Can't Fail Again - Will SN be reliable?

[CaptainT]

Failing at the CO method on Tuesday evening has really hit me hard. I'd done a lot of research and preparation. Doubled the amount of charcoal (2kg), got a small car, took my benzo/booze mix and passed out in there for almost 8 hours but survived. It's made me feel worse than before trying it, as mustering up the energy to CTB is huge.

Even though it was a peaceful painless experience (knocked out by the CO when I got in the car) I'm very scared to try again in case of another failure and more risk of long-term brain damage.

So SN has to be my next go. Waiting for the SN and domperidone to arrive. But I can't fail again, it's just not an option. How confident are we here on SS that SN will work if a dose of 25mg is ingested after the domperidone regime (no antacid because of the complications with it stopping the antiemetic)? Even if I vomit it up I will have a 2nd glass on standby. I'll do it in a hotel with more valium and will be determined not to call for help.

Do we have enough data from members on here that SN really works well? I'm ready for the pain, just not for surviving again.

Thanks for any support. Just having a really low day after the CO failure has added to the problems already there.

 

[LastWhisper]

There is a couple of "goodbye threads" by SN method with a successful result. If you won't be found, you're succeed.

 

[CrushedHopes]

SN is very reliable and has a low chance of failure, as long as you don't vomit or get saved. Having that second glass as backup is a good idea. Ideally, you'd want to pass out before the pain even gets to you. From that point onwards, it's history. Smooth sailing, pal.

 

[CaptainT]

SN is very reliable and has a low chance of failure, as long as you don't vomit or get saved. Having that second glass as backup is a good idea. Ideally, you'd want to pass out before the pain even gets to you. From that point onwards, it's history. Smooth sailing, pal.

Thanks mate, reassuring that so many on here have chosen SN. I hope it's smooth sailing for you too.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Thanks mate, reassuring that so many on here have chosen SN. I hope it's smooth sailing for you too.

Thank you for your compassion.

 

[CaptainT]

I've been going through "goodbye" posts of members who exited with SN. Some of the quotes from them ingesting it...

"That was like some strong sea water" (on drinking it)

"Have a piece of candy to mask the aftertaste"

"Throat is warming up"

"Burning in the back of the throat"

"Heart beating fast, slightly dizzy"

"Heart really loud"

"Overheating but hands feel like ice"

"May faint at any moment. No pain though"

"Blurring out"

"Everything is dark"

 

[CrushedHopes]

I've been reading them too. I'm confident that it'll be a painless experience.

 

[CaptainT]

I've been reading them too. I'm confident that it'll be a painless experience.

As long as we don't puke it up, it sounds not too bad....some throat burning, fast heart, heating and then fainting. Good idea to suck on a candy after drinking the salty water. Seems to be 20-30 minutes until they stop typing. Perhaps we could create a post of all the experiences on here so far in terms of what they experienced. That's a lot more data than the Peacefull Pill Handbook.

 

[CrushedHopes]

As long as we don't puke it up, it sounds not too bad....some throat burning, fast heart, heating and then fainting. Good idea to suck on a candy after drinking the salty water. Seems to be 20-30 minutes until they stop typing. Perhaps we could create a post of all the experiences on here so far in terms of what they experienced. That's a lot more data than the Peacefull Pill Handbook.

Agreed. Which is why I will do everything in my power to ensure that I *won't* puke. Like you, I cannot fail. This will be my second time CTBing; the first time I tried to CTB, it was three years ago, and it was an impulsive attempt, with no research conducted on how to properly CTB. It was also meant to be a temporary escape from my predicament at the time.

This time around, however, I have truly lost everything, so I won't hesitate to terminate myself.

 

[Daniela]

@CaptainT

I haven't attempted it yet because I have only 1/3 of the equipment but I relate to your anguish so bad

Why isn't there more patience with users just craving reassurance

 

[Soul]

@Daniela, I'm sorry if people here have been impatient with you. I can't offer much honest reassurance because I haven't done it myself, and I don't want to bullshit anyone about suicide. But there's no call for impatience.

@CaptainT, I'm sorry your attempt with charcoal brought you low instead of taking you out. I've always read here that if you follow the regimen and aren't found, SN will work. I plan to make 3 batches to have 2 fail-safes in case I spew. Some people have recommended something with a strong pleasant taste to rinse the mouth and/or gargle: kahlua & milk? tiger spice latte? cherry coke? Honey, if you like it, coats the throat. I wish you a smooth journey. x

You too, @CrushedHopes.

 

[trynacbt]

OP, sounds like your plan is pretty foolproof as far as I can tell. I'm jealous you can make it to a hotel, as I'll be attempting next door to family members, but I very much resonate with your feeling of desperation/determination. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[BlueWidow]

[QUOTE="Daniela,
Why isn't there more patience with users just craving reassurance
[/QUOTE]
I agree with you that people need to have patience with people just craving reassurance. I think some members get frustrated because people ask the same questions over and over and it's clear they haven't read any of the threads about SN or done any of their own research.
I think people who have gone to the considerable trouble of doing the research and posting SN threads on here just get frustrated when, instead of reading their threads, people are asking the same questions that could've been answered if they had just taken the time to read the threads.
Some people want to be spoonfed all the information. People need to do their own research. I believe people are here to help, but if an answer can be found in a thread, it would be better if people would read the threads and find the answer there instead of asking the same question over and over because by doing so you're just making the threads unreadable.

