Will you die by suicide? Yes, no or don't know?

[dulldark]

100%. I'll be booking a hotel room so I'm not found and resuscitated again. Time deteriorates everything; the longer I wait, the worse I'll feel.

 

[northevelyn]

I'm wanting to leave but can't get supplies due to living with others

Yeah - that I relate as well

I have an approach that I take two steps forward and then one step back. Eventually, two steps forward will mean I step off the stool, and there is no step back possible

I am at the stage where I have booked a

 

[MathConspiracy]

I wish you peace and success in your plans for the future.

I am not long away from following your footsteps. It's encouraging to see others go ahead of me.

Thank you my friend. I hope you find the peace you're looking for as well. CTB or recovery, keep us posted, yeah?

 

[Jade10666]

100%. I'll be booking a hotel room so I'm not found and resuscitated again. Time deteriorates everything; the longer I wait, the worse I'll feel.

I am with you - I have just booked my hotel room - now only if I can figure a way to stream it

 

[getoutgirl]

how well planned are you?

Oh by that I meant plans for the future. Didn't word it propperly. As in a part of me knows I'm going to cbt inevitably, and yet I'm also planning for a next year's trip. Living in that mind's frontier and it's not great.
I do have plans for cbt just very looney tuneys ones. One involves flippers, a life jacket, SN, chains and a needle. The one thing keeping me from that one is accesibility to SN and a bit of leftover hopes and dreams.

 

[Jade10666]

yes

I would say probably but not yet if I was faced with a nursing home I would rather ctb

same here - never a nursing home

 

[steveholt]

I am terminal with my liver issues... and my advandce dicision notice paper works prevents a transplant cos i know ill just abuse it ..so its not fair for me to recieve a transplant.. so i know my time is short at the moment i have a an increase in my ascites and my H.E is getting worse which is manageable.. but with the 2 degenerative bones illnesses i have.. i will go one way or the other and my partner is aware of my intentions and understands that is my life my choice ... when its my time its my time id will go on my terms not some ilness that puts me in chair for life.. i already need help washing and cleaning my self i need help putting clothes on and im almost at that point ..so yeah either illness gets me or i beat the illness to it first ..

 

[Jade10666]

Oh by that I meant plans for the future. Didn't word it propperly. As in a part of me knows I'm going to cbt inevitably, and yet I'm also planning for a next year's trip. Living in that mind's frontier and it's not great.
I do have plans for cbt just very looney tuneys ones. One involves flippers, a life jacket, SN, chains and a needle. The one thing keeping me from that one is accesibility to SN and a bit of leftover hopes and dreams.

wish you luck and things become clearer - and enjoy your trip - I had things in my bucket list before I CTB'd

Oh by that I meant plans for the future. Didn't word it propperly. As in a part of me knows I'm going to cbt inevitably, and yet I'm also planning for a next year's trip. Living in that mind's frontier and it's not great.
I do have plans for cbt just very looney tuneys ones. One involves flippers, a life jacket, SN, chains and a needle. The one thing keeping me from that one is accesibility to SN and a bit of leftover hopes and dreams.

wish you luck and things become clearer - and enjoy your trip - I had things in my bucket list before I CTB'd

I am terminal with my liver issues... and my advandce dicision notice paper works prevents a transplant cos i know ill just abuse it ..so its not fair for me to recieve a transplant.. so i know my time is short at the moment i have a an increase in my ascites and my H.E is getting worse which is manageable.. but with the 2 degenerative bones illnesses i have.. i will go one way or the other and my partner is aware of my intentions and understands that is my life my choice ... when its my time its my time id will go on my terms not some ilness that puts me in chair for life.. i already need help washing and cleaning my self i need help putting clothes on and im almost at that point ..so yeah either illness gets me or i beat the illness to it first ..

