My sister found me here and actively catfished me. But not to help me - I think maybe nothing has ever made her happier in her life than knowing mine is ending. Not being dramatic, it's the reality I live in. Some people have too many feelings, some people don't have any, some have the wrong ones where the right ones should be. I've spent my life thinking other people were like me, that they hurt when others hurt, that the immediate reaction is to want to take that hurt away. It took me far too long to realise that some people are cats, toying with people like mice. I'm the dumb mouse, my sister is the sociopathic cat, incapable of love, having never been loved herself - the only relationship she was ever in, she physically & emotionally tortured her partner for years. Years of violence. The ex is still deeply traumatised. I had no idea at the time & am ashamed about that. My sister isn't at all ashamed of the abuse, would do it again if anyone would ever have her. I debated whether to write on this thread or not, fearing the consequences, because I am genuinely afraid of her - multiple people in my family have died mysteriously without witnesses or suddenly when they had been fine or of an overdose of something they weren't known to be taking so I'm guessing she's capable of buying my bus ticket out of here without me having to do it. I really don't know. But because of who or what she is, this will probably actually inflate her ego even more. I know I shouldn't post this…
EDIT: after reading a later post, I realised I'd completely left out the bit where she stole my life savings from me too. I guess because it doesn't really matter in the end - for me, I mean, not other people - I'm terminally ill, CTB'ing is just speeding up the process & cutting down the pain. Once I knew I couldn't live with or without money, (& I had enough money for SN) it didn't matter that she took everything else. Who knew some of us have siblings we love more than life & are terrified of leaving behind & that some of us know our siblings never loved us, not even a little bit???? I'm pretty confident I'll delete this later, when the real fear kicks in….