Discussion "Work on your personality"

[BornToFail]

Is this supposed to give people hope? I think having a bad personality is actually more blackpilling than being ugly. I've seen ugly people in relationships all the time, now being handsome/pretty obvs makes it way easier to get into one and gain a partner that matches your looks. But have you seen someone with a bad personality in a long lasting relationship? One that leads to a marriage until they die? I haven't. I've had relationships but they are super short, and the women I attract are bad people. I just give off bad vibes, I can't change it and it certainly doesn't help that I have autism.

 

[Rocinante]

I agree with you

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Is this supposed to give people hope? I think having a bad personality is actually more blackpilling than being ugly. I've seen ugly people in relationships all the time, now being handsome/pretty obvs makes it way easier to get into one and gain a partner that matches your looks. But have you seen someone with a bad personality in a long lasting relationship? One that leads to a marriage until they die? I haven't. I've had relationships but they are super short, and the women I attract are bad people. I just give off bad vibes, I can't change it and it certainly doesn't help that I have autism.

I'm on the spectrum too and I'm an above average looking guy. It's infinitely worse to lack social skills. I can't just "work on my personality".

I struggle to relate to people in general and obviously that's exacerbated when trying to date. All my relationships were very brief and now I don't even try to date. It's a lost cause.

 

[BornToFail]

I'm on the spectrum too and I'm an above average looking guy. It's infinitely worse to lack social skills. I can't just "work on my personality".

I struggle to relate to people in general and obviously that's exacerbated when trying to date. All my relationships were very brief and now I don't even try to date. It's a lost cause.

Exactly. The worse is when you attract bad people. Being alone is better at this point, lol.

 

[jodes2]

Yeah it sucks. But at least it's more fixable than being ugly. Thinking before saying things is important. You can change yourself. And you can learn to select good people. Don't let bad people into your life. It's possible to change. Absolutely. I've been changing over the 10 years I've been in this relationship. My gf keeps giving me chances to change, and I do my best. It seems to be working. I encourage her to change for the better too. What matters is that you can recognise what needs to change. We both have autism, and change is hard for anyone but autism especially so. But it's doable. People who don't want to change are those with NPD or APD. They don't see any reason why they should change, and they're the ones locked into toxic relationships, or unable to ever form long relationships. There's definitely hope for us

 

[haiku]

If I had to choose between being extremely beautiful or have the most amazing personality … I'd probably pick the former.

If I had to choose between being physically painful to look at vs having the shittiest personality … I'd probably pick the latter.

I think there's a point where looks matter more. Many outwardly beautiful people get away with being shitty and many beautiful souls get beaten down because society struggles to overlook the outside.

This isn't to downplay the struggles of what it's like to be neuro-divergent but it's also good to remember the positives if you're conventionally attractive

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's an interesting idea. Do you suppose the gender has anything to do with it? I think this could very well be my own jealous biase but I've seen plenty of (I would say) unpleasant women in terms of personality and various hangups in reationships because I would say- their looks seems to make up for it. Not sure if the same allowance is made for men. I sort of wonder if it's more wealth with men- I know a few rich and not terribly attractive arseholes in relationships. Maybe that's just me being sexist though.

It's a difficult one really. Ideally- I'm not so sure we can or should be trying to change our personalities to fit someone else. I wonder how achievable that really is. Still- I suppose it just depends on how 'abnoxious' our personalities are. If it's anger or agression- that likely does need to be worked on.

I suppose it comes down to effort at the end of the day though. I have MASSIVE social anxiety. I expect I could improve that but I don't want to put in the effort and discomfort. I'm happier being alone. I also don't want to put in the effort on myself physically and mentally to attract a partner- so, I'm resigned to being single. It just depends on whether you think it's worth it I think.

Most things in life take effort. It's unfair certainly that some people seem to have to put in SO much more effort than others but sadly, we're stuck with what we've got. The worst of it of course is that sometimes we put in the effort and STILL fail. Life just sucks I'm afraid.