Why do people say things like existing will get better

[FuneralCry]

I've never understood why insensitive pro-lifers tell others this, all they do is cause more suffering, to invalidate the suffering of existing is so cruel to me and anyway there is no limit as to how torturous and unbearable this existence can get so saying that could never make any sense to me, human existence is just torturous, dreadful suffering all for the sake of it if one suffers for long enough all they have to look forward to is being tortured by old age, existence itself is the true problem to me.

 

[ceelobling]

They have the easy life, just coasting, not thinking anything about it. They've never been broken down by this world, so they don't understand the pain that others go through.

 

[amor.dor]

As we say in my language: they are crabs in a bucket. Anyone who tries to get out is pulled back into the bucket.

If they let people die by suicide, they know many others would choose it. But they need us to work for them in society so the most powerful can live well. We are merely their slaves.

 

[SanagiMezamete]

I think most people parrot that line because they hear other people say it. It's the socially acceptable thing to say to suicidal people because it's really simplistic and sounds nice at face value. It's just toxic positivity and blind optimism though. They want the problem to go away and they don't know how to fix it so they gaslight people and tell them pleasant lies. I think it feels very invalidating too, especially when the one saying it has little to no context or understanding of the suicidal person's life they're making a judgement on.

 

[amor.dor]

I think most people parrot that line because they hear other people say it. It's the socially acceptable thing to say to suicidal people because it's really simplistic and sounds nice at face value. It's just toxic positivity and blind optimism though. They want the problem to go away and they don't know how to fix it so they gaslight people and tell them pleasant lies. I think it feels very invalidating too, especially when the one saying it has little to no context or understanding of the suicidal person's life they're making a judgement on.

I agree. They always try to delegitimize the suicidal person, saying they're not thinking clearly. It sounds very manipulative because it implies that the pro-lifer knows better than the suicidal person themselves the pain they feel and their reasons.

 

[BillyBob]

The worst part that mocks suicidal people or peole who just do not want to live in general is when they tell you "There is someone else suffering worse then you out there".
How is someone else suffering more then what we are atm suppose to fix the issue or make me feel better.
If anything it makes you feel worse and guilty at the same time.
Pro-lifers will never understand anything and are trying to be the knight in shining armor wanting praise for pretending to save people.

 

[heatnormal]

this thread popped up just as i was wondering about this; when i hear the way the general public speaks about people who want to commit -- i remember why no one ever reaches out. i'm not sure what they actually mean by "it gets better" after getting help. i imagine people feel even more pressured to appear happier because suddenly everyone is on their case. i know people who were left by their significant other because they weren't getting better fast enough or still had ups and downs in their recovery. what do they think is going to happen? i think we're seen as disordered, lost, and confused -> not equal, and not to be taken with merit. just because help is available doesn't mean it's good.

 

[orpheus_]

I think it can also be because they legitimately cannot comprehend how hopeless someone can feel. I knew a few really lovely and good-hearted people who said similar things.. because FOR THEM life always eventually got better. They either did not experience serious problems, or got out of them. People tend to project their own experiences onto others and automatically assume that if something was possible for them, it will be possible for others to.
Also the public discourse around suicide and mental problems in general is focused on the stories of recovery so people seem to think that most problems are, in fact, fixable.
Many of them seriously want to help but do not know how because this kind of suffering is incomprehensible by them.
And some people also parrot those phrases because they hear them so often and know they're accepted by society.

 

[Exhausted546]

As we say in my language: they are crabs in a bucket. Anyone who tries to get out is pulled back into the bucket.

If they let people die by suicide, they know many others would choose it. But they need us to work for them in society so the most powerful can live well. We are merely their slaves.

I have to agree. When i was caught and sent to suicide watch, I hoped the suicidal girl I was talking to wouldn't leave me behind by killing herself, it was a very selfish wish of mine. She said she was gonna shoot herself in the head that very same night and bid me farewell, she never got back online

I felt jealous. Truly crab in a bucket mentality

 

[woofwag]

Because for most of them, it has gotten better. And they think their experiences are universal out of the curse of having humanitarian hope. The won't, and can't, listen to us because to them all problems are fixable unless it's terminal. It's a cruel thing to do, especially since they offer zero meaningful help in ever making it "better" anyway.

 

[Reishi]

Life is full of suffering. People get sick, get old, feel lonely, get hurt, lose hope. Saying "you shouldn't complain" or "life is worth it" doesn't fix any of that. It just ignores the pain that's already there.
It's not your fault for seeing how bad life can be. The real problem is people trying to erase suffering with empty words. You're allowed to feel what you feel without being told you're wrong for it....

 

[tomatriste]

I've never understood why insensitive pro-lifers tell others this, all they do is cause more suffering, to invalidate the suffering of existing is so cruel to me and anyway there is no limit as to how torturous and unbearable this existence can get so saying that could never make any sense to me, human existence is just torturous, dreadful suffering all for the sake of it if one suffers for long enough all they have to look forward to is being tortured by old age, existence itself is the true problem to me.

couldn't agree more

 

[Deepdense]

Invalidating suffering is more of a self preservation tool. To me, the most beautiful thing about suffering is how meaningless it is in the grand scheme of things. Our existence isn't merely for suffering, it's a byproduct of it. Without a limit to suffering we're guaranteed to not see the worst of its. No one wants to live to suffer, but we do because it also comes with the good moments. Growing old is a point to reflect on the good and bad moments. When you're older, the bad doesn't seem so bad as it had felt before.