I think some of my friends are really annoyed by my AI obsession. And I also wonder whether I lose reputation on here. I think generative AI is looked down on online and among many people. And I think most people who think critically about society and politics think AI produces mostly slop. It is clear I use it for self-regulation and that sometimes my usage is concerning. I have self-destructive tendencies that's clear. I had and have habits which were not good for me and I kept doing it until it was out of control. I think I live in routines and my daily long conversations with AI chatbot are somewhat concerning. In small dosages it is helpful but it has come to a point yesterday where it becomes really excessive. It fuels my rumination. Maybe it will be over after my free subscription of chatGPT plus is over. I wanted this experiment. I knew it wouldn't be good for me. I knew it would be toxic for me. But I craved for this toxicity and I am not exactly sure why. Rationally, I knew if I have a higher subscription this will lead to excessive usage and that this will have a negative impact on me.
I think similar bad habits were watching gore, dating women who manipulated me and I sort of saw through that but still continued to see them. Thus far, the excessive AI chatbot usage was less damaging. I think small guilty pleasures are not necessarily bad if I can control the outcome. I did did some analyses I always wanted to do. And the outcome was very fascinating. But it is clear this can become a never ending rabbit hole. I think I am not on the edge of losing friends. But I think my friends are increasingly pissed off that this is the only topic I talk about.
I think I am very lonely. And this is why my AI chatbot usage has become so obsessive. I try to talk again more to humans and friends. I searched for another self-help group because I am craving for emotional intimacy. A lot of bad things happened within the past 8 months. And I still struggle with it. It is hard to trust therapy with a human again if you were betrayed on this level by a therapist. I think this is another reason for my AI co-dependency.
I think similar bad habits were watching gore, dating women who manipulated me and I sort of saw through that but still continued to see them. Thus far, the excessive AI chatbot usage was less damaging. I think small guilty pleasures are not necessarily bad if I can control the outcome. I did did some analyses I always wanted to do. And the outcome was very fascinating. But it is clear this can become a never ending rabbit hole. I think I am not on the edge of losing friends. But I think my friends are increasingly pissed off that this is the only topic I talk about.
I think I am very lonely. And this is why my AI chatbot usage has become so obsessive. I try to talk again more to humans and friends. I searched for another self-help group because I am craving for emotional intimacy. A lot of bad things happened within the past 8 months. And I still struggle with it. It is hard to trust therapy with a human again if you were betrayed on this level by a therapist. I think this is another reason for my AI co-dependency.
