Utter_emptiness
I hate myself
- Dec 22, 2022
- 29
The emptiness is taking over my life and I wish I could gather just the right amount of courage to ctb. My future is unclear, my present is empty and boring and my past is painful. Being a human is so hard and complicated, I wish we were given a choice to terminate our own existence right before it even starts when you're in your mother's womb. I'm planning to kms on the 26th of july but it's just one of the numerous lies I tell myself over and over again, and I will just deplay it and I don't think I will ever be able to do something like that. and what the fuck is my obsession with meaningful suicide dates (it always has to have some link to my birthday). I hate how silly and delusional I am. I hate how my maladaptive daydreaming sessions are the only thing that's keeping me slightly happy and entertained in my life. I hate how I settle for the people that treat me like shit just to avoid being lonely. I hate how I was brought into this world without my consent and now I have to heal my past traumas which i can't even pinpoint as i'm only observing their after effects, and I have to manage my future by studying and working hard for a minimum wage job while also making sure i'm happy and content in the present. What about the fucking medieval ideology that continues to ruin my life even after i'm no longer a part of it. Seriously, fuck islam, I fucking hate it. Muslims are so annoying and nosy. Muslim men are misogynistic and creepy af. I hate everything. I wish I had a gun so I can blow my brain out. I wish I lived close to a cliff I can jump from. I am so mentally drained and tired. I deserve my peace, I never asked for any of this.
