I was the oldest girl of six kids. I did ALOT of child care in my own childhood. Enough to know babies aren't cute, it's a ton of work, and teenagers can really fuck up an entire household. I was 30 and really really spent a lot of time deliberating on having children. I could have gone either way honestly. I had a full life and a great career - I certainly didn't have children to fill a void but more made the decision to make room for children in my life. I wanted the responsibility. I have loved every minute of it. And my kids are pretty emotionally perfect, until I kill myself.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Having them wasn't the selfish part then was it? Sorry but it's true
I really don't think having them was selfish. I think that, if you are well intended and stable, it's not selfish at all. I know life is a gamble. I got sick and it's really really terrible. Killing myself is INCREDIBLY selfish (in my case) but I'm super logical and there isn't even financial means for me to live like this (divorced, no disability, etc). It's literally torturing me - I don't know if having a mother this sick stick around is better or not. Of course they would say it's better. But the toll on THEM caring for ME will be significant. Them watching this physical decline is super scary for them. There are no good answers now.
Partial-Elf
Eternal Oblivion
- Dec 26, 2018
- 461
"I wanted the responsibility"–it filled that need for her. Not criticizing her or you, just extending my line of thinking to this case.
I also like not having kids because I feel less guilty about offing myself. I like having that off switch easily accessible even if I don't choose to use it, and kids would be a huge barrier for me.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I don't know if wanting that responsibility is selfish. It's really wanting to contribute beyond yourself. But I see it your way, too. Kind of a chicken or the egg situation, in my mind.
Partial-Elf
Eternal Oblivion
- Dec 26, 2018
- 461
But even there, you're having the child for the sake of the greater good and not for the sake of the child itself. The child is a means to an end whether it's your own fulfillment or the furthering of your view of the greater good.
That's what I disagree with, and I can't envision a scenario where the child itself is the end/goal.
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Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Yeah fair enough that's your choice but for others who are selfish enough not to care about the suffering their suicide will cause to try pinning the blame on those that have them and call that selfish really gets my goat. What would make the world a better place smiling children or people with nooses round their neck? It's ridiculous
I think there's more pressing matters and I don't think denying the better part of nature is any kind of solution
The child itself is the end goal. Providing that person with the gift of life and this world, which often is a very good place to be.
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
That already puts you above eighty percent of procreators.
Partial-Elf
Eternal Oblivion
- Dec 26, 2018
- 461
Thanks, that got to the core of it. I think that just exposes an irreconcilable difference in the way we perceive the goodness or wickedness of the world. I have rarely felt it was a good place to be, despite having had a relatively comfortable life in most respects.
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Csmith8827
Don't you listen to your heart? (Listen to it...)
- Oct 26, 2019
- 887
I don't think anyone on this particular site wants to live here. I think people feel TRAPPED here and they don't know how to escape or leave.
