xXiloveyouXx
"was" is the saddest word of all
- Jul 27, 2024
- 31
To put it simply, I received news on the phone yesterday. What I want is impossible, it can never be, no matter what words I say or what I actions I take, my squirming and kicking and fighting life is a bunch of sound and fury that signifies nothing. Fighting something impossible to overcome is as pointless as fighting against the inevitability of death. Why should I fight when I know for a certainty that I can never have what I want out of life?
This is why I feel so at peace right now, at peace with the entire world and my place in it, because I finally have a certainty to stand on. Nothing has been certain for me for so long. This terrible news is objective. It's now the ground and the boundaries of my world. So I'm not very afraid of anything all of a sudden. I'm not afraid of death. It's better to gently accept it since it's coming for all of us in the end anyway, and there's peace in inevitabilities.
I was not. I was. I am not. I don't care.
What's waiting for me when I die are the fulfillment of all of my failed dreams from when I was alive, and she'll be there too and we'll laugh and talk and embrace forever in a perfect state of non-existence. More than dead, not alive. I'm going to let myself sink because I'm so confident that it will all be okay in death, at the end of all things, at the end of time itself. Whatever it is, it has to be good. It has to be a beautiful dream.
This is why I feel so at peace right now, at peace with the entire world and my place in it, because I finally have a certainty to stand on. Nothing has been certain for me for so long. This terrible news is objective. It's now the ground and the boundaries of my world. So I'm not very afraid of anything all of a sudden. I'm not afraid of death. It's better to gently accept it since it's coming for all of us in the end anyway, and there's peace in inevitabilities.
I was not. I was. I am not. I don't care.
What's waiting for me when I die are the fulfillment of all of my failed dreams from when I was alive, and she'll be there too and we'll laugh and talk and embrace forever in a perfect state of non-existence. More than dead, not alive. I'm going to let myself sink because I'm so confident that it will all be okay in death, at the end of all things, at the end of time itself. Whatever it is, it has to be good. It has to be a beautiful dream.
