Venting CTB is all I can think about

[redisblue]

All I can think about recently is ctb. When I go to sleep, I hope that I don't wake up. When I'm travelling, I look around at all the potential ways I could ctb. When I'm at college, I completely zone out and wish I was dead. When I'm at home, I'm constantly researching ways to ctb. I need to die so badly. I can't take it anymore. I know I'm young, but I can't stop feeling like this. I want to leave. I wish death was easier. I'm so tired of it all. I'm so close snapping or breaking down in front of my friends or family - I don't know how to control my emotions anymore. Last night I relapsed with self-harm and it gave me a short high but ultimately I feel even more like shit. All I want is to close my eyes and sleep forever.

 

[kkwy]

Just pick one suitable method and commit to it.

 

[redisblue]

Just pick one suitable method and commit to it.

I can't access anything reliable

 

[Illidan77]

have you tried professional / meds / therapy first ?
not meaning to belittle your emotion / decision though..

 

[redisblue]

have you tried professional / meds / therapy first ?
not meaning to belittle your emotion / decision though..

Tried all of it other than meds - where I live it's very difficult to get onto meds even if you're severely depressed

 

[outrider567]

All I can think about recently is ctb. When I go to sleep, I hope that I don't wake up. When I'm travelling, I look around at all the potential ways I could ctb. When I'm at college, I completely zone out and wish I was dead. When I'm at home, I'm constantly researching ways to ctb. I need to die so badly. I can't take it anymore. I know I'm young, but I can't stop feeling like this. I want to leave. I wish death was easier. I'm so tired of it all. I'm so close snapping or breaking down in front of my friends or family - I don't know how to control my emotions anymore. Last night I relapsed with self-harm and it gave me a short high but ultimately I feel even more like shit. All I want is to close my eyes and sleep forever.

That's how I feel, I always hope that I don't wake up

 

[Xisalittletired]

I'm sorry you are suffering this way.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much true that existing is just endless suffering and of course it can be so tiring feeling trapped in this world. If only the option was there for us to just never wake again then that would be ideal, it's very unfortunate and unfair how we have to struggle so much in finding ways to finally free ourselves from this world.

 

[missingpeace]

I am where you are, too... I have no future there is no point in starting or committing to anything anymore. The sooner my end happens the better.

 

[Hyd999]

I can relate. Im at the gym right now i have a workout planned with my trainer, but im running 10 min early so what am i doing? Checking out these forms of corse. I wish i had the courage to just do it

 

[downndone2]

I am sorry you are feeling like this. I think about it a lot