Discussion Do you believe one can fully quit self harm?

[Nitlott]

I don't cut regularly (depends on what counts as regularly though). For the last ~2-3 months I've seriously (way more than 5) cutted only once if that matters. But I don't count small accidental cuts/one cut only/ways I get to see my blood. If I was asked that a year ago I'd definitely say yes. But now I'm not so sure about it.

I used to believe that I can easily quit it due to me remembering only one time I cutted. But my memory's not the best and turns out there were several cases of it throughout the years. Although I'm definitely an unreliable narrator I'm 100% sure that I've never experienced the high I get now then. Maybe too hard on that percentage...88%, still a lot.
It's not easy to explain, but I'll try: Last year I almost got my iris damaged due to an accident (the needle that got in my eye was literally millimetres away from it) and I still remember how I felt when I got home from the hospital. It was like I finally started to live and feel like I'm living. But that feelings wore off quickly because it was accidental and didn't really hurt (if at all). I think the adrenaline was at fault then. I got a cool story though, but man, even that red dot on my eye healed in 2-3 days!
Now, when I cut I experience the same high multiplied by 5. Although it's not as good as it was the first time I let myself sh for real, it lasts for days. It's like all your life you had that noise in the background and one day it disappears, and you realise how peaceful it can be. You get a clear head and become really aware of everything, it's feels like heaven because sometimes I feel like everything is flat no matter how hard I touch stuff and etc. Is that weird?...

I think I'm doing a great job in terms of when to allow myself to cut and how often (especially if to consider I have those thoughts everyday), but the high I experience worries me. And the fact that I can cut 15-20 times and notice only after getting a clear head. I wonder if amount of cuts can determine the high... long-term probably...Sh is definitely an addiction, but it's not as severe as a chemical one. I hope so. So, you know how there's no people that quit drugs? I mean yeah, we can call them that, but it's just the matter of time when they'll relapse or if they will in the first place. The fried dopamine receptors and what not stays with you for life, you can't get everything back to normal fully. Hope I worded my point correctly and it didn't sound mean.

So, do you think that one can fully quit self harm? And how much time do you think that'll require? I know that healing isn't linear, but I think you get what I mean.

 

[alstroemeria55]

I can't know your situation for sure, but for me SH depends a lot on how deep in the gutter I am. The worse I feel emotionally, the more pain I'm in, the more I'm haunted by negativity, the more likely I am to SH. If I feel generally ok I don't SH very much if at all. I suppose it depends on how much you're treating the underlying condition that compels you to SH.

 

[heatnormal]

So, do you think that one can fully quit self harm? And how much time do you think that'll require? I know that healing isn't linear, but I think you get what I mean.

depends on what counts as "fully". like with most addictions, i think your brain will always jump to harming yourself, but you can choose not to indulge. i guess the part of the "healing" process is accepting that no alternative will ever feel as good.

 

[Pepper]

I think self harm can start to feel addiction-like, but not an addiction like the way substance addiction is. I also think everyone's situation with substance addiction is different from the next. Sure, it causes quite a bit of different issues with your brain, and there are people out there who have relapsed after quitting, but there are also people out there who haven't relapsed after quitting.
Personally, I think it comes down to a few factors. One, whether you currently want to or have at least contemplated stopping self harming at some point, two, what you plan to do to help yourself and how to replace the coping mechanism of self harming, and three, the discipline and strength to stop self harming and to cope with other, healthier, means. I started self harming (by cutting) in 2008 and it wasn't until 2016 that I had stopped cutting. My life hadn't necessarily changed that much, but I did, at the time, have a therapist help me stop self harming and finding other various, healthy outlets whenever I got the urge to. Identifying my triggers, such as abuse from a particular parent at the time, anger, depression and high-stress situations were the reasons why I used self harming to cope with.
It's been 10 years now, and I haven't self harmed since. I believe as the years have gone by, I've thought to myself that I'd like to see myself keep going because it has been such a stride to come this far, imagining myself self harm free at 15, 20 years and so on. Plus, I'm an adult now and can get tattoos, which, in a way, to me at least, kind of feels like how self harming did when I was doing so. Except now it comes with beautiful artwork instead of horrid scars and a reminder of when times were worse.

 

[FoxSauce]

Tbh some have but the clossest Ive been is 6 months

 

[Kamaainakupua]

I am literally missing pieces of my body due to self-harm, and yet the desire to self-harm was still running through my brain, every day, until I got here. For me, it really has been like an addiction, but I'm in recovery, and have been 'abstinent' for over 18 months now. Finding SaSu has been such a relief, and I've actually had less ideation/rumination, even while reading posts that specifically focus on self-harm. I can't say that my experience will be yours, but I remember (not that long ago) feeling like I would never be free of the compulsion and obsession, and yet, just for today, I'm not 'haunted'.
As to the substance abuse, I can absolutely assure you that there really are people who can kick it, and stay clean, for decades (or for the rest of their lives, since many of us have so badly damaged our bodies that our lifespan is cut short, even without catching the bus). The 18 months of 'abstinence' is from self-harm - I've been off chemicals/booze for over 18 years. The other mental health issues are what put me in the hospital, and brought me here.
If you're worried about the 'high', there's a good chance you can't control it, but only you can judge that, or determine whether or not you want to quit or not. If you ~do~ want to stop, you don't have to quit for the rest of your life, and thinking in those terms can drive you nuts, or lead to relapse. If you want to stop, and stay stopped, simplify it to just for today: 24 hours, or one day at a time, however your brain can handle the words so you believe you can do it. As Pepper said,

... there are also people out there who haven't relapsed after quitting.

It's been 10 years now, and I haven't self harmed since. I believe as the years have gone by, I've thought to myself that I'd like to see myself keep going because it has been such a stride to come this far, imagining myself self harm free at 15, 20 years and so on.

Best of luck to you, and I sincerely hope you find peace and happiness, whichever path you choose to take.

 

[raineen]

I have somehow stopped, if only for a few months now, but from my experience of now, and others I've talked to, recovery isn't linear.

You're not expected to get a little bit better every day without fail, there will be times where it will be worse, and others that will be better.

I've found that the want to do it doesn't go away, but it does get pushed further back in the mind, and not only even during bad moments, most of my urges come from I'm somehow experiencing something that actually makes me happy. It's like my brain defaults to SH as a coping mechanism for... Any emotion, and it does work sometimes, because sometimes the alternative to that is something worse.

One mindset that has helped me to try and stay clean is, it doesn't matter if I relapsed, even if after a long time, because it means now I can beat my previous high score next time, and even if I don't, that's okay too.