I have never told a soul about this attempt, but I feel the urge to discuss after binge-reading a bunch of articles about people CTB in psych wards. The successful ones always make it look simple, don't they?
I tried this method in my room a year or so ago. Got a dressing gown/romper string that was soft and thick. Literally just searched up on youtube how to make a noose. I made sure I could keep it fairly loose until I was in my position which was lying down. Is that weird??? It feels stupid. I tied the other end to my bedpost, tightened the noose and literally just laid down and made sure my body weight was heavy on the floor. Only took a few minutes, maybe? To feel terrible. Like, my whole body was shaking, my brain felt tight and I saw stars. I realise now that probably meant I wasn't doing it right (from what I've read on here briefly) but my god in that moment I knew if I was to stay like that I'd be dead before long. It was terrifying but exciting. Then I thought I heard foot steps outside my room (living with whole family at time) and I was suddenly most scared about someone catching me in the act if they heard weird sounds and tried to open my door. The sheer embarrassment of someone finding me overrode my desperation to die and I had enough strength to prop myself up.
I beat myself up very often for bailing. I feel like such an idiot for caring what someone might think of me.
What I'm trying to get at is if you all think doing the same thing would be worth it. Maybe the method needs a few tweaks, but overall it feels doable especially if people can hang themselves successfully and die within 10 minutes in a psych ward. I don't live at home anymore so it's just bouncing in my head should I should I should I. Incase I can't access SN this feels like my next best option.
I tried this method in my room a year or so ago. Got a dressing gown/romper string that was soft and thick. Literally just searched up on youtube how to make a noose. I made sure I could keep it fairly loose until I was in my position which was lying down. Is that weird??? It feels stupid. I tied the other end to my bedpost, tightened the noose and literally just laid down and made sure my body weight was heavy on the floor. Only took a few minutes, maybe? To feel terrible. Like, my whole body was shaking, my brain felt tight and I saw stars. I realise now that probably meant I wasn't doing it right (from what I've read on here briefly) but my god in that moment I knew if I was to stay like that I'd be dead before long. It was terrifying but exciting. Then I thought I heard foot steps outside my room (living with whole family at time) and I was suddenly most scared about someone catching me in the act if they heard weird sounds and tried to open my door. The sheer embarrassment of someone finding me overrode my desperation to die and I had enough strength to prop myself up.
I beat myself up very often for bailing. I feel like such an idiot for caring what someone might think of me.
What I'm trying to get at is if you all think doing the same thing would be worth it. Maybe the method needs a few tweaks, but overall it feels doable especially if people can hang themselves successfully and die within 10 minutes in a psych ward. I don't live at home anymore so it's just bouncing in my head should I should I should I. Incase I can't access SN this feels like my next best option.
