Venting accepting that I very likely can't be with the person I love.

[alwayspissedoff]

so... I recently met a person, because we had in common that we liked coding, specifically.
we became really good friends shortly after, and it wasn't that long until we realized we both liked each other in a romantic way.
for me, as a person who very rarely likes people at all, and even more rarely gets liked by people, this meant the world to me. it didn't even matter to me that we lived on completely different countries and were far from each other, which meant it would take away a long time to even meet. I was willing to take all of that to be with them.

however, that person has gone through a lot of trauma throughout their live, and as a result very likely has DID. they still don't have a diagnosis but have many of the symptoms.
this means they can have different alters that don't like me, which is the case.

I am, for worse in this case, a very clingy person. and as a result, I develop emotional dependency really easily, which is what happened here as well.
so, all of this together, makes me realize it is more likely than not that things won't work out in the end.
I will always support them as a friend, because they are an amazing friend, but as a partner... I find it so incredibly difficult. it legit can and does ruin my day when I want to tell them how much I love them, but can't because right now they're not even the alt that loves me as well.
I hate myself. I hate myself for not feeling like I'm able to overcome this to be with them. I have been so suicidal the last couple of days, which is funny because when I met them and found out we had feelings for each other, I thought the complete opposite, that perhaps there is a reason to live. enough to say now I don't feel that way anymore, and I fear they feel this way too, since they have already attempted once.

I feel like a weak or even bad person for this. I hate myself.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia, and I'm probably much older than you. But even for me, to not be able to be with the person I love (or like) is one of the main reasons why I'm depressed & suicidal. Especially when I compare with some of my friends who are just so very lucky to be able to be in a happy relationship with their dream girls, as a happy couples.

Life is not fair, & life is not equal.
Comparison is the thief of joy, but it's easier said than done, in reality.

I hate this life.

 

[here_for_now]

I understand how you feel, everytime i put myself out there i always regret it because everything will sometimes go well, then i get ghosted, or the vibe will change into their true intentions which is usually bad. I accepted the fact that i will die alone without ever experiencing what its like to fall in love.

I just want to remind you that your not weak or a bad person, your a beautiful soul who deserves to have a fruitful life, and your enough just the way you are. If you need to chat with someone who gets it, im here, but either way i wish you find what your looking for.

 

[Front Back]

I'm from Indonesia

Don't go near bridges.

I am, for worse in this case, a very clingy person. and as a result, I develop emotional dependency really easily, which is what happened here as well.

It such a pain being a clingy suicidal person and I've almost certainly gave up on even thinking I'll get a partner, kinda afraid I'll threaten them by suicide if they don't contact me for 8 hours.

 

[iwantpeace01]

At least I know that I am not the only one living this torture. Why can we have a normal life?