Born Alone - Lived Alone - Dying Alone

[Silently Dying]

Well, it's been a while. This may be the most boring post ever printed but even if one person reads it, it will mean the world to me. I'm leaving at the end of the month (need to be sure I have enough money for my cremation). I'm older, lived a long time. Definitely ready to go. My mother was a narcissist, she actually hated me because I wasn't a boy. Like I had a choice in the matter. My sister was loved by her - I was kind of the black sheep of the family. Even though I did everything I was told to and never got into trouble (for fear of the consequences). well, my sister died of a drug overdose many years ago. Anyway, the witch never hugged me, told me she loved me - only told me how worthless I was, that I was stupid, ugly and I would never find anyone to love me. I heard that shit for 17 years - until she kicked me out of the house because her new husband didn't want me around. On my own my goal was to find someone to love me so I could prove her wrong. Huge mistake, I was used, abused physically, mentally and sexually. So, she was right I never found anyone to love me. Now, I'm nearing the end of my life. The pain I feel (mentally and emotionally) is unbearable. I'm trying t find someone who would scatter my ashes once I'm gone and sadly there is no one. I've lost any friend I ever had due to my depression, PTSD and anxiety. Therapists are worthless. My little girl was murdered by her step-father and er friends. They admitted they were with er when she died, yet no one was held accountable. The coroner felt sorry for them because they had to watch her die. WTF!!!! I should have died years ago, but there was always a glimmer of hope. That glimmer is gone. I'll be leaving here soon to drive cross country, I want to see the ocean one last time. Then I will be gone. I won't go into details on how I'm going, but it is 100% sure with no pain. I've come to realize that people are fake - they don't care about anyone else - I can't live in a world like this. I care too much - that's what has killed me.

 

[bankai]

I'm sorry. You have had a brutal life. That much is obvious. I hope you find peace.

 

[SVEN]

For what it's worth, I and others have read your post and appreciated the hurts you have endured. You may have had to wait years, but now at least you have a community where you are accepted and appreciated. My wish is that perhaps this might give you some little consolation in your journey.
Finally, you have been heard, and by others who can get something of your pain, for we, like you, have pain of our own.
Best wishes.

 

[Griever]

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this pain and suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the relief you search for.