You can’t love someone who is a mess (tw suicide)

[Water-Lily]

TW: Suicide

You can't love someone who is unstable

You just….can't

No matter how people might want to convince you otherwise

It's just true

I was abused growing up. Horribly

My brain is trauma hard wired. Therapy, medication, all that nonsense can only do but so much you know?

Everyone talks about re wiring but…well, trauma is irreversible

Anyways, imagine being friends with someone who is unpredictable

They nod and act fine when you tell them things work good intent. When attempt to her close to them, or who knows

And then they blow up at you, block you, and take it out on you verbally. They'll gossip to other people about how terrible yuu are in an attempt to make themselves feel better

That's me. That's always been me

Doesn't matter if it's because of my trauma or mental health issues. I claim to want to "take responsibility" but do I change? Not really

I might seem to be changing but I always fall back on those good ol' abusive behaviors

Can't be helped

Anyways, I can tell it's exhausting for people to deal wirh

They're left confused and hurt. And even when they do forgive me, I know they won't forget

If I mess up and be abusive another time, well, I lost my chances

So, if I am always going to make these abusive mistakes, why the hell am i alive?

I'm selfish, that's it

I want people to love me

I want to feel good

And even when I'm an asshole I still crave it

This is a feeling I am going to have time and time again, and it's so painful for me

If I don't die, I'll be forced to have to face this repeatedly in some process of "healing"

But maybe the most "healing" thing I can do is end this misery

And before anyone gets "worried" this isn't a goodbye post

Because impulsive suicide will lead to me surviving in a hospital

And I really really don't want that

So, I'll figure it out

You'll see. I won't be suffering anymore

I won't be hurting anyone anymore

Everything will be fine

 

[abdelrahman]

TW: Suicide

I mean.. duuuh :p

 

[Water-Lily]

I mean.. duuuh :p

yeah. I know it was pretty dumb to write in the suicide section of all places

 

[MrDarkness]

I've been kicked out of so many friend groups due to my actions, I deserved the pain of abandonment. I can't feel love if cut that part out of me, literally. I hope your able to find peace either within life or death, I hope your able to find love and people that support you