woofwag
Bad dog
- Sep 17, 2025
- 364
Three is my lucky number for a variety of reason I won't name cuz a lot of them are personal. But in about a month, I'll be 23. And it will also be the third time I've ever had a three in my age... how strange it is to think that the last time my lucky number was in my age was when I was 13. A miserable adolescent. And now, a miserable adult. I want to enjoy it, but my birthday has always been a massive trigger for me for some reason. I hurt myself every time. Last year I didn't celebrate it at all. I told no one it was happening. It made me feel a bit better, but also very sad. Idk how I'll celebrate it this year, if at all, but I want to at least try this time. For the novelty of it.
The sad thing is that I'll most likely be killing myself when I'm 23. Maybe that's a good thing. To keep it at an age that has always been lucky to me. But fucking shit how I don't want to at all. I hate being 22 as it is. It feels like a shittier 19. Something in-between becoming an adult and being able to drink. There's no accomplishment that comes with being 22. And 23 is only significant to me. But I'm such an insignificant thing myself. Useless, lazy, traumatized, hardly lucky at all.
What's left for me now? Not much. And not a whole lot to guarantee that 23 will be good. In fact it'll probably be pretty shit and not long for me. This age was supposed to be good. I thought I would have accomplished something by now. Graduated, wrote a book or something. That was always my dream, to write a book. And now, and now, and now... the only writing I'll finish will be my suicide notes. How horrible to upset the poor kid who used to go up to strangers and brag about three being their lucky number. I've betrayed them, and for that, I really should make sure that 23 is the last age I get to. Maybe that does make it lucky in a way? It's the age I'll finally feel peace forever. And yet I still don't want to be 23 :( I hate aging
The sad thing is that I'll most likely be killing myself when I'm 23. Maybe that's a good thing. To keep it at an age that has always been lucky to me. But fucking shit how I don't want to at all. I hate being 22 as it is. It feels like a shittier 19. Something in-between becoming an adult and being able to drink. There's no accomplishment that comes with being 22. And 23 is only significant to me. But I'm such an insignificant thing myself. Useless, lazy, traumatized, hardly lucky at all.
What's left for me now? Not much. And not a whole lot to guarantee that 23 will be good. In fact it'll probably be pretty shit and not long for me. This age was supposed to be good. I thought I would have accomplished something by now. Graduated, wrote a book or something. That was always my dream, to write a book. And now, and now, and now... the only writing I'll finish will be my suicide notes. How horrible to upset the poor kid who used to go up to strangers and brag about three being their lucky number. I've betrayed them, and for that, I really should make sure that 23 is the last age I get to. Maybe that does make it lucky in a way? It's the age I'll finally feel peace forever. And yet I still don't want to be 23 :( I hate aging
