Story 8 months left

[thealteredmind]

previous months
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/9-months-left-intro.158676/

shit… time keeps going. things are not improving. every month is just more clear how this will end…

I still keep like a very small hope or desire that I will end up feeling better… but I don't see that happening.

let's see…

I tried repeating the event of last month… but I couldn't. it was an anomaly. goddamnit. what the hell could cause something like that? fuck.

one of my pssd symptoms improved drastically. but the other (spirit) hasn't moved.
benzo symptoms haven't improved… not even a single bit. it's been several months without improvement. I'm tired of the benzo symptoms.

my insomnia this month… has been… pretty quiet. I have like 2hs of insomnia, one when I go to bed, another in the middle of the night. I end up sleeping enough most nights.

but anytime this could get fucking worse.

I continue meditating, but any improvement that I have seen last month (just 1% better) has disappared. why? who the fuck knows… that's basically my life. I do things… they maybe work for a couple days… then they stop working.

the other meditation technique… is going good. I'm making improvements. it is one of those things were… there's a big build up… and then BOOM. that's where benefits (or nothing) appears.

I started working on a new musical album, because I'm super bored and I cannot find interest in anything.

and that's basically it.

I'm basically in a void. I'm not suffering a lot right now… but it's like… there's nothing left to do here.

see you next month

 

[Dark Window]

Are you feeling any better buddy?

 

[thealteredmind]

Are you feeling any better buddy?

hey... I will create a new thread in a few days... I can mention you if you want.

I can't respond if I'm feeling better or not because the truth is... I don't know. I tend to measure this once per month because that's a good amount of time to get a reliable number. sometimes it seems that a symptom improves but later I find out that it doesn't... so that's why I evaluate this only once per month.