Anger towards parents

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I can't bring myself to ctb because of the responsability i feel towards my parents to preserve them and i can't convince them that it is the best thing for me, that is really what i want and it is in my interest. No matter how much i try. Because of that i developped anger towards them, i feel obliged to experience torture on a daily basis because of them and their need to keep me alive.
I spend every second of my life telling myself that if i'm doing absolutely everythings that i do, it is for them, not for me. It turns me into a demon full of rage and i become agressive ( not physicaly) towards them. This situation is fucking dread.

 

[struggles_inc]

Could it be that you want to ctb because of them? Some parents are extremely pushy with the idea that kids must and will take care of them.

Btw I love your profile pic, Junji Ito is one of my favs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I feel a great deal of resentment too. It's a difficult feeling to cope with- I agree because I do actually love my Dad very much and by and large, he did his best and loves me very much. My Mum died when I was 3, so that's a kind of confused feeling too. She so wanted children- so, I'm glad she got her wish. Not sure it was worth it for just 3 years. Worse though- she died of cancer and delayed having chemo because she was pregnant with me. My Dad assures me this wasn't the case but I guess a part of me still wonders if she would have survived if she'd aborted me and got the treatment. So- I guess that's a form of survivor guilt mixed in with anger at the lame doctor who misdiagnosed her to begin with mixed with rage at God- if there even is one mixed with just a feeling of what a waste my life was really. I agree though, it's a mess of feelings.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Could it be that you want to ctb because of them? Some parents are extremely pushy with the idea that kids must and will take care of them.

Btw I love your profile pic, Junji Ito is one of my favs.

Not because of them, they are caring and lovely and i know they are not particulary expecting me to take care of them when they reach their old age. they just want to see me happy ( wich seem impossible to me ) and knowing me alive.
Nice that you like junji ito too! By the way do you have recommandations of similar works? Even if it is not in the horror sphere, just sensei manga that you enjoyed as well.

Yes, I feel a great deal of resentment too. It's a difficult feeling to cope with- I agree because I do actually love my Dad very much and by and large, he did his best and loves me very much. My Mum died when I was 3, so that's a kind of confused feeling too. She so wanted children- so, I'm glad she got her wish. Not sure it was worth it for just 3 years. Worse though- she died of cancer and delayed having chemo because she was pregnant with me. My Dad assures me this wasn't the case but I guess a part of me still wonders if she would have survived if she'd aborted me and got the treatment. So- I guess that's a form of survivor guilt mixed in with anger at the lame doctor who misdiagnosed her to begin with mixed with rage at God- if there even is one mixed with just a feeling of what a waste my life was really. I agree though, it's a mess of feelings.

That's bad to hear, i can only compassionate.
Even if it doesn't fix anything i'm glad that you at least manage to do a living with a creative job ( as i read it in others posts).

 

[struggles_inc]

Not because of them, they are caring and lovely and i know they are not particulary expecting me to take care of them when they reach their old age. they just want to see me happy ( wich seem impossible to me ) and knowing me alive.
Nice that you like junji ito too! By the way do you have recommandations of similar works? Even if it is not in the horror sphere, just sensei manga that you enjoyed as well.

Would you like to talk about your ctb reasons? I'll be happy to listen to you.

I recommend PTSD Radio manga. I actually own a manga website (unfortunately yet only in Russian) so I can recommend some cool manga for you!

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Would you like to talk about your ctb reasons? I'll be happy to listen to you.

I recommend PTSD Radio manga. I actually own a manga website (unfortunately yet only in Russian) so I can recommend some cool manga for you!

I will check it out, yes i can dm you that!