Venting why do so few people actually try to help?

[Silver]

I think maybe, for some people anyway, they are scared. When I was 17 my friend overdosed on some aspirin, and although she threw them all up, it scared me and for quite a while after, I texted her several times a day to check she was still alive. I was scared of losing her and also didn't know what to say that could help her.

Like @DyingAlf says, if I knew someone IRL right now who was suicidal, I still wouldn't be sure what to say to them, other than try to judge how impulsive they might be. And then I'd send them to this forum, lol.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I think that mostly, people just don't know how to help. Often it isn't clear if they can really help at all. It also depends on what constitutes 'help'. For some, having someone else listen to their woes might be enough to be considered adequate help, but for others that's not good enough.

It seems that most people are too preoccupied with their own lives and troubles to really become too concerned with anyone elses'. And this isn't to condemn anyone, actually it makes sense, considering that we are individual brains which are compelled to answer to our own experience, first and foremost.

Everyone only has so much time and energy, and most feel urged to prioritise themselves. The balance between helping oneself and helping others is extremely delicate, and sadly investing into one very often comes at the expense of the other.

 

[Mr2005]

Most people generally don't care imo. People don't want to do anything until it's too late. Then they'll look at anything and everything to avoid looking at themselves. Then they'll do the same thing for the next suicidal person. Most people don't learn from their mistakes sad to say.

This sounds a lot like me actually

 

[vacant_n]

I've been wondering about this a lot lately. When I was younger I never let anyone see that I was struggling so I didn't expect anything from them. This time I've been much more open, and for the most part it seems like people just don't want to hear it. I haven't actually said that I'm suicidal, because I'm not trying to get myself locked up, but I've expressed that I'm in severe distress and asked for help in every way I know how. I don't know what more I'm supposed to do.

 

[Panna]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

In my experience, the only person who understands what were truly going through is ourselves. Aside from simply listening and allowing others to vent, theres not much that we can do to help a person whose going through issues with their own sets of thoughts and feelings.

 

[demuic]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

Because a lot of people (and society) don't want to help you, they want you to shut up and stop causing them "problems" by not being constantly happy or positive or productive and become "normal".

 

[Brokensaddle]

When I told the lead social worker at my mental health services where I really well know that I planning on committing suicide, she shrugged her shoulders and said it would be really sad. I have seemed out mental health support for many years and I haven't been taken seriously. My current social worker said she isn't worried about me even after I told her multiple times I was suicidal. I have been 136 a couple of times and they looked me and said we can see your relived your not home but they still sent back to my abusive household within 12 hours. In my experience most staff are unprofessional and down right stupid and lazy. They don't listen to the needs of the patient

 

[Wayfaerer]

Because they don't really care until it's too late.

 

[Meaninglesslife50]

I think it is more or less a personal experience rather than a general rule , as most of the people who are unhappy generally didn't have a good support system(aka family or social group) so it can be very hard to expect from others who have actually caused it to understand what they have done, of course there are exceptions but it is true in general.And for professionals yes they should be able to understand but they're all just human and have their faults , it's just a matter of chance that you may find someone that is a very good one or may encounter bad ones.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Often the CMHT doesn't take it seriously as many people pretend they are feeling suicidal just because they are bored and have got nothing to do all day, not realising that someone else' life is in real danger and need support.

 

[Lupgevif]

Because they don't know how to help. They can't see things from the same perspective the suicidal person does, so they spout generic/silly advices thinking it means something. When they see it doesn't work, it becomes too much of a emotional charge to carry, so they distance themselves, thinking the problem will disappear while they are not looking.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Often the advice you get from a crisis line is ridiclously stupid and very much "I have tried reading a book, i have made myself a cup of tea, had a bath" which is why i will never call my crisis team.

 

[lostangel]

I think because the don't want to deep down. Why would they want to help us when they can just live their life and I don't think they know how to help anyway.

 

[sufferingalways]

Often the CMHT doesn't take it seriously as many people pretend they are feeling suicidal just because they are bored and have got nothing to do all day, not realising that someone else' life is in real danger and need support.

