Oh yes. I've been drinking almost every day for the last 2 months. It's even better when you add a bit of drugs to the mix (except marijuana cause it makes my panic attacks skyhigh). The number I feel the lesser I care. The lesser I care the more I'm able to cope ofc.
Good thing is, judging from past experiences, I can't get really addicted to anything, so I can quit and function whenever I want, just more miserably. Which is why I don't quit.
Honestly, since the brother of my sister in law died in his sleep at 40 from overusing every possible drug and alchohol I just fantasize about achieving the same.
Last tuesday I overdid it. I drank almost a litre of vodka 10 min after waking up, took a bunch of benzos, did a bit of meth and took 5 tramadols. And then went for a cup of coffee with a "friend". Not surprisingly, 10 min into the coffee I started getting sick. My "friend" had to take me home, where I was recieved by all my family, including my nephews who were visiting with my brother. I think I was never that sick in my entire life. I vomited my soul out. My left hand went numb. For a moment I hoped... But no.
My long term plan is I don't give a shit. I'll fuck myself up every day for the rest of my life until my body can't take it anymore.