On the other hand, I also understand the people having difficulty reading the threads because, at least as long as I've been here which is about a little over a month now, the SN threads seem to get messed up rather quickly with people asking the same questions over and over (see above), and with people posting false information.

There are some people on here who are genuinely confused, and I have sympathy for those people because I was certainly confused and having difficulty wading through all of the SN threads. But there are also pro lifers on here who are spreading false information about SN and trying to discourage people from using it by saying things like SN is very painful and so forth and then trying to back that information up with links that don't have anything to do with someone trying to follow the procedures in the regime to ctb.

I think there could be some horrible effects, if what happens is you swallow it accidentally and/or you swallow an extremely large amount of it, or it hasn't been planned out carefully, then. . . yeah it's probably going to make you very sick because it's a poison. But if you follow the regime laid out in the PPH, which is the one that's described in many many threads about SN on this site, it seems to be a peaceful process.
Also, I think some people on here get very frustrated at people who are trying to spread misinformation and scare people away from what could be a very peaceful method because it means those people will then either go to another method that is not as peaceful, or they might be forced to continue living in some horrible condition thinking there's no peaceful way to ctb when there is a relatively peaceful and cheap way to do it on the site, which is SN.
Also, I understand that people are afraid of pain and so on, but any method is going to have some discomfort. Some people seem to want zero pain and zero discomfort and a 100% guarantee of it working. I just don't think that's possible because every person is different so the only way to know how it's going to affect you as an individual is to do it or to test it out, and we are talking about ending our lives, not spending a day at the carnival. There's going to be some discomfort. There's going to be some anxiety. I think the best you can do is try to find the method that you feel is the least painful for you and try to get whatever medications or substances you can to lessen or eliminate as many of the symptoms of discomfort and anxiety (SI) as possible, but beyond that it's like rolling the dice. No one can guarantee you a peaceful painless death with 100% certainty. I wish we could. I wish there were some way that we could do that on here, but unfortunately there isn't.
In the end, each and every one of us is just getting as prepared as we can and then taking our chances. This is what happens when society won't offer people who are in various kinds of pain or even life situations that they don't feel will ever improve an easy painless way out.

Peace

 

[FallenX]

I fear it not working and despite not being found ending up with severe brain damage from the hypoxia. Either from vomiting then passing out and not getting help or some freak reason it doesn't work and keeps me alive but causes the bad hypoxia.

 

[Lethe]

I wish Alchemist had told us his last experiences with SN as a final contribution to the site, but ultimately nobody has any obligation to spend their last moments here.

 

[d.i.d]

My pleasure to meet you (it sounds wierd here though),
i see you mate, more than i want to. I am in similar situation. I failed with COGen like device a few years ago and built version 2.0 but i hesitate to use it again despite the peacefulness and rapid action it provides. I picked up the salt as the second one. Since i have the same informations as you have and no personal experience with sn i only can wish you: safe travel.

If you do not mind i would like to ask if you are "sure" you have been knocked out by CO and not by the benzodiazepine/mixture?

 

[CaptainT]

My pleasure to meet you (it sounds wierd here though),
i see you mate, more than i want to. I am in similar situation. I failed with COGen like device a few years ago and built version 2.0 but i hesitate to use it again despite the peacefulness and rapid action it provides. I picked up the salt as the second one. Since i have the same informations as you have and no personal experience with sn i only can wish you: safe travel.

If you do not mind i would like to ask if you are "sure" you have been knocked out by CO and not by the benzodiazepine/mixture?

Sorry to hear of your similar story mate. I'm not 100% sure I was knocked out by CO but I've never blacked out before from benzo/vodka. When I shut the car door I remember nothing for the next 7-8 hours. But makes no sense why I would have woken up as 2kg charcoal in a small car should have been overkill...literally.

Did you feel long term effects from your CoGen attempt?

 

[d.i.d]

You are right we will never know what went wrong. In general i do not remember this period well. If any long-term? Hard to say. For some days after it was confusion and severe short-term memory loss.
If you passed out by co quickly it would suggest high enough concentration. This concentration is in conflict with the outcome. I guess there was too much of gas exchange.
2kg of charcoal being fully or partially oxidized in that small space... Oh boy i am glad you landed as you did.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Actually it's not the first time I read here that CO method didn't work. One case was with a car too, I read about in in January or February.

 

[freefrommybody]

My pleasure to meet you (it sounds wierd here though),
i see you mate, more than i want to. I am in similar situation. I failed with COGen like device a few years ago and built version 2.0 but i hesitate to use it again despite the peacefulness and rapid action it provides. I picked up the salt as the second one. Since i have the same informations as you have and no personal experience with sn i only can wish you: safe travel.

If you do not mind i would like to ask if you are "sure" you have been knocked out by CO and not by the benzodiazepine/mixture?

Excuse me, was the COGen that you used one that you built yourself, or one that you bought from someone?

 

[d.i.d]

Excuse me, was the COGen that you used one that you built yourself, or one that you bought from someone?

Hi, there is no need to excuse yourself. The generator was built by me.