Anyone else thinking about not leaving a note?

[AtomicNewt]

Might be one more sign of how useless I am but cannot imagine leaving a note, cannot conceive explaining and my mind is blank - is this common? Also, although unlikely, it might be trickier to certainly pin down death as deliberate without one and I would like to spare the few people I have that pain...

 

[bhav]

Pretty much the only reason I'm leaving a note is to let people know not to blame themselves. That this is my life and my decision to make and they shouldn't blame themselves for my choice. I want to minimise the damage of my death as much as I can before I actually die.

 

[Endqualia]

Yeah I hear that man, having the same problem. I don't want any one blaming themselves for my death so I'm thinking of just writing something like: I die by my own choise. Tired of it all. I blame no one.

 

[Quiet_Sandwich]

I won't be leaving a note, but that's mostly because I've already told my family how I feel. They know that I'm pretty upset with the whole world.
I don't think I would be able to write a good note anyway, I'd just sit there, looking at an empty page, unable to decide how to phrase what I want to convey.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Not really a note, but I've been typing in a journal for years, and when I die, and someone gets access to my computer they'll be able to see it all. Everything. My feelings and reasons why, what's been on my mind, reveals and secrets that are best left unsaid, and so on. I protect that journal. If someone were to see it while I was alive, with everything that is in there, I couldn't imagine what would happen.

 

[AtomicNewt]

I won't be leaving a note, but that's mostly because I've already told my family how I feel. They know that I'm pretty upset with the whole world.
I don't think I would be able to write a good note anyway, I'd just sit there, looking at an empty page, unable to decide how to phrase what I want to convey.

Yeah, it's one more thing to think about failing miserably at isn't it and really would seem to seal the fate of abject loser if it's your last...

Not really a note, but I've been typing in a journal for years, and when I die, and someone gets access to my computer they'll be able to see it all. Everything. My feelings and reasons why, what's been on my mind, reveals and secrets that are best left unsaid, and so on. I protect that journal. If someone were to see it while I was alive, with everything that is in there, I couldn't imagine what would happen.

They, depending of course on nearest and dearest, will blame themselves though, whatever you right. I remember being on the other side of this one years ago and how it felt. If you have material to leave them that you think will explain though go for it ☀

 

[Quiet_Sandwich]

Yeah, it's one more thing to think about failing miserably at isn't it and really would seem to seal the fate of abject loser if it's your last...

Heh, that'd be a fitting end, wouldn't it? I'm worried that a poorly thought-out note might cause more harm than not saying anything at all.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Yeah I hear that man, having the same problem. I don't want any one blaming themselves for my death so I'm thinking of just writing something like: I die by my own choise. Tired of it all. I blame no one.

Sometimes there really isn't anyone to "blame" it's life, and death is part of that. Its difficult though, people say that suicide is selfish, but sometimes forcing someone to live because you need them to is selfish. Just need more people to understand that...

 

[Soul]

I've written my advance directive, my will and a list of instructions, but that's enough.

 

[appalachian moon]

For me it would be less of a hassle to leave without a note. How much can I explain on a sheet of paper without it turning out to be like another one of my journal entries? I just find suicide notes to be tiring because I never know the right words. How much should I explain? Then it ends up feeling like I'm submitting a paper for school and getting graded for it.

 

[No Future]

Those who love you will spend the rest of their lives wondering why.

Was it them? Something they did? Something they could have done? Something they missed? Was it their fault entirely.

The implications of regret, neglect and the hopeless, unprovable curiosity is enough to drive people mad. With nothing to go on, the people you leave behind may have a hole they cannot fill, no matter how hard they try.

Once you're dead; no more responsibility. Even the attempt to explain is enough. If your mind is dull, blank and empty - write that. It has a lot of implication. Writing that might help you go into why you feel so hollow.

Feel free to PM me if you think it could be explored. Just a conversation. No pressure.

Even a little can say a lot, and saying nothing at all is torture for those left wanting to hear anything.

 

[Jolene40]

I've written my advance directive, my will and a list of instructions, but that's enough.

