Venting Becoming unsure

[lifeispain0216]

I am becoming unsure about if i want to CTB. I've been really convinced recently and in the past so I think I'll keep looking for resources and for a partner (because dying alone is just too sad) in case the situation changes which would seal the deal for me tbh.

The reason I'm becoming unsure is that the guy I'm talking to is telling me how sad he would be. I'm not sure I believe him but I still feel rlly guilty cuz I'll be on here or looking into SN sources and then he'll text and i have to act like I'm fine so he doesn't worry. i just feel like a liar, like I'm making plans with him knowing that I'm still mostly sure I'm not going to be here. hes literally all i have left in terms of ppl i feel comfy talking to and ppl to hang out with but i havent even known him all that long. anyways, just venting.

 

[casual_existence]

I wonder if being suicidal turns us into horrible people hah. I have to lie to my family and will not tell them if my plans. Deception, lying. I don't know what kind of person I imagined myself becoming but certainly not this.

 

[lifeispain0216]

I wonder if being suicidal turns us into horrible people hah. I have to lie to my family and will not tell them if my plans. Deception, lying. I don't know what kind of person I imagined myself becoming but certainly not this.

I know. it's making me feel so guilty but he knows where im staying rn so ill have to go without a word otherwise he'd probably call 911.

 

[Sleeper System]

I'm involved in an on going experiment. I have absolutely no issue telling anyone about my suicidal ideation because I don't ultimately care what others think. All they need to do is ask specifically about it. It's been 11 years and no one has asked. So I don't feel like I'm lying or keeping anything from anyone. I guess I'm doing an okay job continuing to play the average person card.

 

[lifeispain0216]

I'm involved in an on going experiment. I have absolutely no issue telling anyone about my suicidal ideation because I don't ultimately care what others think. All they need to do is ask specifically about it. It's been 11 years and no one has asked. So I don't feel like I'm lying or keeping anything from anyone. I guess I'm doing an okay job continuing to play the average person card.

yeah well people do ask me im bad at hiding my emotions, especially irl but also over text. i get asked whats wrong when im perfectly fine too.

 

[Sid19]

I wonder if being suicidal turns us into horrible people hah. I have to lie to my family and will not tell them if my plans. Deception, lying. I don't know what kind of person I imagined myself becoming but certainly not this.

I feel excatly the same. My date is nearing and I'm soon going to do ctb. I know my family will have to go through some really tough time and I still have to do it. It makes me feel so anxious, scared and worried right now.