throwaway9901
Member
- Sep 15, 2023
- 22
I while back I found my dad's Marlin 1895 lever action rifle in the attic. It used to be my grandfather's, but was given to him and it's been sitting up there gathering dust probably since before I was born. I eventually found actual rounds that are compatible with the gun (30-30 Winchester, sort of like a less powerful 45-70) I snuck both the rifle and a single round back into my room, and they've both been sitting there for probably over a year at this point.
There is quite literally nothing stopping me from loading one in the rifle, putting it to the roof of my mouth, and Kurt Cobaining myself. But I can't bring myself to actually do it. 30-30 is weaker than 45-70, but I still assume my head's going to pull a Ronnie McNutt and blow completely open.
I keep thinking to myself I'd be more comfortable doing it with a handgun, where only a portion of my head would get fucked up opposed to the entire thing, but I don't have a handgun and it's possible even then I could pussy out if given the opportunity.
Also, I've read reports that the human brain goes crazy with activity whilst dying. I don't know what that could be, but honestly I'd like to experience that. Only issue is I assume shooting my brain would obviously taint or completely skip that sequence of death.
At this point I'm still wondering if I'm going to do it even if I should use a gun. SN seems unpleasant (all the puking and sickness, not to mention brain suffocation) and it's also hard to get your hands on. I keep thinking that those barbiturate drugs they give to euthanasia patients would be better, but those are kept out of civilian reach even more than SN it seems.
I just wish I could easily and quietly pass away as if I'm going to sleep. Which I guess is kind of pathetic considering I'm a guy but I really don't care anymore at this point.
There is quite literally nothing stopping me from loading one in the rifle, putting it to the roof of my mouth, and Kurt Cobaining myself. But I can't bring myself to actually do it. 30-30 is weaker than 45-70, but I still assume my head's going to pull a Ronnie McNutt and blow completely open.
I keep thinking to myself I'd be more comfortable doing it with a handgun, where only a portion of my head would get fucked up opposed to the entire thing, but I don't have a handgun and it's possible even then I could pussy out if given the opportunity.
Also, I've read reports that the human brain goes crazy with activity whilst dying. I don't know what that could be, but honestly I'd like to experience that. Only issue is I assume shooting my brain would obviously taint or completely skip that sequence of death.
At this point I'm still wondering if I'm going to do it even if I should use a gun. SN seems unpleasant (all the puking and sickness, not to mention brain suffocation) and it's also hard to get your hands on. I keep thinking that those barbiturate drugs they give to euthanasia patients would be better, but those are kept out of civilian reach even more than SN it seems.
I just wish I could easily and quietly pass away as if I'm going to sleep. Which I guess is kind of pathetic considering I'm a guy but I really don't care anymore at this point.
