16 weeks until my son's last gcse exam.
I am sad. I keep looking at my children - my daughter is only 9 - and thinking about someone telling her mommy is never coming back. I can't do it on a school day because she'll be waiting for someone to pick her up. My thinking is to say I'm going out for the evening and then I won't go back. I have found a place to die. I have vodka, sleeping tablets and insulin. I know insulin can be hit and miss but if I am not found for several hours and I've had enough of it plus the alcohol I'm fairly sure it'll kill me.
16 weeks. I just have to pretend to be normal for 16 weeks. I wish this wasn't going to impact my children so much and what I'm going to do is horribly selfish but it's all so awful that I just need it to stop.
They will be ok, right? I've made a list of good counselling services, I work in mental health so I have some good recommendations. I'm going to leave my list with my letters. I want to mitigate as much as I can. I know it'll be hard for them both - although my son is 15 so he might cope better. I don't want to do another 16 hours let alone another 16 weeks. I just want to die.
For a long time there was some sort of tiny bit of hope which held me here, but it's gone. I need this to stop and I need it to stop soon.
I am sad. I keep looking at my children - my daughter is only 9 - and thinking about someone telling her mommy is never coming back. I can't do it on a school day because she'll be waiting for someone to pick her up. My thinking is to say I'm going out for the evening and then I won't go back. I have found a place to die. I have vodka, sleeping tablets and insulin. I know insulin can be hit and miss but if I am not found for several hours and I've had enough of it plus the alcohol I'm fairly sure it'll kill me.
16 weeks. I just have to pretend to be normal for 16 weeks. I wish this wasn't going to impact my children so much and what I'm going to do is horribly selfish but it's all so awful that I just need it to stop.
They will be ok, right? I've made a list of good counselling services, I work in mental health so I have some good recommendations. I'm going to leave my list with my letters. I want to mitigate as much as I can. I know it'll be hard for them both - although my son is 15 so he might cope better. I don't want to do another 16 hours let alone another 16 weeks. I just want to die.
For a long time there was some sort of tiny bit of hope which held me here, but it's gone. I need this to stop and I need it to stop soon.
