Hey again y'all.
Anyway I'm having a mental block thinking how much time recovery in general lasts and I'm afraid that I'll never really fully recover by the time I want to. I know it's a process and there's no guarantee's, I know there's no timeline or endpoint, I'm just lost on what to believe in anymore. I have been depressed and suicidal for well over half my life. I'm 27 years old and I can't fathom this taking years or hell over a decade and by then I'll be in my 40s and I feel like it's just going to be pointless. I don't know what I'm trying to convey but I'm wondering how am I going to keep with recovery especially if it lasts for years?
As long as you want to, I guess.
I am so sorry life is fucked up and struggling with depression and suicidal ideation has consumed you in a similar way that it has to me.
People push "recovery" but I don't think there is any "full recovery" from most of these things… people repeat cycles, people repeat behavior, people repeatedly harm people, making it more and more difficult to "bounce back" or "thrive."
We start to even harm ourselves. Others around us.
This is such a fucking stupid thing to struggle with when things could be so simple that it's not even funny!
The pointlessness. God this post just makes me think of my cycles of anxiety and episodes of PTSD.
(Pointless, pointless, this was so pointless, this is so POINTLESS.)
(God, why?)
(Resentment, resentment, and more resentment)
(Mental illness. Resent mental illness. Present mental illness. Mental illness. Resent mental illness.)
(Stupid, stupidity, stupid, how fuckin stupid! Stupidity!)
(Not fun. Not FUNNY. NOT FUNNY.)
(STOP, STOP. STOP. NO. STOP, I said NO! STOP! Leave me alone!)
Jesus fuckin Christ…. 24/7. From the moment you wake up the moment you go to sleep, aggression, anger, resentment…