I wish you find peace and simplicity in your choices ahead

Oh by that I meant plans for the future. Didn't word it propperly. As in a part of me knows I'm going to cbt inevitably, and yet I'm also planning for a next year's trip. Living in that mind's frontier and it's not great.
I do have plans for cbt just very looney tuneys ones. One involves flippers, a life jacket, SN, chains and a needle. The one thing keeping me from that one is accesibility to SN and a bit of leftover hopes and dreams.

wish you luck and things become clearer - and enjoy your trip - I had things in my bucket list before I CTB'd

I am terminal with my liver issues... and my advandce dicision notice paper works prevents a transplant cos i know ill just abuse it ..so its not fair for me to recieve a transplant.. so i know my time is short at the moment i have a an increase in my ascites and my H.E is getting worse which is manageable.. but with the 2 degenerative bones illnesses i have.. i will go one way or the other and my partner is aware of my intentions and understands that is my life my choice ... when its my time its my time id will go on my terms not some ilness that puts me in chair for life.. i already need help washing and cleaning my self i need help putting clothes on and im almost at that point ..so yeah either illness gets me or i beat the illness to it first ..

I wish you find peace and simplicity in your choices ahead

 

[Hollowman]

Yes but life's so unpredictable I could get in an accident and end up paralyzed from the neck down. Ending up in a care facility would be a nightmare.

 

[Jade10666]

Yes but life's so unpredictable I could get in an accident and end up paralyzed from the neck down. Ending up in a care facility would be a nightmare.

life is unpredictable - I'd hate to face that type of future

 

[seizmic_purple]

I want to and I must, and I feel it is inevitable. I don't accept what has happened to me, I don't want to suffer, and I don't want other people to suffer because of it. I don't think I will ever be willing to live and fight under such circumstances, and for what reason? I feel the meaninglessness of everything very deeply, constantly, and I am coming to terms with it slowly, but every day. Fear and lack of confidence about the attempt is holding me back, and I hope I will be able to gather and accurately evaluate all information I need to minimize chances of failing.

 

[steveholt]

I know its a bumpy road ahead for me...so why should i turn a bumpy road... into driving through i mine field surround by tanks and all sorts of unknown ways of me suffering.. just ao i can keep those around me happy... mkat family would rather keep people in a PVS just so they dont have to deal with loss and the pain... but happy to keep you on a ventilator in a coma for years ..

Id like to ask them who they think is suffering or pain them or me ..

 

[Jade10666]

I want to and I must, and I feel it is inevitable. I don't accept what has happened to me, I don't want to suffer, and I don't want other people to suffer because of it. I don't think I will ever be willing to live and fight under such circumstances, and for what reason? I feel the meaninglessness of everything very deeply, constantly, and I am coming to terms with it slowly, but every day. Fear and lack of confidence about the attempt is holding me back, and I hope I will be able to gather and accurately evaluate all information I need to minimize chances of failing.

I fear failing too - there is almost an embarrassment about it - or even humiliation that I can't do something as simple as end my own life.

 

[seizmic_purple]

I fear failing too - there is almost an embarrassment about it - or even humiliation that I can't do something as simple as end my own life.

Oh, but it is definitely not simple! The chances are against us in so many ways, starting from our own biology to institutional regulations around (potential) methods.

 

[Jade10666]

Oh, but it is definitely not simple! The chances are against us in so many ways, starting from our own biology to institutional regulations around (potential) methods.

It's probably the reason I am seriously considering full suspension - it appears to be lethal, and once you step off, generally you can't go back. I know this may sound weird, there will be an interum period between just stepping off and losing consciousness where I can Say " good for you - you just killed yourself. A form of lethal satisfaction

 

[seizmic_purple]

It's probably the reason I am seriously considering full suspension - it appears to be lethal, and once you step off, generally you can't go back. I know this may sound weird, there will be an interum period between just stepping off and losing consciousness where I can Say " good for you - you just killed yourself. A form of lethal satisfaction

I can relate, I think I can imagine something similar for myself. Like a final self-tap on the back, a genuine one. I was also considering full suspension, but I am afraid I won't tie it properly, or that it would snap or something, or that I would not be able to find a proper place. So I'm going back and forth and between methods, gathering information, and who knows, maybe I end up coming back to full suspension. I think you're right, it is definitely one of the more lethal ones.

