A Life of Betrayal, Abuse, and Survival

[Lilit]

I have been abused and belittled my entire life. I have always been a target of bullying and mistreatment. I grew up with a narcissistic father and a mother who redirects her anger and abuse toward me. My siblings are not supportive either. I was born in a homophobic and religious society where you have to hide your identity just to survive.
I used to think that having an unsupportive family and society was the worst thing that could happen. But something far worse came later. I became a target of harassment, sexual exploitation, emotional abuse, and trafficking online. My emotions and boundaries are constantly ignored. I am told daily that I am ugly, stupid, and worthless, and they take pleasure in my suffering. They enjoy violating me and seeing the pain they cause.
I thought I had finally found a community online because people seemed kind at first. But later, they turned on me and unleashed abuse far worse than anything I had experienced before.
I have often wished for my life to end quickly and painlessly, but life does not grant me that escape. I harm my own health in hopes that something will happen, but even that doesn't work. I hate life for creating me into a world like this, and everything I've been forced to endure makes me believe that life itself functions through cruelty.
What hurts even more is that many of my abusers present themselves as human rights activists. They preach that bullying, racism, and prejudice are wrong, yet they openly tell me they despise me and my people. Their hypocrisy is devastating.

 

[thefarter]

i love you

 

[hell toupee]

I have been abused and belittled my entire life. I have always been a target of bullying and mistreatment. I grew up with a narcissistic father and a mother who redirects her anger and abuse toward me. My siblings are not supportive either. I was born in a homophobic and religious society where you have to hide your identity just to survive.
I used to think that having an unsupportive family and society was the worst thing that could happen. But something far worse came later. I became a target of harassment, sexual exploitation, emotional abuse, and trafficking online. My emotions and boundaries are constantly ignored. I am told daily that I am ugly, stupid, and worthless, and they take pleasure in my suffering. They enjoy violating me and seeing the pain they cause.
I thought I had finally found a community online because people seemed kind at first. But later, they turned on me and unleashed abuse far worse than anything I had experienced before.
I have often wished for my life to end quickly and painlessly, but life does not grant me that escape. I harm my own health in hopes that something will happen, but even that doesn't work. I hate life for creating me into a world like this, and everything I've been forced to endure makes me believe that life itself functions through cruelty.
What hurts even more is that many of my abusers present themselves as human rights activists. They preach that bullying, racism, and prejudice are wrong, yet they openly tell me they despise me and my people. Their hypocrisy is devastating.

I'm saddened to read your story, however, after reading it, I got the exact opposite impression than how you feel about yourself.

You've obviously been through some horrendous experiences, and I look at that as someone who is incredibly strong for having survived all of that. People who are rich, successful, good looking, or are well put together chose the easy road in life. You see, I am of the firm belief that physical life is a play we are putting on, and for the most part those people have deliberately created a life that was easy. More advanced souls typically choose lives that are incredibly difficult because intensity promotes the values you wish to extract from such a life.

Think of yourself as a kind of extreme athlete, with challenges intricately planned before you decided to incarnate. You still have the free will to approach these obstacles in any way you wish, but the lessons behind them are why they are there.

College is an ample analogy. We plan out our semester beforehand, choosing the classes and subjects. You have the free will to do whatever you want within this context. Some people choose incredibly easy classes, others choose difficult ones.

You are a hero, not a failure. And when you pass through that doorway we call death, there will be nothing but admiration and respect for the difficult road you chose to navigate. indeed, many souls do not even attempt to tether their consciousness to a physical body - it is seen as extremely limited and animating such is a difficult thing to do. For that reason, birth is much more of a traumatic event than death.

The key to feeling better is to use your instinct and your imagination to try and come up with all of the things that these terrible experiences might teach someone. For example, my wife took her own life a little over a year ago. I had just been put in to a wheelchair and lost most of the use of my hands. I had been relying on her to drive me to my office, help me down the steps, to the shower, toilet, etc. I can't even open a water bottle or tie my own shoes my hands are so bad. I had not a single person in the world to call for help. The only thought that brought me any peace was joining her. It was, without question, the lowest point of my life. My home, my business, my best friend (wife), my income - all of it disappeared within the course of just a few months. I had no hopes, no prospects, no money, and nowhere to go.

I am absolutely not religious. I'm not even spiritual - never had an interest. But something happened to me shortly after she died. Something my conscious and somewhat rational mind would not accept for many months afterwards. What I just explained to you, is what was imparted to me. It completely changed my perspective on everything. And there is no way possible that this experience happened, if it were not plausible.

Not saying it's easy. Not even saying you have to agree with my lunatic ideas. But if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.