Can’t handle PTSD anymore

[username12345]

Aside from the family estrangement, bullying, other random abuses/discrimination, etc., the nightmares and flashbacks are enough to want to end everything. I have struggled with nightmares and flashbacks for a really long time and they have never been this bad. I can't take everything anymore: I go to sleep and I get nightmares and I wake up and everything is still hell, and I don't even have anyone that's there for me.

I cannot express how difficult it is trying to blend in with people, too. I'm so completely drained and things have been just completely awful for years. It feels like my life is never going to get better. I don't want to live my life in fear of being murdered, and struggling to pick up the pieces of me that other people decided to break. I leave people be, I never asked for all of this. Now there's just no sign that anything will get better, only worse. I don't get what about someone struggling but minding their business says to make things worse. I'm tired of people watering down everything I've been to and just acting like I'm whiny and holding grudges when I'm traumatized! Bullying disabled people is ableist and then just turning around and further claiming how crazy I am???

I never even got a chance to process any of the childhood trauma because it's just been more and more shit one after the next. I've had several therapists refer me to intensive outpatient therapy for my trauma but I can't afford it and don't have the support system or time to go so instead I am just wasting away. I just don't get what kind of life that is.

 

[hang in there]

Aside from the family estrangement, bullying, other random abuses/discrimination, etc., the nightmares and flashbacks are enough to want to end everything. I have struggled with nightmares and flashbacks for a really long time and they have never been this bad. I can't take everything anymore: I go to sleep and I get nightmares and I wake up and everything is still hell, and I don't even have anyone that's there for me.

I cannot express how difficult it is trying to blend in with people, too. I'm so completely drained and things have been just completely awful for years. It feels like my life is never going to get better. I don't want to live my life in fear of being murdered, and struggling to pick up the pieces of me that other people decided to break. I leave people be, I never asked for all of this. Now there's just no sign that anything will get better, only worse. I don't get what about someone struggling but minding their business says to make things worse. I'm tired of people watering down everything I've been to and just acting like I'm whiny and holding grudges when I'm traumatized! Bullying disabled people is ableist and then just turning around and further claiming how crazy I am???

I never even got a chance to process any of the childhood trauma because it's just been more and more shit one after the next. I've had several therapists refer me to intensive outpatient therapy for my trauma but I can't afford it and don't have the support system or time to go so instead I am just wasting away. I just don't get what kind of life that is.

I'm so sorry you have been through this. Have you ever been on medication to deal with stress? It's kind of a last resort but when you can't change the environment that's damaging you and you can't make it to therapy to learn to cope, it can help get you through it until you're someplace safer. It also really helps with reducing intensity/frequency of nightmares, in fact there is a specific medication Prazosin that is prescribed specifically for controlling PTSD nightmares.

 

[divinemistress36]

Ptsd really sucks. Im starting emdr therapy soon . You could look into that

 

[username12345]

I'm so sorry you have been through this. Have you ever been on medication to deal with stress? It's kind of a last resort but when you can't change the environment that's damaging you and you can't make it to therapy to learn to cope, it can help get you through it until you're someplace safer. It also really helps with reducing intensity/frequency of nightmares, in fact there is a specific medication Prazosin that is prescribed specifically for controlling PTSD nightmares.

I've been on prazosin and it didn't help. The problem with medication is that there is no medication that is specific to PTSD. Plus, things in my life are so bad and have been so bad, treating the circumstances like it's just my mental health that's the problem won't make anything any better. My mental health is *because* of the circumstances. It's at the point where I just don't think I'm gonna get through this.

 

[ididnotconsent]

Ptsd really sucks. Im starting emdr therapy soon . You could look into that

Could try Spravato as well if your insurance covers it. Anything is worth a try.