Venting Anyone else frustrated that it's come to this?

[loser4ever4life]

As the title says. I'm just feeling a whirlwind of emotions, can't believe it's come to this. I can't believe I'm legitimately considering this, I've felt trapped for some time now. So depressed I couldn't drag myself out of bed but now that spring is here I have just enough energy. I'm angry at myself for not having the strength to go on I guess, I feel like a coward, feels like I don't have a choice but to go forward. What are others feelings?

 

[Linda]

Do you know what is causing the depression? Sometimes depression is caused by difficult external circumstances, and the depression will lift when those circumstances change. That kind of depression is a natural reaction to difficult circumstances, and in the past would have had survival value. It happened to me once, a long time ago, I didn't understand why I was so badly depressed, and I nearly caught the bus as a result.

Sometimes depression is unrelated to external circumstances, and is basically your brain misbehaving. That kind may respond to anti-depressants. There are different kinds of anti-depressants, and some of them don't work for everyone. If you are unlucky, none of them will work.

If you can't relate your depression to external circumstances, then probably you should see a doctor, and find out whether anti-depressants help.

Anti-depressants can have side effects, occasionally severe side effects, but usually they do more good than harm.

 

[loser4ever4life]

Hi Linda, I've heard lots about you and I have to say I don't know how you did it, all those years. For me it was kind of seasonal, but I'm just stuck in cycles. Depressive states where I can't do much and then manic states where I make a fool of myself. External circumstances definitely make the moods more extreme. No medication has worked and I've just lost the courage to go on. I always relied on anger or the people around me but I don't want to be a burden anymore. I feel like most people would look at my life, partner, medical school, friends, and ask me why I would think of doing such a thing.

I know that depressive states come and go, but I just don't want to go back. When I feel like a husk of a human being, its more painful. Watching those around me try and help to no avail.

Thanks for responding

 

[pretentioussuika]

My ex ruined my life. If they also ruined their own life, i wouldn't be considering this at all. But instead their life is basically perfect, it's everything that promised me when they first pressured me into the relationship, but instead they abused me for two years and then gave it all to something else.

People who know them and people who know their now-partner have kept telling me they're going to crash hard. It's been well over a year now.

 

[Linda]

Hi Linda, I've heard lots about you and I have to say I don't know how you did it, all those years. For me it was kind of seasonal, but I'm just stuck in cycles. Depressive states where I can't do much and then manic states where I make a fool of myself. External circumstances definitely make the moods more extreme. No medication has worked and I've just lost the courage to go on. I always relied on anger or the people around me but I don't want to be a burden anymore. I feel like most people would look at my life, partner, medical school, friends, and ask me why I would think of doing such a thing.

I know that depressive states come and go, but I just don't want to go back. When I feel like a husk of a human being, its more painful. Watching those around me try and help to no avail.

Thanks for responding

May I suggest that you don't ctb when you are in a down. Your judgement might not be sound then. If you are sure that you want to leave this world, then you will be sure at all times. It would be wise to depart at a time when you know you can trust your judgement.

 

[loser4ever4life]

May I suggest that you don't ctb when you are in a down. Your judgement might not be sound then. If you are sure that you want to leave this world, then you will be sure at all times. It would be wise to depart at a time when you know you can trust your judgement.

That's just the problem, I know I am out of the "down" period right now, I know it will come back, but it will fade away again. You're right that people shouldn't trust their judgment in a down period.

Do you think people who do want to ctb, and are of sound mind, are unwavering in their commitment to ctb? I want to hear more about your perspective on this if you're willing to share?

 

[Linda]

That's just the problem, I know I am out of the "down" period right now, I know it will come back, but it will fade away again. You're right that people shouldn't trust their judgment in a down period.

Do you think people who do want to ctb, and are of sound mind, are unwavering in their commitment to ctb? I want to hear more about your perspective on this if you're willing to share?

Some are. I can explain my own position, though it's not typical. I concluded when I was about 15 or 16 that life has no ultimate purpose or meaning, and that I would have preferred not to have been born. That didn't make me either depressed or suicidal. It was just a fact about the world - in the same sort of league as the fact that the sky is blue. But it did mean that I don't feel any strong ties to the world. I consider life to be worth living, on a day to day basis, if there are enough good things to give me some short term goals and meaning, but not otherwise. I'm now 71 and my view has not changed. I have had a good life, compared with most people, and I have a wonderful partner. We have been together for nearly 42 years. But I know that when he dies, I will cease to be getting enough out of life for it to be worth staying. The negative things in life will then outweight the positive ones. I will ctb then. I have known that for many years, and I haven't changed my mind on that either.

 

[sanction]

Yup. Feels surreal. Imagine being on this planet for some decades. From childhood, school, growing up, experiencing different things, having dreams and goals, meeting all sorts of different people, family, relationships....

Just to now end up all alone, and trying to "off" yourself in private, facing your own death, all alone

While everybody else already moved on, and the rest of the world is continuing on without you

Truly feels like the whole universe turned upside down

All I can say is... at the very least, thanks to this community being available to us, so can at least connect with people that can relate

Imagine this site not existing. It would be even EXTRA lonely and worst. Very appreciative of this site

By the way @Linda, I enjoy hearing your perspective a lot. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. In the end, for people that are suicidal, do you think there is something wrong with them? Or is it considered normal?

Also, since the world changed a lot in recent decades due to internet and technology, what are your thoughts on it? In general, is life better now, or was it better before this era?

 

[whiskers]

I honestly don't care. I decided that life isn't worth living since I was 16 so ive grown numb to the emotions.
Im really excited to ctb