Do you also constantly think about suicide the entire day?

[lacrimosa]

Yes, I keep saying I am going to CTB basically 3/4ths of my waking life. It's like a mantra that keeps me calm. Knowing it will be over soon. But, I am haunted by life and can't go back in time and do things differently.

So, I am stuck, feeling sorry for myself as I am too afraid of the collateral damage of CTB. I am stuck in this shitty limbo. I care too much when I am manic and wish I could turn off my feelings. And when I am feeling depressed, I am so low that I could sleep for days and days.

 

[Nephy]

Most of the day.. I only can escape while sleeping .. I only can sleep with some pills

 

[circus22]

Yes, I'm always planning it in my head and it drives me crazy knowing I can't do it yet.

 

[Dark Moon]

Not all the time but daily frequently. I want to exit but uncertain because of the lack of options and ramifications of a failed attempt.

 

[Roseblanche]

From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep that's the one constant thing I keep on thinking about
I keep on playing scenarios in my head of my last day here, what I'll say to my friends, what I'll say to my Mom.. I really need to order some SN and quick.
My birthday is in 3 days and this is my last year here, so I wanna make the most of it at least how I can..
When my last day will come I'll probably rent some hotel room, take hella drugs and chill out, waiting patiently for the SN to kick in and fall to an endless sleep

I think about it constantly and it makes me feel guilty when I'm with my loved ones because I think about it despite their presence
I am looking for the best accessible method to free myself definitively and no longer think about anything