Do you ever feel stupid wanting to CTB

[SomethingsOff]

Like I'm not that old. I'm 18. I haven't tried meds, therapy, even talking to anyone but i don't WANT to. I feel worse than the people here who have tried everything and it doesn't work but i don't want to be saved. I don't see a future and i don't think i ever will. If anything its more tempting to get it done now before I have a whole life that i have wasted being hurt.

 

[jodes2]

I tried to CTB when I was 20 before I'd had much help. Therapy and medication really helped. I've done a lot of great stuff since then, I'm glad I didn't manage to CTB. It would have been kinda dumb. I was young, it was impulsive. It's understandable that you want to CTB, you're suffering. But it's not worth throwing away your youth if you haven't tried to get help imo. A simple bit of medication could fix you. Easy. I'm sure you have people who love you and would be devastated. Do you really want to do this to them, without even trying anything? Your choice I guess. But you need to understand that your point of view could turn 180 degrees once you get some help, you could really enjoy things again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't believe that people should feel stupid for wanting to ctb, it's a personal decision when to leave this world and nobody is obligated to stay here for any longer than they wish to. In my case, suicide is what has always made the most sense for me, as I see no value in having to suffer in an existence not worth enduring, I despise something so useless and unnecessary as existing and my wish to die is the most logical response to seeing life for what it really is. It's sad how I've managed to exist for this long but it's just the way that things are.

 

[hellispink]

When i was your age, I thought I knew everything. Now I know that there is always more to learn about this horrible existence. No one can force you to do things you don't want. You are an adult now so if you wish to stop here, it is your choice. We all should be able to decide when to try and when not to. We all have different situations that make everything unbearable. I started wanting to die at 11 and from there I was sure that's what I wanted. Indeed, I tried everything before deciding this is my only exit. But I don't blame anyone if they just wanna leave. This world is fucked up and it is exhausting so everyone should do whatever they want.

 

[UntilTheLast]

Like I'm not that old. I'm 18. I haven't tried meds, therapy, even talking to anyone but i don't WANT to. I feel worse than the people here who have tried everything and it doesn't work but i don't want to be saved. I don't see a future and i don't think i ever will. If anything its more tempting to get it done now before I have a whole life that i have wasted being hurt.

I don't think that "stupid" or other judgement sorts of words are appropriate here. You feel how you feel, and you want what you want, and that's okay. I do think that it's unfair to yourself though, to opt out of life before you give it a fair chance to get better. Judging yourself is a guilt thing - wanting the best for yourself is a love thing. I don't think that you deserve guilt here - it think that you deserve love.

 

[valkyrie]

Stupid? No. I just think it's a bit impulsive or short sighted to do as a teenager, when there's opportunity for life to improve. Getting out of school certainly improves a lot of people's quality of life. But in the end it's your decision.

 

[theboy]

I felt stupid when I failed

 

[etherealgoddess]

Like I'm not that old. I'm 18. I haven't tried meds, therapy, even talking to anyone but i don't WANT to. I feel worse than the people here who have tried everything and it doesn't work but i don't want to be saved. I don't see a future and i don't think i ever will. If anything its more tempting to get it done now before I have a whole life that i have wasted being hurt.

I'm 18 too. I kind of feel this sense of being stuck where I want to kill myself and want to save myself from myself but feel so drained to do so. I have had my fair share of my toxic household (where I have to continue living with the people who make me feel so miserable for 2 years until I can financially be stable) and SA, and I am constantly shifting between wanting to live a successful life and killing myself. I have so many goals I want to achieve, but I am so emotionally unstable, and I blame my mom for yelling so much at me that (based on research) has probably impacted my brain development, causing the emotional part of my brain to be far more overreactive and the judgment part to be kind of impaired. I always felt so much smarter as a kid compared to others, but then going through 10 years of my mom's yelling through every single thing, I've felt the difference. I feel like the most emotional person in the room, and I wish it wasn't me. It's not only about crying about some stupid video. It's just about overreacting and draining myself over every single event in my life. Being so emotional is legitimately even more torturous than being persistently depressed because beyond being depressed, you don't even know what you want to do with your life. You can't end the pain.