Hi, I would hope that anyone trained to work with vulnerable people would understand the differences. Or am i wrong about the idea that they get any training?

 

[asani]

Well my family just doesn't take it seriously. They don't understand me at all and think that going to a psychiatrist is gonna be a shame on them... ugh.

 

[sufferingalways]

I think because the don't want to deep down. Why would they want to help us when they can just live their life and I don't think they know how to help anyway.

This was my experience too. I was kicked off the service by a CCO who made up her own narrative on care plan which by law I should have had involvement in, a d since then I have been assessed twice, by total morons without a brain cell between them. Vacant expressions when i told of how i was suffering. No compassion just an "out to lunch" face. Who decides to employ these dicks?

Often the advice you get from a crisis line is ridiclously stupid and very much "I have tried reading a book, i have made myself a cup of tea, had a bath" which is why i will never call my crisis team.

Im lost why they are called a crisis team. They arranged the assessment ut as ive experienced, you get morons when you need compassionate caring staff.

Because they don't know how to help. They can't see things from the same perspective the suicidal person does, so they spout generic/silly advices thinking it means something. When they see it doesn't work, it becomes too much of a emotional charge to carry, so they distance themselves, thinking the problem will disappear while they are not looking.

RIGHT ON!

Often the advice you get from a crisis line is ridiclously stupid and very much "I have tried reading a book, i have made myself a cup of tea, had a bath" which is why i will never call my crisis team.

I wish there was a way to tell them this, anonymously. Maybe a letter to a related press / magazine, eg mental health group. Just thinking out loud. If someone knew this was how people REALLY feel, maybe someone would tell those knob heads, so hopefully they wouldn't be knobs any more. Its easy we all slag them off for the useless they are, but if someone's told "this isn't working, you need to help people and this isn't doing it," maybe theres more chance of shifting attitudes. Hm.

Well my family just doesn't take it seriously. They don't understand me at all and think that going to a psychiatrist is gonna be a shame on them... ugh.

Hi, sorry to hear that. It's nothing shameful to be unwell. People don't think twice about a broken leg. This stigma makes me so angry. Why should people avoid getting help to recover when they need it? Anyone can fall sick, including thise who stigmatise mental illness.

Because a lot of people (and society) don't want to help you, they want you to shut up and stop causing them "problems" by not being constantly happy or positive or productive and become "normal".

Hi Minsk I feel the same. Its all a damn pissing contest between those who never want to listen and when people lose someone they suddenly say "what went wrong how could i have missed the signs?" Because you didn't fucking listen thats why you missed them! CRap head. (Not you minsk, the ones suicidal people try to tell..)
This crap gets me so angry. Listen FFS that why people have ears.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Hi, I would hope that anyone trained to work with vulnerable people would understand the differences. Or am i wrong about the idea that they get any training?

but the thing is that professionals don't get spend enough time getting to know their patients and often they have to make a call/judgment that could be completely wrong deverstating for the patient/service user and their family., they often go by individual presentation and previous attempts, risks to self or others

 

[CoalmineCanary]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

Last Flowers to the Hospital Radiohead

Appliances have gone berserk
I cannot keep up
Treading on people's toes
Snot-nosed little punk

And I can't face the evening straight
You can offer me escape
Houses move and houses speak

If you take me there you'll get relief, relief, relief, relief

And if I'm gonna talk
I just want to talk
Please don't interrupt
Just sit back and listen

'Cause I can't face the evening straight
You can offer me escape
Houses move and houses speak
If you take me there…





This song helps convey a message I wish I could share with a particular person who is no longer welcome in my life for causing more harm and trauma with her dramatic self-motived actions before making a simple phone call to me.

Fortunately, finding this website has been a source of support for me.

I hope you can find some comfort sharing your feelings here where you may finally be heard.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Also people are often put off by calling on service to be told they're got to wait in a long queue and then to be told to call 111 instead whose advice is call their duty duty worker or go to the accident and emergency room without realising they don't have a car or have enough money for a taxi. My parents were in this position a few months ago.