Venting I hate being invisible

[uglyugly]

I'm pissed off today and am so damn sick and tired of being invisible. I realize no one owes me a damn thing but the lack of basic manners still infuriates me. At work, my boss continually ignores me when I talk. I ask him questions related to work (I'm not just running my damn mouth for the hell of it) and he does not answer. He gave me a project yesterday. I started to tell him it was complete and he cut me off mid sentence and started talking to my male coworker. That is really rude. I got pissed and just walked out (it was 2 hours past my quitting time anyhow.) I've noticed a pattern - he only does this with women unless the woman is young and cute. I'm the last person to pull the "feminist" card but I honestly do think he's a chauvinist. A number of my female coworkers over 30 have been treated the same way and we've all acknowledged it. I realize he is the one with the problem, not me, but I don't like being treated as if I don't exist.

My dad sometimes does the same thing. I'll be talking to him about something I think is important. He cuts me off and starts talking off topic. He has somewhat of an excuse - he is getting or already has dementia. It still is upsetting.

The funny thing is when I ctb, the people at work who have ignored me will all commiserate and say stupid shit like "Why did she do it? I would have been here for her. I liked her."

Bull fucking shit.

If you aren't there for someone in life, don't pretend to give a fuck when they are dead. That behavior is nothing but virtue signaling.

 

[-Link-]

People in a professional environment do owe you a certain level of respect.

Do you push back against this behaviour? I mean, assert yourself? I only ask that rhetorically as you did flag this as a venting post. But I do want to put this out there... for you or anyone reading this who might experience the same in their day-to-day life:

If being ignored: Raise voice by a level or two, put a firm tone to it, and say, "Excuse me, I'm talking to you." Still ignoring? Same thing, only another level louder. Keep increasing volume until acknowledged. If there's opportunity, position yourself between the other person and whatever else they're focused on (accounting for the fact that repositioning yourself like this could be construed as an act of aggression). Hand gestures too, at some point.

If interrupted: Same firm tone, and say, "I wasn't done speaking," or, "Let me finish my point," or, "I'll let you know when I'm done talking." Repeat with increasing volume as needed.

If veering off topic: "OK, but I want to circle back to what we were just talking about," or, "We were talking about X," or, "How is that relevant to what I just said?"

This, totally unapologetically. And bearing in mind this won't always work, of course.

Now, especially in the case of a woman and depending on the personality traits of the other person (eg. chauvinism)... This assertiveness could result in the other person viewing you as "a bitch." But that's just insecurity on their part, equating "assertive woman" with "bitch," in which case you might take some pride in the label.

 

[KillingPain267]

The funny thing is when I ctb, the people at work who have ignored me will all commiserate and say stupid shit like "Why did she do it? I would have been here for her. I liked her."

Bull fucking shit.

If you aren't there for someone in life, don't pretend to give a fuck when they are dead. That behavior is nothing but virtue signaling.

 

[uglyugly]

People in a professional environment do owe you a certain level of respect.

Do you push back against this behaviour? I mean, assert yourself? I only ask that rhetorically as you did flag this as a venting post. But I do want to put this out there... for you or anyone reading this who might experience the same in their day-to-day life:

Sorry it took me a bit to respond. I really appreciate your response.

The answer is sometimes I push back, but mostly I don't. I've seen the people before me who have tried and then been treated much worse. I'm already dealing with so much stress outside of that job with taking care of my dad and trying to keep my head above water financially that I don't want to make the situation even more unbearable than it is. I have never been good at fighting back. BUT, you have some excellent suggestions and I'll work on getting up my nerve. I am looking for another job, not only because I am miserable there but because I am slowly but surely losing my ability to support myself financially with what I make versus inflation.

I am not concerned about being seen as a bitch. It's just fighting a lifelong inability to stand up for myself.