Help Can’t take it anymore

[Deathbydemo]

I literally can't take this feeling anymore. I'm so mad that I even woke up this morning. I should say my main reason for being here is because I am totally and completely in love with a man who couldn't care less about me if he tried. We were together for almost 2 years, we had a very intense, passionate, happy and oftentimes conflicted relationship. Just last Friday I turned up at his house and basically begged him to be with me. He took me back to his house, we chatted... he looked me in the eye and told me he loved me with all his heart. We made love... everything felt like it was getting better. But the reality was, he had already found someone else. It was all just a lie.

He proceeded to ignore me all day Saturday after just spending a lovely night together. I couldn't understand why. Then I turned back up at his house and hid around the back in the dark and saw him..... with her.

He lied to me. He used me. I am completely and totally in love with this man and he doesn't care. I can't take it. I can't go on every day with this pain in my heart.

 

[Mr2005]

He's not worth it

 

[Deathbydemo]

He's not worth it

I only wish that could be true.

 

[MsMaudlin]

What a terrible and cruel thing to do to you!

I'm sorry, relationships and unrequited love are hard work to deal with.

He isn't worth it, a million times over, it might not seem it now, but he isn't worth it honestly ❤

 

[Mr2005]

I only wish that could be true.

It is. It's hard when there's things about people you like to say goodbye to that but when the cons outweigh the pros I think you've got to as a matter of self respect. He's not going to change and if he's getting what he wants he has no incentive. Wish him goodbye and good luck

 

[Soulless_Angel]

wow he isn't worth it when he clearly used you and messed with your emotions! Walk away, its for the best it really is

 

[Deathbydemo]

What a terrible and cruel thing to do to you!

I'm sorry, relationships and unrequited love are hard work to deal with.

He isn't worth it, a million times over, it might not seem it now, but he isn't worth it honestly ❤

Without him, I have no reason to be here. I truly thought that we would get better, be together and be happy. To have that shattered means I lose everything. I want a peaceful ending to a miserable life.

It is. It's hard when there's things about people you like to say goodbye to that but when the cons outweigh the pros I think you've got to as a matter of self respect. He's not going to change and if he's getting what he wants he has no incentive. Wish him goodbye and good luck

I watched him and this woman exchange valentines gifts together the very next day after we spent the night together. I can't live with those scenes in my head.

 

[Mr2005]

Find a reason to be here

 

[Deathbydemo]

wow he isn't worth it when he clearly used you and messed with your emotions! Walk away, its for the best it really is

I wish I could do that, but it's too late. I have to go. The only reason I'm still here is because I was found. And also my 10 year old son. I am waiting for a time when it is going to cause the least impact on my family.

 

[BlueLights]

I wish I could do that, but it's too late. I have to go. The only reason I'm still here is because I was found. And also my 10 year old son. I am waiting for a time when it is going to cause the least impact on my family.

DO it for your son. Absolutely, he's the man worth staying for

If you're looking for a reason to stay, that's the best one

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Heartache like that is punishing. I know it's a cliché but for most people often it does get easier. Get angry, get even, get away, whatever you can. Your son is worth staying for if you need a reason.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I feel your pain. I know it feels like you can't go on and many other people don't want to go on anymore including myself. Ctbing should be on your own terms and you should think long and hard about what you're feeling and if you can do anything to relieve some of the pain. This man is not worth it. I know many people have said it but it makes me sick knowing people do these wretched things to other humans each and everyday. We are all here if you need to talk. You don't have to hide your pain

 

[Deathbydemo]

Find a reason to be here

Thank you but all I can see and think about 24/7 is him with her. It's literally tearing me apart.

DO it for your son. Absolutely, he's the man worth staying for

If you're looking for a reason to stay, that's the best one

It's hard because I know my death will affect my son so, so badly. That is what is holding me back from my plan. But I know deep down that I can't stay.

