do you feel like god has abandoned you?

[A Sit of Doubting]

i feel like god has withheld love from me since birth. i seriously cannot say anything good has happened to me, other than my fickle connections with people. there has to be a cosmic reasoning for my anguish, right? or is this by pure coincidence i was unavoidably inexplicably irreversibly cursed at the nexus of my very consciousness and matter?

ive been contemplating suicide for a decade and more, and it all comes down to how i am consistently beaten up by life. the breaks im given in between are simply my own issued mania. but i like to reframe this as, for all the suffering and aching i have gone through, ive saved the suffering and aching of another.

otherwise, im merely a big dumb food processor and a mobile turd factory by cosmic design, and thats all there is to it.

its not as if im not aware of divine goodness, ive just never been the target of it. is it my belief that is lacking? is me expecting this will happen trigger me experiencing it by certainty? is it my lifestyle? am i missing the good people put into life and so receive?

do you guys share the same experience? i feel tortured beyond recourse, and i feel as if the cruelty i receive is not balanced by the cruelty ive incited.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Even though the entire world dislikes me because of my Asperger's I feel that God has never stopped loving me. I just feel it.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

he delights in torturing me

 

[yesi]

For sure, if it exists.

 

[endboss]

I think I am being punished. I have to deal with so much shit from all sides, it can't be coincidence. I don't know why, though. Also every good thing that ever happened to me fell apart always. Now I'm completely reduced to suffering every day and it only ever gets worse. Why? I never hurt anyone. I hope that at least god lets me go and that the attempt to end my life works...

 

[_Vasa&Me_]

What god? Theres no god. Earth is such a minuscule little world in contrast to the universe at large it is incomprehensible to even think that theres some deity out there when theres so much beyond ourselves, its just not logically possible, its like believing in fairy tales.

But just for the sale of argument, if there was a god, it certainly would not be the benevolent, forgiving, and kind one the average person thinks of, it would be of a satanic nature. A god of this kind loves to torture his subjects, relishes in pain of humanity, and gave humans an inherently pessimistic/evil nature. One does not need to even delve far for arguments of such a statement, just look at poverty, people being born with disabilities, wars, conflict, hate, racism, mental disorders, and various other forms of inequality or general unequal behaviour. Often it is the most poor that believe in such gods, as they have hope for a better tomorrow or a better alternative life elsewhere, because their current one is so bad, yet they lack understanding that their tortured existence is the work of their god, thats how it was supposed to be. Again this last paragraph is laid out under an assumption that THERE IS a god of some kind, and just explains what that would be, but again, I frankly see first paragraph as more realistic

 

[Rudi]

I've never ever felt any sort of connection to god before. I've tried seeing the good in religion and god and I also tried getting close to either but nothing ever worked. God is the last person I ever go to for help. Every time I pray for something the exact opposite and worse thing happens.

Whatever I have achieved to this day was achieved by me, myself and I. I used to believe that god maybe had some sort of role in that but he didn't. He wasn't the one who achieved the things for me, I was the one that did it. the person that put so much work into everything.

Also.. religion and god in general seems super cruel to me. So i decided to get away from it when realising that eventually. I might've been 6 when I started doubting god existence. For a while I actually feared him so so much that it mentally and physically hurt. I'm glad I'm free now.
The idea that for example suicide is a sin is extremely stupid to me. Some People have reasons to eventually die. Reasons they can't get out of.
In many cases the ones attempting are actually just angels that don't deserve to die. It's people that lead them to it. In extreme cases its religion too. And that's extremely cruel.
And religion is sexist. It's homophobic and transphobic too. I am sorry that I'm being punished for being things I can't control??? If god is apparently so all loving and all knowing then why did he create queer people? or why did he create trans people? Just to burn them eventually? and why on earth do people like rapists exist if god apparently knew how these people are gonna turn out to be? That's nothing but cruel and hateful …. But oh well.. as long as you're not queer or trans you're safe from hell, right?

…Had to let this out. The idea of a god is devestating. I'm fine living freely without one.
I don't need a god to live. Neither do I need one to decide wether I live or die.

 

[dustoff]

God should've made me as water that cool down ai datacenters than oxygen wasting biomass wo purpose except for being turned into cheap fertiliser after death

 

[heatnormal]

i never felt like the Lord was listening to me when i prayed, with elbows resting on the edge of my bed. my guardian angel seemed to have completely abandoned me. i felt like a lost cause, thinking, "why were my classmates found, but not me?", "maybe my father is right?". i'd beg god to help me forget everything, to make everything just a fleeting memory. at some point i woke up, and now i can't recall my childhood or adolescence.

i think whatever you believe in; believes in you and wants you to prosper. i don't have a lot of words of encouragement since i struggle with it myself, but i like to think that god is forgiving and loving.

 

[peace2105]

I don't know. But at my age now 44yrs old, i think there is no God at all. All are men-made.
I am not an evil person. If there is a God, why does he allow me to live in pain like this?

 

[JustBe]

He chose to punish me it seems. I mean give me battles I can fight, not 20 years battles. Anyway I can't say I believe in God when I have an uncurable yet not deadly disease that ruins my everyday life. In my next life please give me a deadly one so I'm miserable for a shorter amount of time.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Jesus is waiting me in heaven

 

[A Sit of Doubting]

What god? Theres no god. Earth is such a minuscule little world in contrast to the universe at large it is incomprehensible to even think that theres some deity out there when theres so much beyond ourselves, its just not logically possible, its like believing in fairy tales.

much truth in your words, i can't say ive ever been a devoted believer in any point in my life. lately, life has just beaten me up so badly ive resorted to believing in a god for the chance someone, by extension, would treat me kindly. of course, its all just a sorry belief, but i feel as if ive exhausted all possible options now, and i have to rely on luck rather than persistence and hard work.

 

[ZwartHartje]

God was never on my side, and I've never been on his. God who created Man in his image (what a freaky, ugly god!!), as the "crown" of his creation... Man who is just as tyrannical as this god, abusing and slaughtering other animals, torturing and killing them for experiments or for fun, invading and destroying their habitats and claiming the whole planet as his own.
I was a child, about 8 years old, when I turned to his adversary instead. I was oppressed and hated by everyone, made a scapegoat - just like Satan.
The Serpent in the Book of Genesis never "lied" to Adam and Eve, nothing ill befell them from the act itself of eating the apple, all misery that ever befell them after eating from the Tree of Knowledge was solely the revenge that their tyrant god took on them.
Of course this is mythology, but there is some higher consciousness behind this physical universe, but the monotheistic god is only some tiny part of it as well. Why would he have a commandment that you should not worship any other gods besides him - if other gods didn't exist?!

I believe everything is part of the All - and the All is not "God", it is Consciousness at Large, it contains everything, including all deities. It includes all good and all evil, and everything that exists, and it is unknowable.