Discussion BPD

[RiviaGeralt]

I'm curious how many, if any on SS have been diagnosed with BPD? After doing a lot of research and talking with others, it seems like we are almost guaranteed at least an attempt during our lifetime

 

[BPD_LE]

Yes. I was diagnosed 20 years ago. 10% succeed in taking their lives. My best friend being one.

 

[Haku]

I was never professionally diagnosed, but I know that I have it

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Diagnosed with BPD
But it's not typical

 

[Connor36082]

I'm diagnosed, attempted a few times

 

[Lethe]

It's odd, I had never heard of this disorder before I came here. But there are sooo many members that have it, it seems.

 

[BPD_LE]

It's odd, I had never heard of this disorder before I came here. But there are sooo many members that have it, it seems.

Suicidal ideation and behaviour is one of the criteria for diagnosis. That's why there's so many of us here!

 

[OnlyMercy]

I have BPD.

 

[Root]

I was diagnosed with bpd almost 3 years ago. I hate it.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Never diagnosed yet just recently realised I meet the criteria.

Its a fucking bitch. The extreme ways I cling to partners and the confusing inability to form a stable identity and stick with it are the most fucked things of all and what have me want to ctb.

That plus the insidious and slowly debilitating way my mind seems to wired away from happiness and joy.

I've only just come to terms with how much of my fucking life I've struggled and didn't even fully admit.

I have never had any real idea what I'm doing or where I'm going only a relentless seeking for a partner to rescue me (mummy and daddy...)

My theory is that bpd belongs to highly sensitive people who didn't get the level of emotional nurturing they desperately needed, which is more than an average person.

I've never attempted suicide before yet ideated a lot. I don't think I could live with the shame of a failed attempt so if I ever do it's highly likely I will succeed.

Almost got everything I need for SN and it terrifies me. Its just working out whether continuing to live is more scary.

 

[Haku]

Never diagnosed yet just recently realised I meet the criteria.

Its a fucking bitch. The extreme ways I cling to partners and the confusing inability to form a stable identity and stick with it are the most fucked things of all and what have me want to ctb.

That plus the insidious and slowly debilitating way my mind seems to wired away from happiness and joy.

I've only just come to terms with how much of my fucking life I've struggled and didn't even fully admit.

I have never had any real idea what I'm doing or where I'm going only a relentless seeking for a partner to rescue me (mummy and daddy...)

My theory is that bpd belongs to highly sensitive people who didn't get the level of emotional nurturing they desperately needed, which is more than an average person.

I've never attempted suicide before yet ideated a lot. I don't think I could live with the shame of a failed attempt so if I ever do it's highly likely I will succeed.

Almost got everything I need for SN and it terrifies me. Its just working out whether continuing to live is more scary.

Exactly the way I feel, I am actually currently going through a situation right now because of this dam curse, and I am trying so hard to not prematurely ctb at this moment. I have my SN staring me in the face, but I do not have the meto I need for it yet. Regardless, im tempted to just down this thing right now, but I'm a coward if it all goes wrong, so I'm probably not going to act on my impulses, and its tearing me apart. Dam, I didnt thing I had it in me to get attached to anyone anymore, but I guess I was wrong. Well, sorry for my rant, just feel like I feel the same way with exactly what you said.

 

[OnlyMercy]

Never diagnosed yet just recently realised I meet the criteria.

Its a fucking bitch. The extreme ways I cling to partners and the confusing inability to form a stable identity and stick with it are the most fucked things of all and what have me want to ctb.

That plus the insidious and slowly debilitating way my mind seems to wired away from happiness and joy.

I've only just come to terms with how much of my fucking life I've struggled and didn't even fully admit.

I have never had any real idea what I'm doing or where I'm going only a relentless seeking for a partner to rescue me (mummy and daddy...)

My theory is that bpd belongs to highly sensitive people who didn't get the level of emotional nurturing they desperately needed, which is more than an average person.

I've never attempted suicide before yet ideated a lot. I don't think I could live with the shame of a failed attempt so if I ever do it's highly likely I will succeed.