Heartache like that is punishing. I know it's a cliché but for most people often it does get easier. Get angry, get even, get away, whatever you can. Your son is worth staying for if you need a reason.

Heartache is truly the worst pain imaginable. The only way to ever get past it is to end my life. There's no other way for me.

I feel your pain. I know it feels like you can't go on and many other people don't want to go on anymore including myself. Ctbing should be on your own terms and you should think long and hard about what you're feeling and if you can do anything to relieve some of the pain. This man is not worth it. I know many people have said it but it makes me sick knowing people do these wretched things to other humans each and everyday. We are all here if you need to talk. You don't have to hide your pain

Moving on to the other side will 100% be my own decision and in my own time. It's tricky because, right now, my family are concerned for me and check up on me often. When things calm down and they think I'm okay, then it's time for me to go. Of course I'm concerned about the impact it will have on my son. But he's a strong little guy and will get past it.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I only wish that could be true.

It is true.

Heartbreak is one of the great pains of life and it happens to almost everyone.

A hard truth: he will not care if you ctb and he will not miss you when you are gone. He is done with your relationship and you must be, too.

Don't ctb because you love an asshole.

There might be plenty of good reasons, but this is not one of them.

Thank you but all I can see and think about 24/7 is him with her. It's literally tearing me apart.

It's hard because I know my death will affect my son so, so badly. That is what is holding me back from my plan. But I know deep down that I can't stay.

Heartache is truly the worst pain imaginable. The only way to ever get past it is to end my life. There's no other way for me.

Moving on to the other side will 100% be my own decision and in my own time. It's tricky because, right now, my family are concerned for me and check up on me often. When things calm down and they think I'm okay, then it's time for me to go. Of course I'm concerned about the impact it will have on my son. But he's a strong little guy and will get past it.

No. He won't.

He will wonder forever why he wasn't worth staying for.

He will wonder forever what he was supposed to do to convince you to stay.

He will wonder forever why a guy you couldn't have was more important than the one you did have.

Please don't do this.

There are stories here about growing up as the child of a parent who ended their life. They are powerful and have much to make you think.

 

[HannahB]

I'm so sorry dear, deep pain and loss can be hard to feel. I want to tell you though that there really is no such thing as "getting past it". Theres things in my life, horrible things, that I will never be able to 'get over' but your not supposed to. You can never erase this thing or change it or even leave it but you can change your perspective. Now, mind you, you do not have to but it's an option if you decide. Everything has two sides a good side and a bad side. Many times it's easier to see the bad because the good usually lies between the lines. The people I have lost still haunt me every day but... they have also given me somthing else, memories and perspective, love and meaning, sometimes even motivation through hate. I always got the pain and it never went away but always, I got something else too.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Heartache is truly the worst pain imaginable. The only way to ever get past it is to end my life. There's no other way for me.

....

But he's a strong little guy and will get past it.

You're a strong woman and will get past it.

Your son may see no other way to get past his heartache and end his life.


See how the rationality is working here?


I'm not being a jerk. Folks here care. I care. Love works similarly to addiction, and what you loved betrayed you. It's messing with you right now, big time.

You lived before you ever met this man. You've gotten out from under the immediate pain of other difficult things. I don't know you, but who hasn't been through some seriously hard shit? You can do this.

 

[spanishguy22]

You're a strong woman and will get past it.

Your son may see no other way to get past his heartache and end his life.


See how the rationality is working here?


I'm not being a jerk. Folks here care. I care. Love works similarly to addiction, and what you loved betrayed you. It's messing with you right now, big time.

You lived before you ever met this man. You've gotten out from under the immediate pain of other difficult things. I don't know you, but who hasn't been through some seriously hard shit? You can do this.

Do you ever post something that is not you trying to prolife people out of suicide? Such an annoying mentality.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Do you ever post something that is not you trying to prolife people out of suicide? Such an annoying mentality.

My post history answers your question.

I wish you well.

