Discussion Do you believe you deserve happiness/how to stop self sabotaging?

[ImpairedLowlife]

Didn't think I would ever visit recovery section out there, but oh well, I'm here.

It's still hard to believe and accept for me, but I'm getting into a relationship, although it's only on the internet for now, it makes me pretty happy, which is pretty fucking unaccustomed, to say the least. I'm used to feeling of emptiness, hopelessness and despair. And now I'm feeling hope and relief, which I haven't experienced in probably years.

The question is how do you stop yourself from self-sabotage and believing you don't deserve happiness? Feels like I'm in a toxic relationships with my depression/suffering and it doesn't want me to let go. I'm having intrusive thoughts about blocking my partner, saying dumb stuff and coming back to usual miserable state. It's only intrusive thoughts and I won't ever do it, but it's still a burden on my shoulders.
I really wouldn't want to lose this opportunity to recover, furthermore, disappoint my partner, because how genuine and helpful she is.
Any advice or feedback in general is highly appreciated.

 

[Sulyya]

Something I wish I did more is journal. It helps tiny bits each day. But it helps more when reading back on them many months down the line.

Hopefully you can find more suggestions here or elsewhere, but there's a small one.

All the best.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

Sometimes the fake it until you make it method really works. When you fake it you train your brain to get new muscle memory of how you actually want to be. Eventually you grow into the person you are when you are faking it

 

[wCvML2]

Sometimes going out somewhere and being in public and around others helps me with intrusive thoughts of guilt and shame. I have had intrusive thoughts of being a monster and everyone hating me for whatever reason I'm not aware of, and I kept looking for reasons to self-loathe. It's very difficult to push through the intrusive thoughts because they put a lot of pressure to cut people off and isolate, but positive reinforcement with social interactions can combat it. I think it's a lot of pushing through thoughts and not getting attached to them.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Didn't think I would ever visit recovery section out there, but oh well, I'm here.

It's still hard to believe and accept for me, but I'm getting into a relationship, although it's only on the internet for now, it makes me pretty happy, which is pretty fucking unaccustomed, to say the least. I'm used to feeling of emptiness, hopelessness and despair. And now I'm feeling hope and relief, which I haven't experienced in probably years.

The question is how do you stop yourself from self-sabotage and believing you don't deserve happiness? Feels like I'm in a toxic relationships with my depression/suffering and it doesn't want me to let go. I'm having intrusive thoughts about blocking my partner, saying dumb stuff and coming back to usual miserable state. It's only intrusive thoughts and I won't ever do it, but it's still a burden on my shoulders.
I really wouldn't want to lose this opportunity to recover, furthermore, disappoint my partner, because how genuine and helpful she is.
Any advice or feedback in general is highly appreciated.

Поздравляю! Желаю счастья.

I would suggest you just be yourself and not torment yourself by questioning everything you say or do. Say and do whay After all, you deserve to be accepted and appreciated for who you really are, not who you think others prefer you to be. Let yourself just experience the development of this relationship without subjecting it to analysis.

 

[kyhoti]

Savor the moment. Write down those feelings and get them objectively out of your head; living inside the circus of the mind can be a perilous thing. Take a good laugh at yourself, as we really are a ridiculous species sometimes. And cat memes. All of the cat memes. No lie, kitty happiness gets me through the day sometimes. Peace unto you!