Deeply Depressed

[I wish I were a cat]

Never really felt like belonged in this world. Even if I wasn't aware that I was an accidental baby, I'd still feel this way.
Being deeply depressed ruins relationships, friendships..everything. I've been depressed for a long time, almost 15 years and yes I have good days every now and then but deep down I'm am suffering greatly.
I have no real passions, no energy for life. It's just eat sleep work repeat.
Sleep is my happy place but I can hardly get a decent sleep to begin with.

I fantasize about suicide a lot, but fear of failure stops me going ahead...I do not want to end up as a vegetable. There's only so much suffering I can take though, so maybe one day I'll just act on impulse and hopefully succeed.

I'm so tired, so absolutely exhausted. Permanently run down.
I wish I wasn't born. I truly wish that I wasn't born.

Honestly might just spend Christmas alone (just with my cat). I don't have the energy to be around my family, the people who matter to me most.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also very much wish I never existed more than anything, in my case only the eternity of non-existence is desirable. I find it so cruel how we cannot just choose to fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep but anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find peace from all the suffering

 

[I wish I were a cat]

I also very much wish I never existed more than anything, in my case only the eternity of non-existence is desirable. I find it so cruel how we cannot just choose to fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep but anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find peace from all the suffering

It is so so cruel Thank you.
I will only find true peace when I have passed. I truly can't wait.