Venting Why does getting better cost more than suicide?

[Afterglow]

I wish I could get better. I wish I could be a happy, functioning human being.

Why is the permenant end to my life more cost effective than trying to save it?

I can't afford the $600 psychiatrist visits, the $180 therpy sessions, and still have enough money at the end of the month to pay my bills and feed myself.

Meanwhile what, a towing rope is a good $25? SN is a max of $145? What is the fucking point.

I've tried pushing through it my whole life, but I'll never feel genuine excitement again, genuine love, genuine accomplishment. What is there to actually live for?

It's excrutiating. It's genuinely fucking painful. I just want it to end.

How am I supposed to get better, when getting better is something you can't afford?

 

[NihilDoll]

*Insert obligatory rant about the whole world not being made for anyone but Boomers anymore*
It's a topic i've been talking about for years now.
The entire system is nothing but the "Wheel of Pain" from Conan now.

You exist to function. Your value is measured in shareholder profits. You're obligated to spend but not earn. If you don't conform, you get ostracised.
But if you give up? All hell breaks lose. Don't you *dare* break out of the torment nexus made specifically for your suffering! "It will all get better!"

Ironically enough, my bitterness, cynicism and nihilism is what's protecting me the most from committing...
At this point, i might unironically be too angry to die.