 

[dlee]

I literally can't take this feeling anymore. I'm so mad that I even woke up this morning. I should say my main reason for being here is because I am totally and completely in love with a man who couldn't care less about me if he tried. We were together for almost 2 years, we had a very intense, passionate, happy and oftentimes conflicted relationship. Just last Friday I turned up at his house and basically begged him to be with me. He took me back to his house, we chatted... he looked me in the eye and told me he loved me with all his heart. We made love... everything felt like it was getting better. But the reality was, he had already found someone else. It was all just a lie.

He proceeded to ignore me all day Saturday after just spending a lovely night together. I couldn't understand why. Then I turned back up at his house and hid around the back in the dark and saw him..... with her.

He lied to me. He used me. I am completely and totally in love with this man and he doesn't care. I can't take it. I can't go on every day with this pain in my heart.

i know exactly how you feel.. i have a marrage of 14yrs that was amazing in every way, then the past 2 years my wife just becomes an iceberg, i ask her to work on the relationship, counseling, therapy, whatever, ... she couldnt seem less interested and just stopped showing any affection or love. now she says she just doesnt love me anymore, i havnt done anything bad to her, she just got board... but not before repeatedly telling me for a dozen years that i am her whole world and making me believe she loves me more than i can ever know... then just decided one day she didnt want me... so many amazing memories together just not even worth trying to work it out to her... i just dont get how someone can be so cold, cruel, and heartless... makes me feel like shit, no self esteem... worst part is i still want her, i dont want anyone else.. . there is no life without her, we were both so happy, then she just changed and became someone i dont even recognize.

sorry to ramble, just really understand how much pain your in, ive been through alot of pain in life but noting compares to this

 

[escapefromabuse]

i know exactly how you feel.. i have a marrage of 14yrs that was amazing in every way, then the past 2 years my wife just becomes an iceberg, i ask her to work on the relationship, counseling, therapy, whatever, ... she couldnt seem less interested and just stopped showing any affection or love. now she says she just doesnt love me anymore, i havnt done anything bad to her, she just got board... but not before repeatedly telling me for a dozen years that i am her whole world and making me believe she loves me more than i can ever know... then just decided one day she didnt want me... so many amazing memories together just not even worth trying to work it out to her... i just dont get how someone can be so cold, cruel, and heartless... makes me feel like shit, no self esteem... worst part is i still want her, i dont want anyone else.. . there is no life without her, we were both so happy, then she just changed and became someone i dont even recognize.

sorry to ramble, just really understand how much pain your in, ive been through alot of pain in life but noting compares to this

I feel this 100%. My lady walked out last year just 24 hours after the last time we shared a bed. We woke up and fooled around, and the next day she was just gone. I've tried talking to her and she insists that things can't work and has an excuse for everything...she's got 1000 vague and unsupported reasons why she left. She's also become cruel and indifferent, and I'm also still trying to talk to her. She'll say that we always got along and still could, but we can't be together. What does that even mean?

 

[highlyvolatile]

I feel this 100%. My lady walked out last year just 24 hours after the last time we shared a bed. We woke up and fooled around, and the next day she was just gone. I've tried talking to her and she insists that things can't work and has an excuse for everything...she's got 1000 vague and unsupported reasons why she left. She's also become cruel and indifferent, and I'm also still trying to talk to her. She'll say that we always got along and still could, but we can't be together. What does that even mean?

Sounds like shes doing the same shit my ex did.....

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry for your pain and suffering. It seems so odd that he would look you in the eye, and tell you that he loves you with all his heart if he didn't mean it. Is it possible that he really loves you, and she's just a fling?

 

[LostAllHope7651]

I literally can't take this feeling anymore. I'm so mad that I even woke up this morning. I should say my main reason for being here is because I am totally and completely in love with a man who couldn't care less about me if he tried. We were together for almost 2 years, we had a very intense, passionate, happy and oftentimes conflicted relationship. Just last Friday I turned up at his house and basically begged him to be with me. He took me back to his house, we chatted... he looked me in the eye and told me he loved me with all his heart. We made love... everything felt like it was getting better. But the reality was, he had already found someone else. It was all just a lie.