When I gave mine to doctors in the hospital they sent me a psychiatrist

 

[Broken Chimera]

I won't leave one. Because they know why I have do this.

 

[dolphin]

I have a note for my psychiatrist which was fairly easy to write. I have no idea what to say to my family. I feel like it would just be really impersonal, "I love you, I'm so sorry, blah blah". I almost don't even want to leave one. My family don't really understand what has been up with me but psychiatrist would so I think it would be better if they were to explain to family that this wasn't impulsive etc. What should I leave for family??

I was thinking about leaving a note for the police at the hotel that just says it was suicide so hopefully the investigation is easier. How should I address it?

One last question: I was thinking of mailing my letter to psychiatrist but based on what I've read, he would probably have to turn it into the police anyway, right? Should I just keep it with me at the hotel?

 

[Soul]

Those who love you will spend the rest of their lives wondering why.

Was it them? Something they did? Something they could have done? Something they missed? Was it their fault entirely.

The implications of regret, neglect and the hopeless, unprovable curiosity is enough to drive people mad. With nothing to go on, the people you leave behind may have a hole they cannot fill, no matter how hard they try.

Once you're dead; no more responsibility. Even the attempt to explain is enough. If your mind is dull, blank and empty - write that. It has a lot of implication. Writing that might help you go into why you feel so hollow.

Feel free to PM me if you think it could be explored. Just a conversation. No pressure.

Even a little can say a lot, and saying nothing at all is torture for those left wanting to hear anything.

@No Future, you're very eloquent. I've been getting all that said in person so a note would be redundant. But other people have other situations

If it's sincere I'm sure a simple "I love you and I'm sorry - it's my choice and no one's fault" would be very treasured by people left behind.

A "to whom it may concern" note stating that my death is a suicide is probably a good idea too. Thanks, people, for pointing that out.

 

[Slenderman]

I will absolutely not leave a note. I tried so many times and ended up scribbling it out and crinkling it up. I cannot find the appropriate words to describe what's on my mind and I don't think I'll ever find them.

 

[No Future]

@No Future, you're very eloquent. I've been getting all that said in person so a note would be redundant. But other people have other situations

If it's sincere I'm sure a simple "I love you and I'm sorry - it's my choice and no one's fault" would be very treasured by people left behind.

A "to whom it may concern" note stating that my death is a suicide is probably a good idea too. Thanks, people, for pointing that out.

Thank you. I recognise forcing words and platitudes is difficult when living in a fog. It's a near artform.
A note should be a final opportunity to leave some notion of your thoughts, longings and wishes, so that the ones you leave aren't completely lost as to why you left. Others may learn from it.

I practically envy the respect, courage and relationships and relationships you must have to approach people with your thoughts verbally @Soul . Kudos to you.

It's hard, but if anyone is struggling to write a note, let it be a stream of conciousness. This is an opportunity for utter honestly, and so your kin and peers don't have to create answers for questions made impossible to answer.

As mentioned: I invite anyone to PM me if you are struggling to put words to that shitty, heavy cloud hanging over your head. It's almost impossible to externalize when you're in that fog on your own.

It's like trying to write a song, when know fuck all about music. Doable; definitely fucking difficult.

 

[Final Escape]

I can't leave any notes. I wouldn't even know what to say.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Yeah, it's one more thing to think about failing miserably at isn't it and really would seem to seal the fate of abject loser if it's your last...

They, depending of course on nearest and dearest, will blame themselves though, whatever you right. I remember being on the other side of this one years ago and how it felt. If you have material to leave them that you think will explain though go for it ☀

This may seem silly, but I have been on the receiving end of a family suicide, and found his suicide disc, but I have never felt guilty. It was my brother's choice. There is nothing I could have said or done that would have changed the outcome. In short...if you are comfortable doing so then go ahead...smile.

 

[johnonymous]

I'm going to say in no uncertain terms that it was purely my decision and I am solely to blame.

 

[mathieu]

I will say I'm sorry but I can't go on. Don't blame yourselves, nothing you could have done differently would have saved me.

 

[Xaphous]

I want people to know how much I suffered because of others. I even think of writing about it on my body in permanent marker the mortician can read too.

