Birthday

[Caustic]

Damn, My birthday is in a couple weeks and I do not know if i want to go before then.
I don't usually celebrate my birthday as I prefer to be alone but this is one of the "important" birthdays and I don't think I can mentally handle it as I struggle with thoughts all the time. I don't know when I should go. But i've already typed up my Letter and am planning on leaving a couple voice recordings for my loved ones.

Honestly just confused.

 

[theboy]

And do it on your birthday?

 

[Caustic]

And do it on your birthday?

I wasn't thinking on my birthday per say. I was thinking before but it would most definitely add to the dramatic effect if I did.

 

[hiddenbpd]

I've recently moved my date to my birthday. I struggle with my birthday every year. To me, it's another year of being unable to be happy.

 

[Caustic]

I've recently moved my date to my birthday. I struggle with my birthday every year. To me, it's another year of being unable to be happy.

so do I. I don't celebrate my birthday and All I want is to be left alone.

 

[hiddenbpd]

so do I. I don't celebrate my birthday and All I want is to be left alone.

Yeah I can understand that. I do usually end up feeling special by the end of the day because everyone is nice, but it's so short lived and the internal distress of feeling like a failure is too much for me.

 

[Caustic]

Yeah I can understand that. I do usually end up feeling special by the end of the day because everyone is nice, but it's so short lived and the internal distress of feeling like a failure is too much for me.

I understand completely. By the end of the day everyone is nice and caring. My only problem is I can't feel their love. I have suffered from this my entire life. I don't feel loved from people. It sucks lol.

 

[hiddenbpd]

I understand completely. By the end of the day everyone is nice and caring. My only problem is I can't feel their love. I have suffered from this my entire life. I don't feel loved from people. It sucks lol.

That would suck. Is it a lack of pleasure from everything or just relationships with people?

 

[Caustic]

That would suck. Is it a lack of pleasure from everything or just relationships with people?

Lack of pleasure with everything. But when it comes to people I can love them. I have a lot of love to give. I just don't feel it reciprocated when it is. People show me all the time that they do. Its a hard thing to explain but I've only felt cared for like twice in my entire life.

 

[hiddenbpd]

Lack of pleasure with everything. But when it comes to people I can love them. I have a lot of love to give. I just don't feel it reciprocated when it is. People show me all the time that they do. Its a hard thing to explain but I've only felt cared for like twice in my entire life.

Ahh I understand. I'm sorry, that's gotta be lonely.

 

[Caustic]

Ahh I understand. I'm sorry, that's gotta be lonely.

It is what it is. All love <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that if you have a method planned then you can just leave this world when the time feels right. I personally view birthdays as being something depressing as I hate both the idea of ageing and the fact that I've managed to exist for another year and I like the sound of ending the suffering on the same day in which it all started. But I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[freedomcalls]

Lack of pleasure with everything. But when it comes to people I can love them. I have a lot of love to give. I just don't feel it reciprocated when it is. People show me all the time that they do. Its a hard thing to explain but I've only felt cared for like twice in my entire life.

I relate to this 100%

I can think of one instance where I felt loved for a brief but beautiful time (which was actually in one of the most toxic "relationships" in my life… go figure )

I think the part of me that should be able to receive love is broken

 

[Caustic]

I relate to this 100%

I can think of one instance where I felt loved for a brief but beautiful time (which was actually in one of the most toxic "relationships" in my life… go figure )

I think the part of me that should be able to receive love is broken

You know I feel indifferent about this. On one hand I'm relieved that someone knows what its like and knows how I feel. But it also breaks my heart to now that you and others feel what I feel and go through the same emotions. I hope you heal from whatever is troubling you. I gotta lot of love for you <3

 

[Caustic]

I guess that if you have a method planned then you can just leave this world when the time feels right. I personally view birthdays as being something depressing as I hate both the idea of ageing and the fact that I've managed to exist for another year and I like the sound of ending the suffering on the same day in which it all started. But I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

I must say that I love seeing you comment under mine and others posts. Everything you say is so poetic and beautiful. Thank you, much love <3