Why haven't you CTB yet?

[rue]

rope is not strong enough. actually, the only thing i got closest to a rope is a bathrobe belt. if i knew it would work for sure though - nothing would break or slip - i'd do it. i'm not very hesitant/afraid but i don't take second chances. i live with my family and can't allow such a thing. if i get to doing it while still living with them i have to either reach a point of desperation where my judgement gets clouded or be 100% sure i have the best means available. first could very well happen as i am near to a breaking point every night, i like to imagine how it would miraculously work with such a weak belt and shock everyone but... yeah, don't think that's happening. second? there's no way i'm getting an actual rope to satisfy my rationality while i still live here so that's out of the window. would be really suspicious/helicopter mom would notice, you know how it is. howerever much i don't like this conclusion but the only way i'm killing myself is if i live alone - i'd be dead in a day if that was the case. i wouldn't need to tip toe - go out: buy a rope, tie it, hang myself. i pass out easily anyway and as i said it doesn't scare me at all. this would be over with so quick. i like to daydream about it, full independency, no interruptions, just getting this over with in my way. also i don't want to hang in my closet, irrelevant thought and it doesn't really matter that much, but id like to hang myself in the daytime/morning, see the sunshine, hear the birds singing, children playing, a little music - my suicide, don't want it to be grim, it's a happy day for me after all.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

It is time for me to CTB. My Diabetes won't get better and I have pain in my hands! My daughters 12 and 19 will be better without me

 

[MichiyoCornell]

I can't do it yet because of my partner. Might sound like a lame excuse but to some extent he's suicidal too and it puts pressure on me not to do it. He knows my life has been nonstop hell for the last 3 years and I need it to end. I really do want to go though and to be honest, I am still likely to do it one day when he doesn't suspect it. Most likely in the next few months as life is becoming truly unlivable for me. I just need one more piece of my method and then I can go peacefully and alone.

 

[Blackjack]

because I'm weak and scared

Me too

 

[HawkeyePierce]

I've let myself ignore the reasons i should. I just got a slap in the face for a reminder. No time like the present. Ill spend tonight finishing my notes, and we'll go for it tonight.

 

[TowerUpright]

I have an older relative that literally has no one but me. CTB now would kill her. no doubts about it.

I at least want to wait until she goes. Still worried about how my kids and wife will do. I seriously believe my wife wouldn't recover: she had a tragic death of a close friend in the past and still refers to her often.

I need to understand when it's ok to let go, and not hang on to life for others sake.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Because of the immense fear I have of what might happen if I fail to do it right

 

[nothingleft]

I have so many excuses for not having ended it a lot earlier. The guilt of hurting people close to me is one. But lately that's been eclipsed by the greater fear and perhaps even acceptance that my attempt would fail. I've failed at almost everything in life, so why should I expect that I could have the strength to succeed at something so difficult? Killing yourself is difficult, if you don't have a gun or a supply of seriously lethal/illegal drugs. In those cases, it could be an almost impulsive act. But partial suspension hanging is not peaceful, painless, or easy despite what we all want to believe. If I could shoot up some h and die high as a kite I'd probably be gone by tomorrow.

 

[hobbydevil]

Because I feel a sense of... responsibility I suppose. What happened to me is making me depressed, hopeless and suicidal, and it is something that is permanent and will affect me forever.
But the same thing is happening to other people right now. There are people in the same dark, hopeless spot as me right now... And there will be so, so many more if nobody steps up.
There is a part of me that wants to at least try to do something, even if it's too late for me personally.

The other half of me is aware that it's probably naive to think of myself as someone who can actually accomplish anything that impactful.
And it doesn't keep me from having to deal with my own demons... I'm just stuck.

 

[Morphosis]

Not sure how I'm still here. Tried 3 times with different methods and failed miserably. All 3 i really thought would work, wasn't just a gesture - fentanyl overdose, helium/ exit bag then night night method. Finally took myself to the doc for help fully expecting to be sectioned and she said I wasn't at the stage I would be admitted. Wtf? What stage is she talking about? What stage do I have to be at... dead? Not that I wanted to go into a psych ward from reading the experiences on here, but was there asking for help and she said I was trying to manipulate her and if I continued to talk of harming myself she would put me off the books. Wow. So that taught me in future don't be honest with them, they don't want to hear it.

 

[Fallen_From_Grace]

The method I want to take costs money I don't have. Even if it's on the cheaper end of the spectrum I can't do it yet until I have money to get it.