Almost got everything I need for SN and it terrifies me. Its just working out whether continuing to live is more scary.

Wow! My thoughts exactly. I'm highly sensitive too and I've always wondered if there's a connection between Highly Sensitive people and those with Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

[notjustyetagain]

yes, my very first diagnosis over twenty years ago. many minor attempts (ods, slitting wrists/throat) and two major ones. dsm-v diagnostic criteria fwiw.

 

[Sharethepain]

It's commonly assumed that BPD develops in highly sensitive children that were not nurtured properly, were abused or otherwise faced far too many emotional hardships during their growth, that said I am also one.

 

[Nem]

What are the symptoms of bpd?
Peace

 

[notjustyetagain]

What are the symptoms of bpd?
Peace

[more detail here]

• Disturbances in experiencing oneself as unique, poor boundaries between self and others, and poor emotion regulation.
• An inability to soothe themselves adequately, resulting in excess emotional reactions to stresses and frustrations; maladaptive attempts at self-soothing, suicide threats, self-harm, and angry behavior
• An unstable sense of self with poor ability for self-direction and impaired ability to pursue meaningful short-term goals with satisfaction
• Marked instability in functioning, affect, mood, interpersonal relationships, and, at times, reality testing
• Disturbances in empathy and intimacy
• A pattern of impulsivity, risk taking, and poor self-image [source: dsm-v]

 

[freya]

i got this diagnosis about 20 years ago. in my 20s it was absolutely horrible,the 30s were much more better and now in my 40s it gets really bad again. ok,not the whole 30s where good.i would say i had 5 good years...

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I'm in the club. Professionally diagnosed since 18, kicked out of therapy and as I burn more and more familial bridges, leaving seems like the only way out.

Over 20 admissions for OD, 5 involuntary admissions into the psych unit. I am too intense for most and it's hard to see a way out. Contemplating SN but am fully aware that I've no room for error - I cannot and will not live a sub human existence in the psych unit anymore. But I've tried so hard to succeed in life and yet I'm a total wreck with interpersonal relations. Maybe only in death will there be peace. I'm still torn and the ambivalence is driving me crazy.

If I'm gone, I'll not lose what few friends I have. Currently it feels terrible - I'm crying almost daily and the pain is driving me up the wall. I truly am grateful for this space here.

*waves hi to fellow BPDers

 

[AgonyOnMe]

I'm a BPDer too. I was kicked out of the service for one attempt. They listed "personality disorder" but didn't say which one so I looked them up and knew right away it was BPD. I've made several attention-seeking attempts over the years but nothing drastic. This time however I really do want to. I quit my job, sold my house, sold my car, threw away all my pictures and paperwork- even tore up my birth certificate.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I was kicked out of the service for one attempt. They listed "personality disorder" but didn't say which one so I looked them up and knew right away it was BPD. I've made several attention-seeking attempts over the years but nothing drastic. This time however I really do want to. I quit my job, sold my house, sold my car, threw away all my pictures and paperwork- even tore up my birth certificate.

May there be peace for you, whichever route you choose. Happy to chat if you'd like, just pm me.

 

[AgonyOnMe]

i got this diagnosis about 20 years ago. in my 20s it was absolutely horrible,the 30s were much more better and now in my 40s it gets really bad again. ok,not the whole 30s where good.i would say i had 5 good years...

OMG you're right, I'm 47 and it did get bad again. Similar to 20s only without the emptiness THANK GOD.

Diagnosed with BPD
But it's not typical

What do you mean not typical? Like instead of clinging, you push them away? That's what I do and it makes it even worse because normal BPDers can at least relate to each other. I can't even do that.

 

[BPD_LE]

OMG you're right, I'm 47 and it did get bad again. Similar to 20s only without the emptiness THANK GOD.

I was terrible in my teens and early 20s. Early 30s I was doing great. I'm 37 now and this year I've gone right back to being a little shit. I'm confused and so is my Dr. Why do you think this happens? Any ideas?

 

[freya]

OMG you're right, I'm 47 and it did get bad again. Similar to 20s only without the emptiness THANK GOD.

