Venting Cutting ties with your partner

[PuppyinPain]

I've been feeling so terrible lately, more heavily considering ctb. Because of that I know that I'm going to need to break ties with my boyfriend, I couldn't do it while we were still considered dating, I know he would blame himself and not get over it. But it's so hard to even think about it, we've known each other since age 10 and have been dating a little over 3 years now. He knows I want to ctb and he knows every reason why.. I've told him so many things no one else have ever known. It hurts because I know somehow he will blame himself even if I leave a goodbye for him, he already blames himself for the rapid decline of my mental health for not noticing my struggles back when we were younger (although he shouldn't blame himself I'm a very good pretender). I know that breaking up with him itself will hurt him, let alone him finding out about my release (we have many mutual friends). I've considered making him hate me somehow, doing something to make him feel less terrible when I am gone, I'm sure him hating me would definitely push me over the edge and help me go through with it. But right now I'm stuck in that awkward phase of even deciding if I should break up with him or just silently go… regardless we live separately so at least I won't be found by him.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, but anyway I wish you the best, I guess that after all grief and loss are inevitable as long as one exists here.

 

[PuppyinPain]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, but anyway I wish you the best, I guess that after all grief and loss are inevitable as long as one exists here.

Thank you, and I agree, I need the people around me gone as somber as it is

 

[SexyIncél]

Some caution: this is a commonly regretted betrayal. Adds to the inevitable cruelty, may lead to psychological hell. Especially since people typically fail to ctb. So they end up alone like ghosts, deserted by those whose hearts they crushed

My view: if companions refuse to listen and discuss supportively, they forfeit their ability to participate in your decisionmaking

 

[imissmykitten]

the thing you said about making him hate you, it's something i also considered with my family, but i don't think it always works;

i will try to stay vague, but there is someone in my life that is hostile to me, usually giving me death threats and degrading words etc, on a regular basis, and yet i can't hate them at all. i grew up with them and despite everything, i care for them, and i can tell this hostility isn't really how they feel, but misplaced anger for something we endured, or maybe they are also trying to make me hate them for the same reason as you and i,

i know it sucks to hear because i myself wish i could make everyone hates me and forgets about me, but i think it's difficult for someone close to hate you, especially if you grew up together. so i'm not sure if it'll work. sorry if it's not a very useful answer. i hope i didn't ramble too much.

 

[PuppyinPain]

the thing you said about making him hate you, it's something i also considered with my family, but i don't think it always works;

i will try to stay vague, but there is someone in my life that is hostile to me, usually giving me death threats and degrading words etc, on a regular basis, and yet i can't hate them at all. i grew up with them and despite everything, i care for them, and i can tell this hostility isn't really how they feel, but misplaced anger for something we endured, or maybe they are also trying to make me hate them for the same reason as you and i,

i know it sucks to hear because i myself wish i could make everyone hates me and forgets about me, but i think it's difficult for someone close to hate you, especially if you grew up together. so i'm not sure if it'll work. sorry if it's not a very useful answer. i hope i didn't ramble too much.

I have that same issue, I've never been able to hate no matter what people have done to me.. and there have definitely been some awful instances. I don't mind the ramble at all you seem cool

 

[imissmykitten]

I have that same issue, I've never been able to hate no matter what people have done to me.. and there have definitely been some awful instances. I don't mind the ramble at all you seem cool

usually if i hate something, it's certain actions, certain words, but very rarely or even never it is someone. i think i don't have the ability to hold grudges for long, and honestly i think my bad memory and the whole feeling like things aren't always real, must be at fault for it too.

thank you, you too! what is your pfp from, by curiosity?

 

[PuppyinPain]

usually if i hate something, it's certain actions, certain words, but very rarely or even never it is someone. i think i don't have the ability to hold grudges for long, and honestly i think my bad memory and the whole feeling like things aren't always real, must be at fault for it too.

thank you, you too! what is your pfp from, by curiosity?

I get what you mean I often block out lots of memories so really half the time it makes sense I'm not holding any grudges.

And I'll have to check my read-list regarding my pfp since I just picked a random image from my gallery of manga haha- but I was also tied between a punpun pfp! I love that manga