Anybody ever try to date someone you find unattractive?

[MachineGunDani]

I date a person if I connected with them. With connection comes attraction. When I lose that connection, they become unattractive.

I agree! And personalities can make or break a persons appearance!

 

[Eily]

When you say it happened to you twice, do you mean that YOU slept with people you found unattractive, or people viewed YOU as unattractive, yet used you for sex anyhow? If it's the latter, I fear that happened to me, too.

No, I found them all attractive but they didn't really find me attractive. My longest relationship was 6 years and we actually broke up almost 6 months ago. And no, I was also in a sexless relationship. We had it once in a while and when I asked him if he wanted to have sex, he would sigh and act like I asked him to wash the dishes. We had lots of fights and he became super emotionally abusive (and very rarely but still happened) physically abusive.

 

[Eily]

So, you were with people you found unattractive because you craved sex? (Not judging, just trying to clarify. I fear that men might do this to me.) So, the quality of the sex doesn't suffer even if you find the person unattractive?

No I didn't crave sex, I just thought these guys loved me. What I've learned is that some will stay with you because they are insecure themselves (kinda like someone else mentioned here).. that's also bad to do because like I said you start to become bitter. Some are afraid to be alone, some use you for the moment if they need a place to stay or something like that. Some need to prove to themselves that they aren't shallow. Some feel that beautiful people are mean/shallow. Some men even feel that being with an ugly girl will mean their girl will stay in their lane. Meaning she wouldn't cheat or be tempted by men because no one will be attracted to her. I've heard men say this. That they hate dating attractive girls because men are always after them.

Ultimately I just wish people understood that love isn't a convenience. Like whatever issues you have about yourself, leave love out of it! So many people get hurt because of the silly reasons I've listed above. Love someone because they check off everything on your list to begin with. Don't force yourself or learn to love them. I believe love should be real and instant.

 

[Bluedew]

Some of the most physically "attractive" people are actually the ugliest people. Vanity is definitely an unattractive attribute for me ! I guess it just comes down to what someone is attracted to. If you are attracted to personality and character and you meet someone who is a selfish vain asshole but is physically beautiful, it won't work. If they're not the best looking physically but they're a great person, a good match for you, then it could be awesome.

 

[azucaramargo]

I asked someone out to dinner that I wasn't attracted to. Usually there is more than looks. I quickly realized she thought worse of me from the beginning[/QUOTE

No I didn't crave sex, I just thought these guys loved me. What I've learned is that some will stay with you because they are insecure themselves (kinda like someone else mentioned here).. that's also bad to do because like I said you start to become bitter. Some are afraid to be alone, some use you for the moment if they need a place to stay or something like that. Some need to prove to themselves that they aren't shallow. Some feel that beautiful people are mean/shallow. Some men even feel that being with an ugly girl will mean their girl will stay in their lane. Meaning she wouldn't cheat or be tempted by men because no one will be attracted to her. I've heard men say this. That they hate dating attractive girls because men are always after them.

Ultimately I just wish people understood that love isn't a convenience. Like whatever issues you have about yourself, leave love out of it! So many people get hurt because of the silly reasons I've listed above. Love someone because they check off everything on your list to begin with. Don't force yourself or learn to love them. I believe love should be real and instant.

Wow, Eileen! This was so well-written! Thank you for breaking this down. This is a sad world.

 

[azucaramargo]

To me personality is the deciding factor to where I'm attracted to them or not. I wouldn't be able to fake that in a relationship.

That's big of you, Red Star. Nice to hear.

 

[azucaramargo]

No, I found them all attractive but they didn't really find me attractive. My longest relationship was 6 years and we actually broke up almost 6 months ago. And no, I was also in a sexless relationship. We had it once in a while and when I asked him if he wanted to have sex, he would sigh and act like I asked him to wash the dishes. We had lots of fights and he became super emotionally abusive (and very rarely but still happened) physically abusive.

That piece of crap. How are you holding it together so well? You seem to be doing very well after the break-up. And, guys' not wanting to have sex has a LOT to do with them rather than their partner. I'm no expert, but why do you assume your attractiveness was the problem? I REALLY doubt that. Stands to reason that this emotionally abusive guy would make his inability to perform seem like YOUR issue.

 

[GreenLantern]

This was disgusting... she smoked like hell, she was so ugly. I don't even know why i dated with her (just dated, no sex and serious love affair involved) for 5-6 days. Thank god she just litearlly disappeared.

Thank you for being brave enough to start this thread. I felt bad for the time I did this but it looks like this has happened to others also.

I did it once a few years after high school. At the time I had no previous relationship experience with a woman. Never had any girlfriends, dates, and only sex with escorts. Plus she initiated contact with me first, told me she liked me, asked me out, and initiated sex with me (something attractive women don't do, at least not with me). In other words she made it "easy" for me to be with her (which would've been awesome if she was attractive and we had chemistry). I didn't have to take any "risks" like I normally would. That on top of the fact that because of my disappointing lack of experience at the time, I just wanted the experience of having a girlfriend and being with a woman. So that's why I did it.

But it was a huge mistake. She was ugly and a psychopath. We only got along for the first 2 days. And we only had sex a few times. After that we argued almost all the time. She was combative, judgmental, yelled at me, liked to play games, and was passive aggressive. She flirted with another guy and had a friend that talked about me behind my back. She was ugly on the inside and outside.

After 2 weeks I cut her off completely, but for some reason it took me about a month to "get over it". Hitting the arcade daily after work helped a lot too. But unfortunately I still saw her now and then because we worked together. It's unfortunate the only relationship I had was a shitty one.

 

[MAIO]

If u can't imagine having sex with them ever, it might be better not to even do this. Since at some point they will want to, and you would have to be really high or drunk to deal lol! Just thought I would share. I do understand if u yourself are very objectively unattractive to the opposite sex, than it may just be best to accept that u might be too old, or too something that is a turn off to a majority of the opposite sex in the attractiveness level u desire. It goes both ways. I just thought I sometimes find it surprising that many older people still expect to find love. I'm not saying it's impossible, but people are fooling themselves if they think that u can easily find a partner after like a certain age including myself lol! It's difficult because you lose your attractiveness, and it's tougher to not only lower your standards but also because that attraction in youth is what initially draws people together which then used to keep people together because they aged together but fell in love while they were still attractive.

In love feeling will make you attracted to people you normally would not be attracted to.

 

[Karl]

No, because I dont relate to the attractions either.

 

[okyeah]

I'm a man so this is typical, but I liked this woman for her personality. However, when we tried to have sex I could not maintain attraction to her solely due to her body. I had to break it off because I couldn't tell her bluntly what was wrong.

 

[tommyhalpinkelly]

I'm a man so this is typical, but I liked this woman for her personality. However, when we tried to have sex I could not maintain attraction to her solely due to her body. I had to break it off because I couldn't tell her bluntly what was wrong.

What was the issue?

 

[okyeah]

What was the issue?

She had weight problems in the past and she tried to fix it by starving herself and not exercising. It didn't work well - she had a belly and yet everything else was flat.

 

[Midnight]

No experience with that whatsoever. Never had the chance to either. But i even if i did i don't think i could ... People that have serious weight issue's or lack extremely in the looks department i couldn't see myself with. I see myself as not that atrocious looking and i'm not overweight at all but it must be worse than i think because yeah if you only had luck once in 30 years then something must be off.

I'm shallow i guess but who cares ... I don't give a fuck about it anymore. Because no one else ever did. I couldn't care less about having a relationship anymore.