He proceeded to ignore me all day Saturday after just spending a lovely night together. I couldn't understand why. Then I turned back up at his house and hid around the back in the dark and saw him..... with her.

He lied to me. He used me. I am completely and totally in love with this man and he doesn't care. I can't take it. I can't go on every day with this pain in my heart.

Are that's heartbreaking and I can see why this would make u feel low, love can be the best thing in the world but when it goes wrong it can also be the worse thing in the world... we've all had our share of heartbreak at times, if u need to talk you can message me.

 

[Deathbydemo]

It is true.

Heartbreak is one of the great pains of life and it happens to almost everyone.

A hard truth: he will not care if you ctb and he will not miss you when you are gone. He is done with your relationship and you must be, too.

Don't ctb because you love an asshole.

There might be plenty of good reasons, but this is not one of them.


No. He won't.

He will wonder forever why he wasn't worth staying for.

He will wonder forever what he was supposed to do to convince you to stay.

He will wonder forever why a guy you couldn't have was more important than the one you did have.

Please don't do this.

There are stories here about growing up as the child of a parent who ended their life. They are powerful and have much to make you think.

I know he won't care. I have already mentally accepted that truth, somehow. It won't be for him. It will be for me. I will no longer have to live with the pain that he no longer loves me and is spending all his time romancing some other woman.

I'm so sorry dear, deep pain and loss can be hard to feel. I want to tell you though that there really is no such thing as "getting past it". Theres things in my life, horrible things, that I will never be able to 'get over' but your not supposed to. You can never erase this thing or change it or even leave it but you can change your perspective. Now, mind you, you do not have to but it's an option if you decide. Everything has two sides a good side and a bad side. Many times it's easier to see the bad because the good usually lies between the lines. The people I have lost still haunt me every day but... they have also given me somthing else, memories and perspective, love and meaning, sometimes even motivation through hate. I always got the pain and it never went away but always, I got something else too.

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. You are one of the many reasons I'm glad I found this board. It's truly humbling to know people like you exist.

I can't live with the pain of watching him with this other woman. Hours after we spent a lovely night together. I can't comprehend why anyone would do that. He will never know how much he has broken me.

You're a strong woman and will get past it.

Your son may see no other way to get past his heartache and end his life.


See how the rationality is working here?


I'm not being a jerk. Folks here care. I care. Love works similarly to addiction, and what you loved betrayed you. It's messing with you right now, big time.

You lived before you ever met this man. You've gotten out from under the immediate pain of other difficult things. I don't know you, but who hasn't been through some seriously hard shit? You can do this.

Thank you so very much. I appreciate you saying that you care.

How does one go on with a crippling, debilitating pain in their heart from someone who they love deeply?

i know exactly how you feel.. i have a marrage of 14yrs that was amazing in every way, then the past 2 years my wife just becomes an iceberg, i ask her to work on the relationship, counseling, therapy, whatever, ... she couldnt seem less interested and just stopped showing any affection or love. now she says she just doesnt love me anymore, i havnt done anything bad to her, she just got board... but not before repeatedly telling me for a dozen years that i am her whole world and making me believe she loves me more than i can ever know... then just decided one day she didnt want me... so many amazing memories together just not even worth trying to work it out to her... i just dont get how someone can be so cold, cruel, and heartless... makes me feel like shit, no self esteem... worst part is i still want her, i dont want anyone else.. . there is no life without her, we were both so happy, then she just changed and became someone i dont even recognize.

sorry to ramble, just really understand how much pain your in, ive been through alot of pain in life but noting compares to this

I am so, so sorry you are experiencing this pain too. I wouldn't wish the pain of true heartbreak on my worst enemy. It's a cruel, all consuming, mental torture. I guess the only good thing is that we can relate to each other and you can talk about it any time and I will be here to listen.