 

[RM5998]

Well, words and thoughts only mean something to me in a performative sense, and after I'm dead, the performance is done. I don't know what to say, and how to say it. In any case, my thoughts are permanently jumbled and nonsensical, and my words are bland and uncommunicative.

 

[dolphin]

Well, words and thoughts only mean something to me in a performative sense, and after I'm dead, the performance is done. I don't know what to say, and how to say it. In any case, my thoughts are permanently jumbled and nonsensical, and my words are bland and uncommunicative.

Yeah, this. Everything I'm saying is pretty much instructional.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Those who love you will spend the rest of their lives wondering why.

Was it them? Something they did? Something they could have done? Something they missed? Was it their fault entirely.

The implications of regret, neglect and the hopeless, unprovable curiosity is enough to drive people mad. With nothing to go on, the people you leave behind may have a hole they cannot fill, no matter how hard they try.

Once you're dead; no more responsibility. Even the attempt to explain is enough. If your mind is dull, blank and empty - write that. It has a lot of implication. Writing that might help you go into why you feel so hollow.

Feel free to PM me if you think it could be explored. Just a conversation. No pressure.

Even a little can say a lot, and saying nothing at all is torture for those left wanting to hear anything.

My brother shot himself in the head many years ago. None of us ever blamed ourselves. None of us ever wondered why he did what he did. No guilt, no wondering, no sense of 'could I have done something'. Not everyone who follows through on their own death is 'hollow'. There are far more salient points to suicide than whim. It is a conglomerate of issues that lend credence to the idea of self-inflicted death, not some hairy-fairy ideology/feeling. The issues many deal with are overwhelmingly pragmatic. Sorry I think that I am merely tired of hearing the word 'depression' as the only reason behind suicide. Most of us would prefer euthanasia if given a choice. Problem is for most there is no choice. Hope that made sense...duh. Almost time for dinner...

Well, words and thoughts only mean something to me in a performative sense, and after I'm dead, the performance is done. I don't know what to say, and how to say it. In any case, my thoughts are permanently jumbled and nonsensical, and my words are bland and uncommunicative.

Your writing certainly isn't RM. Organized, precise, concise...and for me, perfectly understood.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

I have a note for my psychiatrist which was fairly easy to write. I have no idea what to say to my family. I feel like it would just be really impersonal, "I love you, I'm so sorry, blah blah". I almost don't even want to leave one. My family don't really understand what has been up with me but psychiatrist would so I think it would be better if they were to explain to family that this wasn't impulsive etc. What should I leave for family??

I was thinking about leaving a note for the police at the hotel that just says it was suicide so hopefully the investigation is easier. How should I address it?

One last question: I was thinking of mailing my letter to psychiatrist but based on what I've read, he would probably have to turn it into the police anyway, right? Should I just keep it with me at the hotel?

Leave a simple note for them.

 

[Jynxer]

Yes and no.
My last attempt I left 5 ( mom, dad, and 3 best friends) as well as a DNR, which was obviously disregarded. My letters were just saying goodbye and I'm sorry I couldn't handle this world. I don't know where they ended up. They were very personal and I don't know who read them. That scares me into not wanting to leave one next time.

But on the other hand, I still feel the need to leave some sort of note explaining that I want to leave this earth because of my own reasons and suffering, not because of someone in my life.

 

[dolphin]

Leave a simple note for them.

Yeah, you're right. At first I was worried about them reading detailed stuff to family but I don't plan on writing very much now so it shouldn't matter.

 

[AtomicNewt]

I will say I'm sorry but I can't go on. Don't blame yourselves, nothing you could have done differently would have saved me.

Totally fair. Personally won't do that as people in my experience that haven't felt suicidal can't grasp that. But yours is succinct, unless you have serious gripe with particular issue it's all that needs to be said.

 

[SinisterKid]

The people close to me know my issues so there is no cause to leave a note for anyone. The first attempt was very spontaneous and I left no note, I see no reason to change that now. Suicide is totally and completely selfish [from a once dead man] and no amount of words will make it any easier for anyone else or ourselves. So no, no notes, no last words, just peace I hope.