Why is my mind playing tricks on me and making me think there is any hope left when there probably isn’t?

[ZoloftSüchtig]

My mind keeps playing tricks on me. It's telling me there is hope and that I can change things around and be happy again and undo the mistake I made but more and more I start to realise there might not be any hope left at all. I just want my suffering to end. What if there is hope left and in 5 years I can be happy again? Is it worth it though to suffer everyday till then? Why not just end it now. Hope was always the biggest motivator for me but in the end Ive ended up in this deep pit of depression and regret and grief. If there was an easy method to cbt and I could just do it right now in my bed but the thing is I have to organise stuff and it takes time for me to be able to cbt so in that time my mind will trick me again into having hope only to abandon the plans and then having to start all over again and the cycle repeating. How can I make my mind stop lying to me. I'm a huge huge failure. Such a big failure. And my parents have three other wonderful children and I am such a disgrace. And I can't even spent enough time with them before I'm gonna cbt because of how much I hate myself and I don't want them to see me suffer like this. How how can I end this cycle of my mind lying to me?

 

[LonelyKitten]

I think it's survival instinct.
Giving us hope when there really isn't any is a massive distraction from putting ctb plans into place (which needs focus, time etc.), and by the time we circle back to wanting that some other hope pops back up to distract again.
It's hard to fully accept when too many mistakes may have been made to fix anything. And at the same time, it's also hard to tell if that truly is the case. That's why it's such an effective tool for our mind to use to keep going.