why haven't you commit suicide yet

[Darkover]

why haven't you ctb yet

 

[90starve]

my method isn't ready yet

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Its painful
SI too

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'd say it's because I don't have a scale yet to ctb with SN although the more complicated side is that after reading so much on SN on this forum, it's a bit of a back and forth between just going for it because it does work 95% of the time if the regimen is followed correctly also not being found too soon and a bit of concern over the things like what if it all goes wrong like being unable to finish the drink, the tachycardia being too much even if im able to handle 130bpm no problem already since I do have palpitations to deal with and instances where my heart does skip a beat, a lot of vomiting even if I take 40mg Meto or the Alprazolam not working to ease my anxiety even if i recently got it. Deep down, I know I'm not happy sticking around either so it's a bit of a limbo although once I get that scale, then that'll probably be the final push I need.

I have also asked myself questions like "are you prepared to put your family through something traumatic" but I deal with that by knowing that it's just a trade-off for what I plan to do but it could also be SI talking.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I was so close to ctb when I joined here and I had perfect circumstances to just do it but in the end I didn't, I just sat with my materials in the room. I regret it until today that I didn't do it back then although I must admit that I feel less suicidal right now. There's still too much hope left although I've given up, family is there, probably some early SI is in the way, fear of failing.

 

[Stormy Raine]

1. I'm afraid I'll fail again
2. I hate the feeling of waking up alive
3. My last 72 hr psych hold was embarrassing and I was physically sick and they completely ignored my medical needs and foolishly think they could magically fix me in 72 hrs
4. My daughter depends on me
So everyday I wake up upset, sometimes cry, put on a happy face go to work, rush home and take my sleeping pills so my mind can finally rest. My life is over so I'm simply waiting to die, then repeat.

 

[ABSOLUTION]

Need to figure out what to do with my pet. I'm the only one I can trust to care of her.
Otherwise not much really. I should be able to do either hanging method easily hopefully (other than SI which I hope it won't be a huge issue)

 

[thot88]

Because of my grandparents, who have been closer than mom and dad ever were.

 

[TheDog_]

I'm scared of how much it will hurt. My method is hanging, whether partial or full. I am still researching the best set up. Some days are not so bad, but I live in constant fear (that I feel is somewhat justified because of what I have gone through).

 

[Justnotme]

I've had SN under my bed for 2 years, but I don't want to take it because I'm afraid of severe pain.
Therefore, I need to find the strength to get a job and save up for an inert gas cylinder.
I'm so tired. I feel really bad

 

[Unattainable666]

Fear of failure

 

[Alltheywanted]

There is always some little hope that keeps me alive, but i feel like I'm losing it. This year i either achieve my goals or i ctb. I'm just tired of holding on to life at all costs.

 

[rotciv]

waiting to be miraculously healed

 

[FuneralCry]

The first option of course as after all we exist in this anti-suicide society where suicide is purposely made so difficult and inaccessible for people. It really isn't straightforward to leave this world as there are risks and complications involved in suicide, it's so inhumane how we are denied the right to peacefully escape from all the suffering that existing brings.

 

[Kera]

Fear of death and of failure!

 

[jessisme]

Fear of complications surrounding sn method, failure to obtain benzo and antiemetics, SI and not wanting to abandon my mother and my dog. xo, j

 

[Sweet Tart]

The reason I need to ctb is that my depression left me dependent on an emotionally abusive parent who doesn't want me here. But she's been taking a lot of vacations and I've been able to relax, so I haven't felt like I need to ctb yet. She's been nice to me when returning from trips but the lovebombing sharply came to a halt this week and she is back to being a monster.

 

[jacarandash]

it's silly, but i'm scared. i always make jokes about how "i'm going to fucking kill myself" but i know i'll never build up the courage to actually do it unfortunately

 

[TapeMachine]

One of my brothers died unexpectedly this past February, right as I was putting the finishing touches on my ctb plans.

When I saw how utterly broken my dad was at my brother's funeral, I just couldn't bear the thought of making him go through the loss of another child.

I go through major ups and downs; my suicidality is rarely a constant.

But right now, I'm in the thick of a depression that is tough to shake...and even though I'd love to finally check out- maybe even today- I keep thinking about how I'd essentially be killing someone else (my dad) in the process of kms, and I just don't want to do that..

 

[sosoft_sogentle]

lazy, bed comfy

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm planning to use SN to carry out my ctb but i still haven't ordered it yet due to me still living with family. Once i move out, i'll get the SN and use it. At the moment, my only viable option is partial but i want to wait until i get SN, i want my death to be peaceful.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

Just feeling numb lately, just not feeling myself.I dont know what to do anymore to improve myself, just, going with whatever is going on around me.
Had a feeling to just do it but, now , I just feel, nothing.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Fear of complications surrounding sn method, failure to obtain benzo and antiemetics, SI and not wanting to abandon my mother and my dog. xo, j

I have Alprazolam (Xanax) and Meto and yet I'm hesitant but also because the recent funerals in my family has forced me to stop for now.

 

[shantyizlit]

First I hadn't researched enough on ctb via OD, so I ordered something that wouldn't be reliable, on top of that I realized that the one I bought from on a deep web market was a scammer. So the product I got is most likely just bunk (haven't tested it yet). So when I tried to order more bitcoins for the market, the website wanted me to post a picture of an ID. I had just recently gotten an ID made that works for most things nationally, but one the websites to buy cryptocurrency they want either a passport or a drivers license. So I had to get an appointment at the government office for making my passport, which was then postponed.. Now I can hopefully go get it made on thursday.. then I will have to wait a further 2 weeks for it to be made, and then I have to find a day where I can go pick it up.. the government office is kind of far away. Then after that I need to order my products, and I need to confirm whether they've arrived or not. Then after that I need to get released from the psych ward, and God knows how long that can take. Hopefully only a week.
I simply have to wait because my method isn't just something I can rush into apparently. It's fine tho, I be chillin'.

 

[Minsu]

It would hurt especially my mom.. i asked her once, when I was very depressed, how she would react to my suicide and she told me that she would consider it as her biggest failure in her life :( so I have to wait until my mom dies..

 

[Haruka]

Unfortunately there is no SN, I'm worried about other methods as I'm not willing to allow myself to be a vegetable. I need to think about this more but I hope I can figure something out before this year ends.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I wouldn't get the surgery indication I desperately need to keep on living if I were to fail my attempt.

 

[thetrout]

Fear of failing. Fear that it's an impulsive decision.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Too broke to purchase what I need for now. After that I'll have to pick my moment.

 

[ChronicPain23]

No brave enough