Why do people lie?

[goodoldnoname923]

Why do people say they like you and care when they really dont?

Why do they say they can vent to you when you cant?

Why do people tell you that your a good person when they don't think that at all?

Why do people say they'll never leave and abandon you yet they always do?

Why do people lie and bullshit time and time again leading you into a false sense of security just to attack and hurt you over and over again?

And why do I constantly believe these people? Why do i let them lie to me? Why do i choose to believe them?

 

[Dusk till dawn]

If you were to talk 100% unfiltered you'll be saying horrendous things that society cannot accept in general

 

[R_N]

You can say it's manipulation or maintenance of "self" and reputation, satisfying their own needs not thinking of yours. I think it's more complex because self is an illusion and it's needs vary throughout time. Self is never consistent because it's a flawed concept, expecting ourselves and others to be consistent is bound to hurt us.

Clinging to thoughts like: "he/she hurt me, abused me, wronged me" also causes suffering when we fixate excessively on it. What helped me was understanding that what others did couldn't be helped and pointlessness of having hurtful thoughts when we all experience suffering and perish in the end.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Because standing all the time hurts

 

[starryhrtz]

imo most of the times its out of people pleasing tendencies and saying things because its more like a duty. for example when someone calls themselves fat or ugly the other person automatically says "no you're not" because its what theyre "supposed" to say. i really hate stuff like that too because id much rather you tell me you hate me than give me false hope

 

[Onelegman]

There are so many reasons... but most of them are of 2 types, 1. to get something or 2. to not hurt someone

 

[-Link-]

Why do people say they like you and care when they really dont?

Why do they say they can vent to you when you cant?

Why do people tell you that your a good person when they don't think that at all?

Why do people say they'll never leave and abandon you yet they always do?

Why do people lie and bullshit time and time again leading you into a false sense of security just to attack and hurt you over and over again?

And why do I constantly believe these people? Why do i let them lie to me? Why do i choose to believe them?

In these examples, I'm not sure it's so much a wilful dishonesty on their part as it is an unreliability.

When someone says they like you and care about you, or that you can vent to them, or that you're a good person, or that they'll never leave you, I think for the most part people are genuine and well-meaning at the time they are saying these things.

Their intention is true. But their follow-through is lacking. (This is of course excepting manipulators, abusers, and the like.)

 

[enough of this]

They're not willing to be accountable for who they are and what they've done.

 

[thenamingofcats]

A lot of it is to avoid confrontation. I think we evolved like that to avoid violence, unless necessary, since that could prevent us being killed.

Other reasons...to make a sale, using flattery because they want something from you, to retain your friendship, because they're genuinely misinformed, because they don't care if what they're saying is factual or not (the one I detest most).

 

[biasedregret]

People lie to:

• Get what they want from you by managing your perceptions.
• Avoid accountability.
• Reassure themselves that their version of reality is the "correct" one.
• And, occasionally, avoid hurting you (a white lie).

But yeah it sucks. My brush with a pathological liar basically collapsed my brain.

My advice? Trust, but verify. Everyone. No exceptions haha.

 

[rokonie]

Feeling this a lot OP. It seems like friends only say stuff to make me feel better without actually meaning those things. They say things so they can feel like they've done their part as a friend like it's some obligation but not out of actual care (which is why they do things like say it's ok to vent to them but not be present or respond when i need someone to listen.)
Sometimes i feel like an ass because i dont verbally say things like "I'm here for you" or "you can always talk to me" that often as others. But in reality im just being honest?? I know that im not always mentally in the headspace to hear someone's vent, esp if it's going to be heavy or smth im not experienced with. I know im busy with work. So im not going to lead someone on and lie that my DMs are always open for them or smth when it obv isnt. I wish people were more honest towards me too.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Lying helped our ancestors successfully reproduce when they otherwise had no other redeeming qualities for their potential mates. The better they were at lying, the more lying as a skill gets passed on genetically.

 

[Beautiful Angel]

Why do people say they like you and care when they really dont?

Why do they say they can vent to you when you cant?

Why do people tell you that your a good person when they don't think that at all?

Why do people say they'll never leave and abandon you yet they always do?

Why do people lie and bullshit time and time again leading you into a false sense of security just to attack and hurt you over and over again?

And why do I constantly believe these people? Why do i let them lie to me? Why do i choose to believe them?

I feel the exact same way I turn around and always have no one but everyone leaves me feeling like I'm nothing I nobody they treat me like shit and then they expect for me to be happy and walk around like I have any reason to want to be here when they take all the joy away from me. They tell me it's my fault and I deserve it.

 

[CTB Dream]

Yea this human rly awfl this hpn many many say injury damage all lev bfr injury damage say ok ok nvr lev etc all nonsns sudn all btry all lev, ya all time hpn say frnd etc sudn lev sudn disapre,


this many resn hpn , 1resn human chemy puppt simil mchn nomore say ok ok time move move sudn mchn chng ,this all life wrng cncpt

 

[jarik]

Because they often don't want to hurt you

 

[ijustwishtodie]

People lie for their own sake. They lie for a reason that benefits them only. An example of this is that they lie to not feel bad over saying the truth (such as how they say that every human is good enough for life if they just try)

 

[sisyphean-nightmare]

Why do people say they like you and care when they really dont?

Why do they say they can vent to you when you cant?

Why do people tell you that your a good person when they don't think that at all?

Why do people say they'll never leave and abandon you yet they always do?

Why do people lie and bullshit time and time again leading you into a false sense of security just to attack and hurt you over and over again?

And why do I constantly believe these people? Why do i let them lie to me? Why do i choose to believe them?

Probably a multifactorial plethora of reasons... Firstly, when it comes to these types of lies, I don't think they necessarily are lies directed to you but rather lies people often like to tell themselves. So, when they say it, they really do believe it themselves. Most people have an unrealistic view of themselves as helpful, accepting and altruistic, without ever questioning what those characteristics actually entails. It makes them feel good to say stuff like that because it validates their own egos. And when they notice what it does, they tend to do what people do best; sticking to their own interests. Those statements should be given way more weight to them, most people wouldn't throw out "I love you" without really meaning it, "I'll never leave" and "You can always talk to me" are for some reason thrown around more losely.

Secondly, empathy very often has an expiration date. Someone can be largely empathic towards someone else at first, but then gradually stop feeling it - often when they notice that there's no immediate reward for their empathy anymore, sort of like how you'd get tired of a really good game if you kept playing it every day only to recieve the same prize over and over again. That thing is something that was confusing for me when I was younger; I've come to learn that my own capacity for empathy is unusually large - I rarely run out of it even if it has happened once or twice thus I have had a hard time understanding when other people has - and I think that may be the case for a lot of people here too since highly empathic people are often suffering. Affective empathy is basically taking on a pain that isn't yours and I think that's an evolutionary disadvantage in the long run, hense why empathy naturally depletes after a while.

Thirdly, human connection has an expiration date. Humans change practically all the time. We absorb new knowledge, have new experiences, gain new interests and suddenly, we find ourselves in places where we notice that we no longer have nothing in common with the very same people who used to feel like our soulmates. Of course there are life long, long-term friendships. But they're quite rare. Rare and quite possibly worth the risk of a few failed ones.

Fourthly, humans are just assholes. The lot of us. And I'm sorry to hear you've been abandoned and attacked. I do think that you believe those people out of hope. Who wouldn't want someone who'd never leave, someone who provide you with support and affection? It's too good of an offer to not believe in it because there's that tiny, little chance that it might be true this time. Don't beat yourself up over it. As I said, those words have more weight to them then people realize.