Help Anorexia

[Higurashi415]

(Trigger warnings: eating disorders, cutting, drugs, blood)


Hello.

I have not been very active lately, and when I have I've mostly posted positive stuff, because I thought my life was mostly going well. I got some new opportunities, so I'm feeling mostly lucky. However I went to an appointment with my psychiatrist about 3 days ago and I've been diagnosed with anorexia and it's been really rough. I closed myself in the hospital bathroom and did two lines of cocaine. I began crying hysterically, I had a razor blade in my bag (I brought it originally to cut the coke with it) and I cut myself with it. Just a tiny cut, I'm not a big cutter anyway, can't even cut properly. I continued to do lines, not sure why, until my nose bled.

Now you may wonder, how the fuck did you not know beforehand? Well, the short answer is... I don't know, I'm wondering the same. Denial maybe?I've always had a complicated relationship with food to say the least, I find it disgusting most of the time and I hate my body, not weight specifically, but weight is the only thing I can really control. I can't do anything to be taller, my testosterone levels don't allow me to build muscle but they're not so low that I qualify for TRT, the list goes on.
I think anorexia can manifest in slightly different ways depending on gender, so this might also be why it took me so long to notice and nobody has ever said that word to me before.

My BMI has always been around 17, so weirdly enough for an anorexic I had never worried about my weight the same way most do, I think. Between 2024 and 2026 I seriously lifted weights and tried to manage eating and my BMI skyrocketed to a whopping 23, at that point I began having delusion about it. I thought the weight I gained was actually fat, not muscle, and gradually stopped eating and training as a consequence. Now my BMI is 16, I'm not even sure I want to gain weight anymore, I don't think I do. (115lb/52kg right now)

If you're anorexic too, when did you find out about it? Does it ever get better? Do you want it to get better?
(Also if you're down to talk about it please send me a message, I'd love to talk to you)

 

[BillyBob]

It is only in the past few years that they have started to diagnose males with eating disorders.
I think it took them until my BMI was 15 to say lol.
For muscle gain yeah it will be hard to put any on as your body will break it down faster then it can build up.

I have anorexia nervosa and it honestly sucks. It starts to take over your life and ruins anything if it gets out of hand.
Life sucks, I spend 24/7 thinking of when I will finally pass away from this disorder. Don't eat in front of people and I have to walk so far each day in my mind that I have little free time at all.

Really feel for you and what you are going through.
Just please try not to let it get too bad as it is a short road down but can take along time to recover mostly from it.

 

[Higurashi415]

It is only in the past few years that they have started to diagnose males with eating disorders.
I think it took them until my BMI was 15 to say lol.
For muscle gain yeah it will be hard to put any on as your body will break it down faster then it can build up.

I have anorexia nervosa and it honestly sucks. It starts to take over your life and ruins anything if it gets out of hand.
Life sucks, I spend 24/7 thinking of when I will finally pass away from this disorder. Don't eat in front of people and I have to walk so far each day in my mind that I have little free time at all.

Really feel for you and what you are going through.
Just please try not to let it get too bad as it is a short road down but can take along time to recover mostly from it.

(Very annoying indeed, reminds me of autism in female patients almost, doctors have always known about it but for a variety of reasons it's always been misdiagnosed and not acknowledged in general. Luckily (haha...) having a low BMI enough makes it undeniable.)

Thanks for the reply man. I'm not sure I want to get better right now, but I'll keep it in mind. I only eat in my room or outside in secluded areas. I'm sorry you're struggling too, you seem like a good person)))

 

[thelostautistic]

Hey. I don't really like to chat in DMs but I wanted to put this here. I was diagnosed with Anorexia in 2022 but had signs of an eating disorder from 2017 I think? I've been in recovery for 4 years now and it does get better. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I still really struggle with that relentless voice but recovery is worth it.

I don't wanna be that annoying person but I would be very careful about commenting numbers. It can be triggering for others with eating disorders