One of my darkest secrets, well it's my plan to ctb. I've told nobody IRL about this, and it's all bottled within me. I trust nobody IRL and when I ctb it will be a solitary road that I take alone. I've also had intense anger, resentment, and hate towards the shit towards the people that are responsible for my problems in the past, present, and future. While I fantasize about vengeance, I know that morally, ethically, and legally I could not do something against them and lose it all, the best thing for me is to remove myself from this world and truly be free of all suffering. I think of ctb'ing like dividing by zero, something that isn't allowed to be done in the world of logic and mathematics, as it creates an error.
According to society, ctb is like the ultimate counter against it hence it makes sense on some level that ctb is prohibited and society as well as government does everything in it's power to prevent one from ctb'ing and escaping this mad world. Anyways, sorry for going off tangent.