Why haven’t you committed suicide yet?

[grungeCat]

Some time ago it was just lack of guts to do it. Now it's mainly my toxic relationship with opioids. It's a mutual transaction - they make me free of pain and I give them a particle of my life in exchange. It's a slow suicide. Kinda painful but you can't change the past.

 

[bigdog]

I have some fear of failing and becoming blind or paralyzed
In addition to my brain damage
Or even more brain damaged
But it seems with SN if you follow the protocol the risk is relatively low
There is no hope left that is the worst part of the story

 

[Cutepoison]

Only because I'm scared to fail. Gotta have a bulletproof method and plan.

 

[SingleSeraph]

I haven't CTB yet due to the fact that I have an identical twin brother. If it wasn't for him I would have done that earlier,and I'm quite transparent about my suicidal thoughts with him and he doesn't know how to really respond but I told him that I can't live for others because of my misery and the fact that I just don't want to be here.

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

Scared i will fail and be sicker. I already have poor health.

 

[all_pointless]

Fear my little niece which is a guest at house would be traumatized. Waiting to leave.

 

[mathieu]

I've tried and failed a number of times. I am scared of dying, so that has kept me from doing anything that would actually work. Lately I'm attempting partial but I clearly don't know what I'm doing.

 

[harkovv]

Because I don't have things I need to do it successful yet.

 

[Kaugummi]

It's a weird combination of not wanting to commit while I still work (going to stop working full time in August), being afraid of failing, pushing away and burying my depression and bad feelings until they catch up with me again..... hard... and my survival instinct randomly kicking in.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i don't have what i need yet. i am relying on somebody to get it for me and its very frustrating....

 

[Shinkansen]

because I want to plan it well: failing a suicide is not a joke.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I just need to bite the bullet. I've chucked out twice in the last two months. Knowing me, I'll probably try and fail a couple of times. Might need to just go for it.

 

[I screwed up]

1. Source SN
2. fear of failure
3. Freakin SI

 

[Deleted member 18655]

All of the reasons have run their course. I've been staring at the title of this thread for days.

I think I made a decision. I'm waiting for something in the mail that should arrive in the next 10 days. It's something I want and, as soon as it arrives, I think I'll be ready.

So, that's my goalpost: when my item arrives. Then it would just be a matter of walking out to the Bus Stop, so to speak.

 

[cyberlordsumit]

too pussy to hang myself, waiting for SN yo arrive.

 

[Mooshi]

For my two pet geese, they are like my baby's. Only reason I'm still alive is for them, even though I know I'm still going to ctb..

 

[catalepsy]

I have a hangup. I'd have to be really drunk to do it, but when I'm really drunk, I'm incapable of doing much except looking like an idiot and running headfirst into piles of dirt and impaling my nose with sticks in the process. I also have these creatures who depend on me to keep them happy and healthy and the thought of them winding up in a shelter is too much for me right now. Life is shitty enough already. No need to make it worse for any living thing.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I swallowed like 50 pills a yr and a half ago. It wasn't planned out ( I have had thoughts every day since my son passed in a car accident) I did it because my younger son flipped out on me and made plans to move out the next day. I died 3 yrs ago with my older son in his car accident. I stayed for my younger son who was 16 almost 17 at that time. He ran to my ex in laws a yr and a half almost to the day his brother died and almost a yr and a half ago. I've stayed for him hoping we could grieve together and find some way to get passed J's death in his car accident. He lost his brother, the man figure in his life and his mom as he knew her that day. He's grieving for us both and my saying I want to go to J every day pushed him away and caused him more sadness.

I didn't have the knowledge how not to fail. I've got loads of meds but afraid I'd vomit them up and would end up brain damaged forced to exist in a state and had to rely on others. I found out about SN almost 2 weeks ago, ordered and arriving monday. I'm planning to go the day J did in his car accident next month. I'm now not afraid of failure due to the efforts of those who have used it and their experiences have been shared. About 4 months ago I got my doc to sign a DNR - have health issues and don't want to wake up on life support again. Step 1 making sure no life saving measures would be taken. My animals will be able to remain in my home with my mom and bro's family all who moved in with me since my son passed. They will get my house and possessions my younger son doesn't want. We have discussed it and they're prepared for it. Properly planned and hopefully executed...

 

[fuzattojuliana]

Personally, I'm just afraid of failing and ending up as some sort of vegetable. That's really the only reason I haven't suicided already.

I really don't care in the least if my family or friends get sad over my death.

Because in the last I had the hope of a better life but since I lost my only happiness, I just didn't suicide yet because I won't let my things to my stupid family that ruined my life and second because I won't feel pain, please, I already suffered too much in life.

 

[Eurus]

Parents are still alive

 

[BPD Barbie]

I'm still hanging on to useless hope that things might improve for me

This resonates for me. This along with the fact I go back and forth between I wanna live/I wanna die.

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

I'm just waiting for my last payment

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Dont have the tools yet and Im too chicken to hang myself. I want to go out as peacefully and painlessly as I can

 

[sadworld]

i tried jumping a couple of times but either there was someone holding me back or i was just too scared and i hate myself so much for it, i wish i would've been gone already.

 

[StateOfMind]

I have an idiot/full-proof method (collision with high speed train). Its only SI holding me back

 

[Spitfire]

For today, it feels like there is a sense of renewed curiosity going on in my mind.

The physical, emotional, and psychological pain are not too great for me to deal with anymore at the moment.

 

[Ready2GoNow]

Because I don't have the balls to do any method that might cause a lot of discomfort or pain. So I'm waiting for my SN to arrive.

 

[dundyfundy]

Method + Family.

If I had a weapon I would probably have done it spontaneously. Having to order SN or N, chances of impurity, messing it up and surviving with brain damage or legal problems kind of puts me off it. For now.

Family of course is another reason. I am in mid twenties and live alone but got young siblings, ideally wouldn't want to leave them, or my parents and grandparents. I kind of annoying because of this though - I don't want to be held down by thinking about how they will, as I already feel terrible and tried loads of things to help myself. So last thing I want is thinking about how they will feel, when I feel so shit.

 

[Tasdevil]

for me it's guilt of leaving people behind. i Hope I can overcome this soon so I can CTB.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've been using all this time to milk as much extra money as possible to get stuff I wanted to get done.