did something that happened recently made you even more suicidal?

[Bedrock48]

Crisis line hung up on me after my care team cancelled my appointment, sending me into crisis. Couple days later, my care team then forgot to call me to check on me after said cancellation.

 

[MindFog]

I ran away from home 3-4 months ago cause my mom's abuse was getting worse than ever. After being threaten of getting kicked out for the millionth time, i got fed up and moved away.

That was the time I felt so suicidal I almost booked a hotel to do it. My grandma getting hospitalized grinded everything to a halt.

 

[blue_muse]

Not necessarily, just the usual bullies within my local community and toxic family members trying their best to trigger me.

 

[deadby30]

god.. that's absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for her AND you. I can't imagine having to go through that on either side. Whatever you end up deciding to do, I hope you find peace, and I hope you find her on the other side xx.

Thank you so much for that. I'm going to try and hold on because that is what I promised her and is what she wanted. I have no faith that its going to work out however, I am here because if thats whats going to happen it will be done right

I think theres something more than this and that I will see her again. The only thing stopping me from taking it into my own hands is the thought of letting her down

I have alot of people in my life who I love and who love me, but they dont register at all when I think about this. Just the promise I made and the thought of letting her down. And the idea that if I die, our memories die with me. I dont see these reasons being sustainable

She was the most important part of my life. It sounds fucked up but id trade any one of those people for her with no hesitation

They say you cant live life for other people, and the person I'm living for right now isnt even here anymore. I dont see how this works out in the long run

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

My girlfriend died from covid in february and that is whats driving me to this. She was 28 years old.

Ive been passively suicidal for years and was actively suicidal back in December 2017-january 2018. I had a plan and method, my date was March 23, 2018.

She got diagnosed with Lymphoma in February 2018 and it went away, just like that. She needed me here and throughout the course of her treatment I found the will and want to live again. I watched someone fight so hard to live and it showed me that its worth it. She had so many ups and downs, so many failed treatments and by the end of it she was stage 4. She was on her last option and it worked! Complete remission in October 2019. 1 year and 8 months of hell and she beat it. She got back on her feet over the course of the pandemic and even got back to work. She struggled but never gave up, and got back to a semblance of her life before cancer.

We got sick in December 2020, I got better quick but she kept getting worse. She was in the hospital 7 weeks, only made it 5 days on the ventilator before she died. It was fucking brutal to watch.

She was the sweetest person and without going into too much detail, had a hard life even before cancer. She got through all that and never let it change her.

To watch her struggle with and eventually beat cancer and get back on her feet, to overcome so much in her short life, only to get sick with this stupid virus and die a long slow death, alone, only reinforces what ive always thought: life is fucking pointless and no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you get fucked in the end. So I'm done.

That is awful… And so young… I'm very sorry

 

[Klee]

The UK feeling like it is teetering on another winter/Christmas lockdown.

I really can't deal. It's enough to make anybody depressed.

 

[Insomniac]

Yes, my parents trusting my 13yo sister more than me (I'm 24) and putting all their effort into her and ignoring me completely. They have put more effort into this girl than into. as a result, my little sister disrespects me completely and continuously humiliates me. It's very weird honestly. they're spoiling her and treating me like trash and she has more authority than me in the family. It's very very weird feeling. I can't help but feel like my sister will be cursed for that.

At the same time, my family will be completely disoriented if I kill myself. They usually use me as a napkin to absurd all their negative emotions. My alcoholic father, my abusive mother. I'm just here to process Their feelings. I'm absolutely essential to them and they don't even realize it. When I'll be gone, they'll have to find another scapegoat. poor them.

 

[Seafoam]

My childhood friend bought a house and I'm over here struggling through school unemployed

 

[Aeathelina]

The holidays and turning 27.
Really makes me feel that I have been alive too long, being surrounded by my younger family who have all gone on to become independent adults with lives while I'm languishing