 

[Jade10666]

I can relate, I think I can imagine something similar for myself. Like a final self-tap on the back, a genuine one. I was also considering full suspension, but I am afraid I won't tie it properly, or that it would snap or something, or that I would not be able to find a proper place. So I'm going back and forth and between methods, gathering information, and who knows, maybe I end up coming back to full suspension. I think you're right, it is definitely one of the more lethal ones.

I know it can be gross, but gore sites provide visual research on how successful it can be. Most are unconscious in a few seconds, 5-15 seconds. That was my opinion anyway

I also read some medical studies that looked at many video hangings - and they came to a similar conclusion. I read the report online here. The exception is when someone has used a blanket or cloth and they end up not cutting the arteries to the brain, but end up strangling themselves, which was horrible to watch

I am pretty convinced that hanging is the way to go - if you place the proper size rope in the right place.

 

[seizmic_purple]

I know it can be gross, but gore sites provide visual research on how successful it can be. Most are unconscious in a few seconds, 5-15 seconds. That was my opinion anyway

I also read some medical studies that looked at many video hangings - and they came to a similar conclusion. I read the report online here. The exception is when someone has used a blanket or cloth and they end up not cutting the arteries to the brain, but end up strangling themselves, which was horrible to watch

I am pretty convinced that hanging is the way to go - if you place the proper size rope in the right place.

I looked up some of the resources listed here before I joined, and I also read survivor experiences. I would be curious to read these medical studies, too, are they on the Resource Megathread? I think it's a fair conclusion that one needs to be certain about the setup in order to succeed quickly. I don't even think I would fear pain that much if I was completely confident I got it all right.

 

[Jade10666]

I looked up some of the resources listed here before I joined, and I also read survivor experiences. I would be curious to read these medical studies, too, are they on the Resource Megathread? I think it's a fair conclusion that one needs to be certain about the setup in order to succeed quickly. I don't even think I would fear pain that much if I was completely confident I got it all right.

I am pretty sure I did read it here - but when I was still lurking and not a member. Sorry I wish I would be more specific - but I will look up in journals and send you something if I find it

 

[byebyeblondie]

I honestly don't know anymore. Sometimes I want to be free of this life so badly and to think about ctb gives me a feeling of relief and feels incredibly rational. There are other times when the thought of leaving scares me and I feel sad and guilty for wanting to leave. Either way, I just want the feelings, thoughts and memories in my head to go away.

 

[Jade10666]

I honestly don't know anymore. Sometimes I want to be free of this life so badly and to think about ctb gives me a feeling of relief and feels incredibly rational. There are other times when the thought of leaving scares me and I feel sad and guilty for wanting to leave. Either way, I just want the feelings, thoughts and memories in my head to go away.

The thoughts are always in my head - louder some days than others - but even if the feelings are there, I have no reason to think I should CTB. Life is generally pretty good, so I am never sure why I desire to end it

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Yes

 

[opheliaoveragain]

yes — i've known for a long time that if the drugs didn't take me, it'd be by my own hand regardless.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

It's just a matter of when

incredibly relatable

 

[JesiBel]

(maybe) I'm still many years away from it happening "naturally"—unless I get sick or have an accident before then. So CTB is the only way out.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I wish I knew for sure. I want to say no, but I can't predict the future. Time will tell I suppose.

 

[drop]

The ticking clock counts my days of pain by seconds. Underappreciated. It really depends how the stars allign. If my emotion is much stronger than my body's will. SI is such a crazy thing. I want to, then I don't.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes . Non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss

As horrible as the worst pain imaginable is non-existence is that good because it's the opposite of that hell

Yes I will kill these monstrous cells they call a human body they imprisoned me in no matter what

 

[Apokryphiel]

I refuse to die any other way if possible. I'm not gonna be life's bitch any longer.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

most of the time I would say 51% chance yes, 49% chance I don't know, 0% no. eventually I'm done here, each year goes by faster and faster. It's late evening where I am right now, one less day left to suffer.