What do you mean not typical? Like instead of clinging, you push them away? That's what I do and it makes it even worse because normal BPDers can at least relate to each other. I can't even do that.

here all inclusive,emptiness plus lots of aggression and isolation from friends. most people dont understand why i ignore them and get angry but i cant change.i never thought that it will become so bad again but here i am...

 

[GreyMonkey]

I was terrible in my teens and early 20s. Early 30s I was doing great. I'm 37 now and this year I've gone right back to being a little shit. I'm confused and so is my Dr. Why do you think this happens? Any ideas?

Yeah also had a hard time in teens but could never get a girlfriend. That probably would have totally fucked me up.

When my first ever girlfriend broke up with me, she was living in Thailand and I was in Australia, I had been flying over to see her every holiday through uni (met her on a holiday) I quit my job after becoming entirely dysfunctional and flew over there. It was an utter mess. Took me a year to recover.

Its always been relationships that set me off. When I'm not in one all I yearn for is one and try and improve myself in a really distracted and inconsistent way to make myself more desirable... then when I get in a relationship I completely abandoned my entire life making her the centre of my world as I start regressing into a wounded little boy.

The most recent relationship was an absolute killer as not only did I preoccupy she also was super inconsistent constantly pushing me away then pulling me close, telling me she didn't want me then ringing me every day, saying she just wanted to be friends then having sex with me.

Over and over for a year. It fucking destroyed me. Only today, even though we have technically been broken up since July (yet still met and been sexual and talked many times since then) did we finally have a conversation where we said goodbye.

I'm utterly broken. My life is a shambles. I'm overwhelmed barely making it with my studies. Lost 10kg. Started smoking heavily. Rarely eat 3 meals in a day. And live in a kind of fog.

I look at all the people around me living a normal life and I realise I've never quite felt normal or like them. Its only just dawned on me that I really am differently wired in my brain.

 

[freya]

I was terrible in my teens and early 20s. Early 30s I was doing great. I'm 37 now and this year I've gone right back to being a little shit. I'm confused and so is my Dr. Why do you think this happens? Any ideas?

for me i think its because i see what all of my friends have reach in their lifes,marriage,kids,house and so on.even though i dont want this kind of life. i dont work,have no kids,no aim (is this the word) i live from day to day without any sense.some days are better but mostly i am depressed and hate everyone and everything. i miss the life i had in the early 30s.

 

[Rachel74]

Got diagnosed about 3 years ago and I'm classed as severe. I've probably had it ever since I had my bipolar but it's taken a long time to accept I have it.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

OMG you're right, I'm 47 and it did get bad again. Similar to 20s only without the emptiness THANK GOD.

What do you mean not typical? Like instead of clinging, you push them away? That's what I do and it makes it even worse because normal BPDers can at least relate to each other. I can't even do that.

Yes I do, I always push people away. Everyone and everything hurts me emotionally since I was a child.
I am also very low energy which I guess is not typical too.
I was close with only one person in my whole life because they managed to get past through my defences and I still kept pushing them away, now they left me and that contributes to my desire to ctb.

 

[Squiddy]

I was diagnosed a few months ago and I was diagnosed also with bipolar and anxiety when I was 15.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Getting to the Root of It: Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment Through Trauma-Focused Therapies

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) remains one of the most elusive mental health disorders in terms of effective treatment, creating profound emotional distress for both those who suffer from it and their loved ones. Many people living with BPD feel a sense of hopelessness not only due to...

www.bridgestorecovery.com

 

[BPD_LE]

It's only just dawned on me that I really am differently wired in my brain.

This is how I feel. My brain just doesn't work in the same way as others. I'm on a completely different wavelength. People's behaviour confuses me.

for me i think its because i see what all of my friends have reach in their lifes,marriage,kids,house and so on.even though i dont want this kind of life. i dont work,have no kids,no aim (is this the word) i live from day to day without any sense.some days are better but mostly i am depressed and hate everyone and everything. i miss the life i had in the early 30s.

Bang! And with that you may have hit the nail on the head. I too have no career, no kids, no money, no friends, no life. I'm just waiting to die now.