NSFW Yet Another Bad Thing Has Happened [TW: Graphic SA]

[CuerpoMuerto]

I was raped again this week. I did the whole kit thing alone. I told one person. I am going to the police station alone today or tomorrow. He was a great friend of mine, I don't have many people, and I trusted him. I can't believe this happened again.

I have gone through so much in my short life. Even outside childhood trauma, these past two years have been horrific. I was stalked and sexually assaulted by a supposed friend, My bf of four years and I broke up, he ended up married to the girl I was told to not worry about, I was kicked out of honors and engineering, I relapsed into a couple substances I struggled with, then I was raped and abused, then my best friend died...

It just all keeps getting worse.

I am considering partial suspension hanging over more comfortable methods, as my more comfortable methods are harder to obtain. I was trying to not CTB until I was 25, partially to give me the time to find them and to allow my brain to finish development. I am turning 21 in December. I don't see the point in holding on any longer, I was wrong in that it would be worth living longer. I have huge fomo, I was holding on to try checking off bucket list items.

It just sucks, I can't wait until I can CTB and finally feel peace. I haven't felt actual peace in years.

 

[bridgegirl]

That's a terrible betrayal. Sounds like you've been through a lot - I'm so sorry. You don't deserve bad things.

 

[Enlighten]

That is terrible beyond comprehension. Trusting people and having that trust trampled on is disgusting. I hope you can find some light, but won't blame you if you can't.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd be looking forward to being free from all the suffering existing brings, it's hellish how humans create so much harm, existence really is too cruel.

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

I understand why you'd be looking forward to being free from all the suffering existing brings, it's hellish how humans create so much harm, existence really is too cruel.

I am so conflicted about how much harm humans create. We hate, hurt, and betray, yet, we also love, heal, and forgive. I used to find humanity so beautiful, the way we weave words and ascribe meaning to the meaningless is genuinely so beautiful. It's why I am a linguistics major. I am in love with humanity, but it seems to be a toxic relationship. I put so much love out into the world, and people take advantage of it. I don't know why. It makes no sense to me.

I wish people loved as freely as I try to, maybe then we wouldn't be here. I don't know.