 

[jgm63]

Do you ever post something that is not you trying to prolife people out of suicide? Such an annoying mentality.

There is room for more than one mindset on this site.
We should always encourage people to consider their options very carefully, and try to suggest reasons why they should consider not CTB....
(and as an aside, not doing so would make this site harder to defend when it comes under attack).

Obviously, if a member decides they still wish to CTB after considering all of their options carefully, then we will support them......

I know he won't care. I have already mentally accepted that truth, somehow. It won't be for him. It will be for me. I will no longer have to live with the pain that he no longer loves me and is spending all his time romancing some other woman.

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. You are one of the many reasons I'm glad I found this board. It's truly humbling to know people like you exist.

I can't live with the pain of watching him with this other woman. Hours after we spent a lovely night together. I can't comprehend why anyone would do that. He will never know how much he has broken me.

Thank you so very much. I appreciate you saying that you care.

How does one go on with a crippling, debilitating pain in their heart from someone who they love deeply?

I am so, so sorry you are experiencing this pain too. I wouldn't wish the pain of true heartbreak on my worst enemy. It's a cruel, all consuming, mental torture. I guess the only good thing is that we can relate to each other and you can talk about it any time and I will be here to listen.

@Deathbydemo
Although you can't see it now, it will be possible to heal your heart and find somebody else....

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

How does one go on with a crippling, debilitating pain in their heart from someone who they love deeply?

It's not a matter of going on with such a pain, but acceptance that the pain will change. It will not always be this immediate, it will not always be crippling and debilitating.

I would say, set the pain aside for a moment, don't hide it, leave it where it is visible but not on top of you. Have it outside of you for just a bit. Try this several times.

Then at some point, if and when you're ready for a next step, imagine if someone had done the same to your son, and he wanted to permanently end his life because of it. What would you tell him about the reality of that other person? What would you tell him about his own worth? What would you suggest to him for recovering and going forward? What support do you think he would need along the path away from the person and out of the pain, and toward his own self and his recovery?

Then say and give the same to yourself with just as much support, love, and compassion.

Recognize, bit by bit, that you can't comprehend someone doing what your ex did because you have a good heart, and accept that he is not who you had hoped he would be but is in fact who he is. This does not make you a fool or worthy of punishment, it means that you were unaware and now you are. Never take responsibility for others' bad behavior or abuse. Accept that it takes time for a new awareness to sink in, and that you will feel different things about it at different times. You can emerge a better and more capable person from this, and be safer in the future because you will recognize the signs earlier and can walk away less harmed, if harmed at all. When you focus on what was harmful about him, redirect the focus to what is the opposite in you, and love and cherish it. Love you yourself, deeply.

 

[jgm63]

It's not a matter of going on with such a pain, but acceptance that the pain will change. It will not always be this immediate, it will not always be crippling and debilitating.

I would say, set the pain aside for a moment, don't hide it, leave it where it is visible but not on top of you. Have it outside of you for just a bit. Try this several times.

Then at some point, if and when you're ready for a next step, imagine if someone had done the same to your son, and he wanted to permanently end his life because of it. What would you tell him about the reality of that other person? What would you tell him about his own worth? What would you suggest to him for recovering and going forward? What support do you think he would need along the path away from the person and out of the pain, and toward his own self and his recovery?

Then say and give the same to yourself with just as much support, love, and compassion.

Recognize, bit by bit, that you can't comprehend someone doing what your ex did because you have a good heart, and accept that he is not who you had hoped he would be but is in fact who he is. This does not make you a fool or worthy of punishment, it means that you were unaware and now you are. Never take responsibility for others' bad behavior or abuse. Accept that it takes time for a new awareness to sink in, and that you will feel different things about it at different times. You can emerge a better and more capable person from this, and be safer in the future because you will recognize the signs earlier and can walk away less harmed, if at all. When you focus on what was harmful about him, redirect the focus to what is the opposite in you, and love and cherish it. Love you, deeply.

