Venting Yet another day.

[grosz]

I once againn postponed my suicide, that makes me ilk of angry, because I know that it is futile and I will suffer anyway and nothing will change anyway.
My sn is ready and I am ready and I do not fear death anymore, I just still have the hope it needs to stick to this life for few more days, I know nothing will change anyhow. Yet I am still here and try to hope that something will improve on its own.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you have the option of the method right there for when the time is right for you to leave, but I do understand why you would be so frustrated at postponing your plans. There certainly does seem to be no real relief from suffering in this life and I do believe that as time goes on this life just continues to get worse, existing really is so dreadful and tiring. But it must be a relief having your method ready and not fearing death. At least I would be relieved if I had the SN ready. In my case I've never feared death, I find the thought of being dead to be such a relief as to die literally solves all problems and is freedom from this burden that is existence. But I wish you the best.