@Deathbydemo I hope you read @GoodPersonEffed 's post carefully. There is much wisdom in it.

Perhaps you might also wish to listen to this song (the first version of this song that was recorded)

Spoiler: The Greatest Love Of All : George Benson

Although it may seem "cliched" to post a song like that, there is actually great wisdom in the words of that song.

 

[Mizzmini45]

He's not the only man in the world. Find someone else!! I speak from personal experience. Trust me it's some many other guys lol life is so short and you just don't have forever to be hung up on one dude. Try to find a way to let it go quick and move on to someone who deserves it

 

[Deathbydemo]

It's not a matter of going on with such a pain, but acceptance that the pain will change. It will not always be this immediate, it will not always be crippling and debilitating.

I would say, set the pain aside for a moment, don't hide it, leave it where it is visible but not on top of you. Have it outside of you for just a bit. Try this several times.

Then at some point, if and when you're ready for a next step, imagine if someone had done the same to your son, and he wanted to permanently end his life because of it. What would you tell him about the reality of that other person? What would you tell him about his own worth? What would you suggest to him for recovering and going forward? What support do you think he would need along the path away from the person and out of the pain, and toward his own self and his recovery?

Then say and give the same to yourself with just as much support, love, and compassion.

Recognize, bit by bit, that you can't comprehend someone doing what your ex did because you have a good heart, and accept that he is not who you had hoped he would be but is in fact who he is. This does not make you a fool or worthy of punishment, it means that you were unaware and now you are. Never take responsibility for others' bad behavior or abuse. Accept that it takes time for a new awareness to sink in, and that you will feel different things about it at different times. You can emerge a better and more capable person from this, and be safer in the future because you will recognize the signs earlier and can walk away less harmed, if harmed at all. When you focus on what was harmful about him, redirect the focus to what is the opposite in you, and love and cherish it. Love you yourself, deeply.

Wow. I'm truly humbled. Thank you endlessly for your kind and beautiful words. I don't know how to say how much you've truly touched my heart that you took the time to respond the way you did. You, my friend, are one of life's rare beautiful souls.

I don't know if it will be enough to save me but it's made me stop to think for sure.

@Deathbydemo I hope you read @GoodPersonEffed 's post carefully. There is much wisdom in it.

Perhaps you might also wish to listen to this song (the first version of this song that was recorded)

Spoiler: The Greatest Love Of All : George Benson

Although it may seem "cliched" to post a song like that, there is actually great wisdom in the words of that song.

Very true. @GoodPersonEffed is a true gem.

Thank you both so very much. I will listen to the song.

He's not the only man in the world. Find someone else!! I speak from personal experience. Trust me it's some many other guys lol life is so short and you just don't have forever to be hung up on one dude

I truly appreciate the sentiment but unfortunately it's not that simple. This man was pretty much my whole life. The pain I wake up with every day knowing he doesn't give a damn about me now is too much to bear. It might sound silly and ridiculous to some people, but all I can think about daily is him.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Wow. I'm truly humbled. Thank you endlessly for your kind and beautiful words. I don't know how to say how much you've truly touched my heart that you took the time to respond the way you did. You, my friend, are one of life's rare beautiful souls. ❤

I don't know if it will be enough to save me but it's made me stop to think for sure.

Very true. @GoodPersonEffed is a true gem.

Thank you both so very much. I will listen to the song.

I truly appreciate the sentiment but unfortunately it's not that simple. This man was pretty much my whole life. The pain I wake up with every day knowing he doesn't give a damn about me now is too much to bear. It might sound silly and ridiculous to some people, but all I can think about daily is him.

Trust me I understand but I don't wanna see you live to regret it. I have been there I know the feeling. Good luck